


Memories Time nor Sith Can Erase

by hellowkatey



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs Therapy, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Force Ghost Qui-Gon Jinn, Gen, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Memories, Not Beta Read, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Obi-Wan gets therapy, Obi-Wan needs therapy, Original Character(s), Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, Protective Anakin Skywalker, Recovered Memories, Repressed Memories, Temporary Amnesia, That's Not How The Force Works, lets be real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 51,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25001860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellowkatey/pseuds/hellowkatey
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi wakes up on an unknown planet with no memory of how he got there or... really anything about his life.Anakin and Ahsoka have to follow the trail that has long gone cold to find the Jedi Master before whatever made him drop off the face of the galaxy gets to him first.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 67
Kudos: 259





	1. Forgotten

Warmth radiates from the sun above, heating up his cheeks and stirring him out of his slumber. He opens his eyes and finds that he's lying on his back. Tall trees surround him. He sits up, surprised to find that his entire body is stiff and sore, though he doesn't quite recall why that may be. Then again, sleeping on the ground may have had something to do with it.

The grass is soft. Slightly damp, but not so much so that it bothers him. He has half a mind to lie back down and continue his nap, but something prods at him to get up. Clouds are rolling in in the distance, so perhaps that is the best course of action. Pulling himself to his feet he runs his hands down the thick robes and cloak he wears, feeling much too warm with so many layers. He sheds the dark brown cloak as well as the outer tunic. 

Much better. 

As he drops the tunic to the ground he hears a clatter next to his feet. He kicks the fabric aside and picks up the cylinder that must have dropped from his belt. He grips it, finding it feels quite natural in his hand. The calluses on his fingers coincidentally line up perfectly with the grooves. Even so, the device isn't familiar to him. He slides his thumb up the side over what looks like a switch. 

From the cylinder ignites a bright blue ray with a hiss. He nearly drops the device but manages to hold it away from his face. As he moves it back and forth it hums. Holding it in his hands makes it feel like he's had a cup of caff. His entire body seems to respond to the very presence of the strange device-- like they're connected.

In the shadows of the misty forest, someone steps out. He looks past the glowing blue stick to see a young human girl, maybe twelve or thirteen, staring back at him with wide brown eyes. 

"Hello there," he says, giving her a friendly smile.

"You're a Jedi?" she asks, ignoring his greeting and keeping her distance. 

"Jedi?" 

She points to the blue stick, staggering backward, but he senses no fear from her. Only awe. 

"You're a Jedi!" 

"No, I'm--" and he stops. Because he realizes he doesn't know who he is. Or even what his name is. He doesn't remember how he got here either. He drops the cylinder and the beam disappears with a swift _woosh_ just before it hits the grass. "I-- I think I need help." 

* * *

Anakin and Ahsoka walk off the transport in the midst of a heated argument over whether or not you could throw a lightsaber like a javelin. 

"I'm just saying, the aerodynamics would be all off." Anakin huffs, taking out his saber and showing her the parts that would specifically catch the wind wrong. 

"But you could use the Force to guide it." 

"I'd much rather use the Force to throw myself _with_ my lightsaber and then I don't have to retrieve the thing." 

Ahsoka pauses. "Okay, but what if I were to throw _you_ with the Force? Like you're getting shot out of a cannon." 

"You couldn't possibly..."

A pause. 

"Practice room?" 

"The Masters one is bigger. I bet Obi-Wan would let us in." 

Ahsoka grins, and they take off toward the quarters. Obi-Wan lives in the unit right next door to Anakin and Ahsoka's shared quarters. Anakin tried to convince Obi-Wan to let him make a hole in the wall to connect the apartments, but he didn't seem too thrilled about that idea. Something about 'finally getting some peace and quiet'. 

Anakin does have the code to his front door, though, which is good enough. 

The door hisses open and Anakin and Ahsoka walk into the apartment. "Hello? Master?" he calls out, flipping on the lights and heading straight for the cupboard. Obi-Wan always keeps some salted root chips on hand. 

"Maybe he's not home," Ahsoka suggests, glancing around the barren apartment. 

"He's supposed to be on leave according to his orders," Anakin says with a mouth full of chips. "He's probably sleeping. It takes Obi-Wan forever to adjust his sleeping schedule." he crosses the room to where his bedroom is. 

"Maybe we shouldn't wake him." 

"It's been a few weeks, he'll be happy to see us," he reassures her and opens the door. Anakin frowns when he finds the room to be empty.

"Maybe he's in the mess?" Ahsoka asks, but Anakin ignores his padawan, scanning over the room. 

"Something's... not right," he says, walking further into the room. 

"What do you mean, Master?" 

Anakin runs his hand over the ledge of the wardrobe. Dust comes off onto his finger. He opens up the wardrobe before shutting it quickly and peering across the other side of the room. "He has three sets of robes missing but his laundry is empty. His cloak is gone too and it's much to warm to be wearing one today." 

"Maybe he's just doing his laundry today." 

"No, Obi-Wan's laundry day isn't for another two days. His temple boots are still here too. And the river stone." He walks up to the nightstand next to the sleeping couch. It's completely bare. "Qui-Gon's river stone isn't here. When he's staying at the Temple he keeps it on the nightstand. He only carries it when we're gone." 

Ahsoka crosses her arms. "Are you sure you aren't over-analyzing this? Master Kenobi could have gone on vacation or something. He has a month and a half off." 

"You're saying _Obi-Wan_ could have gone on _vacation?_ We're talking about the same Obi-Wan, right?" 

"Okay, you might be right." 

He hadn't tried it earlier, but he realizes he should have. Anakin reaches out through the Force, pulling at the old training bond that still has a few threads connected. As he strums along the bond there is nothing but static on the other end which either indicates

a) Obi-Wan has completely closed himself off to Anakin-- something he hasn't done in years 

b) He is too far away to be reached through the Force 

or

c) something is very wrong. 

And really, c encompasses both a and b because for Obi-Wan to be anywhere but the Temple without any record of orders sending him elsewhere and for him to be closing himself off so severely just means Anakin's suspicions are correct. 

He turns and leaves the room, his mind zeroed in on his plan of action. Ahsoka trails behind him. 

"Maybe he just didn't take his leave. He could have stayed on the ship." 

"Obi-Wan is a stubborn bastard, but he doesn't disobey direct orders from the council." 

"Maybe he went to Mandalore to visit the Duchess," Ahsoka suggests. 

Anakin truly hopes that's the case. For a few reasons. 

He crosses the Temple with long strides and the growing buzz of determination and annoyance growing in his belly. If something is wrong with Obi-Wan and no one thought to tell Anakin well... they're going to be dealing with their least favorite Jedi Knight very soon. 

"Master, where are you _going_?" Ahsoka says, having to jog to keep up with his gait. 

"To see the council." 

"Are you crazy? You're just going to barge--"

"Yes." 

"They're going to be mad." 

Anakin stops, looking down at his padawan. "What do you feel in the Force, Ahsoka?" 

She blinks. "I feel." her eyes close and he can see her searching. Her eyes open again, this time understanding in them. "Something does feel off." 

And if Ahsoka-- one who is not particularly gifted in the Force like Anakin is but still perceptive-- can feel the strange energy the Force is putting out, Anakin knows his anxieties are justified. He presses onward, bursting through the doors of the council chambers to find that they are in the midst of a meeting. His eyes go straight to Obi-Wan's usual chair, only to find it empty. 

"Knight Skywalker!" Master Windu barks, but his scold doesn't hold the usual rigidity. Anakin looks around the room to find that there are only three council members present in person and the rest sit in the form of holograms. 

Except for Obi-Wan. His seat is entirely vacant. Anakin's face falls. 

Yoda rises. "Come about your former Master, you have?" 

* * *

The young girl-- who introduced herself as Marri-- leads him through the thick forest to a small village hidden in the densest tree cover. They don't speak much. His mind buzzes with questions. 

Who is he? Where is he? Why doesn't he remember anything? Why does he carry a laser sword? 

Well, according to Marri it's because he is a Jedi. 

Not that he knows what that is. 

She leads him to a small clearing containing a single log cabin. Smoke comes out of the chimney and warm lights shine through the transparisteel windows. It looks quite quaint and homey. A man steps out, his eyes narrowing at his presence. They are the same golden-brown color as Marri's-- in fact, the two look quite alike with similarly dark skin, curly black hair, and high cheekbones. He meets them in the middle, and the Jedi finds that he's quite tall and has to look up to meet his eyes.

"Who is this, Marri?" he asks as she runs up to him in glee. The Jedi guesses this is her father from the affectionate yet protective way he places his arm around her shoulders.

"I found him in the woods," she says like she's brought home a small animal. 

"And you brought him back here?" 

"He's in trouble, papa. His memory is gone." 

The man looks skeptical. The Jedi nods. "It is true. I do not know who I am or how I got here." 

"I'm afraid we cannot help you. The Jedi only bring trouble and--"

"Papa, you would leave him out in the rain?" Marri interrupts him. The Jedi looks up and indeed she is correct. The dark clouds he had seen earlier have completely covered the sky and look to be preparing to release a heavy shower. In the distance, thunder rumbles.

The man strokes his chin in thought. After a moment of quiet anticipation, he sighs and says, "I am Gil, Marri's father. Come in, Jedi." 

* * *

Anakin feels like a youngling again. Despite his tall frame, standing before the council still makes him feel small. 

"Something in the Force feels wrong, Masters. Obi-Wan isn't on Coruscant."

"Share your concerns, we do," Yoda replies, his face far too calm for Anakin's liking. Share his concerns? Then they do know something is wrong with Obi-Wan? Part of him was hoping he'd call him crazy, tell him they'd sent him on a mission somewhere and turn him away. Anakin can feel a little bit of shock radiate from Ahsoka. He had forgotten she'd slipped in behind him. She must have had the same assumptions.

"I don't understand. Where is he?" 

Master Windu sighs, glancing at Yoda before looking at Anakin with the softest expression he thinks he's ever seen directed toward him. 

"Master Kenobi never checked in after he reported leaving _The Negotiator_ to come back for his leave. We've lost track of his ship." 

Anakin can feel the entire room tense up, like they're expecting an explosive display of the infamous Skywalker temper. But Anakin not only surprises the council but himself. He doesn't get a surge of anger that he can tell Windu is prepped to scold him for. 

"Where was he last tracked?" Anakin asks, calmer than he usually is when dealing with the council. Windu seems visibly unnerved by this. 

"What are you going to do, Skywalker?" 

"Well," Anakin looks over his shoulder at his wide-eyed padawan. "We're going to go look for him." 

"Look for him? He could be anywhere in the galaxy." Ki Adi Mundi, the only other council member present says. 

"Maybe because nobody's bothered to _look for him_ ," Anakin says carefully, but the venom in his voice is evident. "How long have you known he could be in trouble?" 

Windu's head bows slightly, giving Anakin all the information he needed. The anger finally starts to kick in and he clenches his fists to hold it down. 

"We did not receive a distress call. Technically his leave didn't explicitly state he had to take it on Coruscant."

"This is Master Kenobi we are talking about, though. His home is the Temple. He's a council member for Force's sake, he _always_ comes back." Anakin knows he's right. And when he lays it out he can tell the council knows he's right too. Satisfaction rushes through him. For once, he isn't the one getting scolded in these chambers. This was not the interaction he necessarily expected today, but it's welcomed. 

"Take care of himself, Master Obi-Wan always has. Feel malice in the Force, I do not." 

The council nods in agreement, but it isn't good enough for Anakin. 

"Yes, there is no danger that I sense, but there _is_ something wrong. I don't feel him at all. It's like he's disconnected from the Force." 

To Anakin's surprise, Ahsoka speaks up. "I agree with my Master. I usually have no trouble feeling Master Kenobi's presence, but he's cut off from the Force."

Anakin watches as Master Yoda closes his eyes, taking a long breath before re-engaging with the room a few moments later. 

"Abnormally distant, Obi-Wan is. Have a plan, you do?" 

"As I said, Masters: Ahsoka and I are going to go look for him." 

The chambers fall silent, but as he looks around the room at the council members both present and holographic he's surprised to see indications of guilt on their faces. Like they've discussed his absence before and pushed it aside, assuming the best-case scenario. That he's off spending time on Mandalore or some tropical planet instead of in need of assistance they never thought to provide. 

Anakin prays to the Force that they're right and he truly is overreacting. For once, he takes no satisfaction in being correct over the council. 

"We will provide you with the information we have on Master Kenobi," Windu says. 

Anakin bows in respect, accepting the show of good faith and approval. He turns on his heels and walks out of the council chambers. Ahsoka follows close behind. 

* * *

He hadn't realized he was hungry until Marri threw the vegetables over the fire. By the rumbling, in his belly, he felt like he hadn't eaten in days. To be fair, that may be true. The not-knowing is the worst part of it all. His mind is a blank slate. He had used the fresher to wash up before dinner and realized when he looked in the mirror the face that stared back at him was even unfamiliar. 

A flash of... something blurs through his consciousness. He reaches up behind his ear like he's expecting something to be there, but his fingers only find the short, even tendrils of his auburn hair. He sighs, brushing the pieces that seem to have decided to stick straight up back into their proper place. As he runs his fingers through his hair he comes across a tender spot behind his hairline right above his forehead. That could explain just what is going on here. 

He looked into his own eyes for a long moment. They're bluish-green and look very tired. In fact, he's noticed that exhaustion appears to be a common theme.

The strangest thing the Jedi found on his person was a small smooth rock in his pocket. It felt unnaturally warm in his hand, but from the worn space in his pocket, it seemed to be important. He couldn't conceive why a rock could be so important but even without the context, he found himself feeling comforted by just looking at it. He put it back in its pocket and rejoined his hosts in the main room. 

The Jedi sits on a cot in the living room of Gil's home. Gil sits across from him, continuing to examine him with a watchful eye. Marri comes from the kitchen with three bowls of some sort of grain and vegetable mix with a dark sauce. 

It smells absolutely divine. 

"So... what do you remember?" Gil asks as the bowl is placed in front of him. The Jedi tries his hardest to not ignore the question and start scarfing down the steaming dish.

He thinks for a moment, trying to find something he can say, but he comes up empty. "I don't think I know what I do know." 

"Okay well, what planet are you on?" 

"I don't... I don't know." 

"Lubang Minor ring any bells?" 

He thinks for a moment. 

"I'm afraid not." 

"What about the war?" 

"The war?"

Gil frowns. "Yes, the war between the Republic and the Confederacy."

He swallows hard. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about." 

Gil sighs, giving him a sympathetic smile. "Honestly I'd rather not know about the war either." 

"Which side are you on?" 

"Neither," the man says sharply. "Nobody will win this war. Not the Republic or the Separatists. Definitely not the planets that have gotten caught in the crossfire." 

"Why did it begin then?" 

Gil shrugs. "I couldn't tell you. It's like one day it was just happening. We've been lucky to stay out of things so far."

"And what of the Jedi? I'm afraid I don't remember who they are." 

"The Jedi are warriors," Marri says. 

"They used to be peacekeepers," Gil scoffs. "Now the wizards are generals and commanders and doing quite the opposite of maintaining order." 

The Jedi can feel his headache worsening. He hadn't expected such severity of the time he was missing. He had hoped talking to Gil would help answer his questions, not raise more. 

"So how do you know I'm a Jedi?" 

Gil points down to the metal cylinder clipped to his belt. "Your weapon is a legendary one of the Jedi Knights. Though to see a Jedi in person is a rarity the legend of your kind exists throughout the galaxy." 

Gil makes _his kind_ sound imposing and rather inflated. He shifts uncomfortably, sensing the unease of the Lubangian man. Gil doesn't trust him, and while it disappoints him that his supposed reputation alone has constituted such strife he can't blame the man. He has quite literally wandered into the secluded lives of these people. In fact, he hasn't yet seen or heard another soul of the others who live in the small community since his arrival. Marri had told him as they walked to her home that her people remain spread apart, valuing independence and solitude. But she assured him they also find great comfort in the community of others when appropriate. To him, it seemed like a lonely life, but her tone wasn't resentful. She seemed excited to be able to share it with another. 

Marri's openness obviously did not stem from her father. He wonders where her mother is or if she is even in the picture. 

"I feel that I should apologize on the behalf of my fellow Jedi for any actions that have offended or inconvenienced you." 

Gil's hard expression softens slightly, and a tad of pity replaces it. "You apologize for a life you claim to have no memory of?" 

"I suppose so." 

"You make for interesting company, Jedi, I'll give you that." He doesn't accept or reject the apology, but he can feel it sink into the room, relieving some of the tension. It's something. "Now, let's figure out how you even found yourself here. From that accent, I'm pretty positive you've spent most of your life in the Core worlds." 

"Perceptive of you. That... could be true. I did find a rather nasty bump on my head, so it is possible I may have lost my memory through injury." 

Gil's eyes scan over him. "Maybe your ship crashed. The afternoon rains bring thick fog that often troubles pilots. Crashes are not uncommon, especially in the mountainous regions." 

The ringing in his ears-- something he hadn't quite noticed until this moment-- suddenly grows stronger. It's like a confirmation that this idea may be correct. 

"That... could explain quite a lot." The ache in his bones. The head injury. It's perfectly probable. 

"In the morning we can search for a crash site. You look a though you need some rest and..." 

Gil's voice seems to fade away as the Jedi's perception hones in on something different. The hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, and his adrenaline starts to rush. The room seems to tunnel, and he interrupts his gracious host with a forced yelp of "Get down!" before lurching forward. He leaps over the table, throwing his arms across Marri and Gil to push them off the bench and onto the floor. The dishes go clattering to the floor, one of them spilling all over his back and Gil yells in protest and surprise at the Jedi's weight across his chest. 

There is a moment of silence and then the ceiling implodes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I am well aware total memory loss/amnesia is extremely rare and often dramatized to drive plots. But  
> 2\. We are in a galaxy far far away and who says space travel and the stress of a massive war doesn't make it easier for a horrible case of transient global amnesia to occur?


	2. Leads

Anakin very soon figures out that the council basically knows nothing about Obi-Wan's whereabouts. 

"This is absurd." he gripes, pushing aside the third datapad full of navigational data he's had to go through. "How do you lose a Jedi?" 

Ahsoka walks over from the kitchen of their shared apartment, setting down a cup of caff. The gesture reminds him of something Obi-Wan used to do whenever he was up late doing homework as a padawan. His heart aches but he gives her an appreciative smile. 

"There's got to be some sort of clue as to where he went." 

"He got called back three weeks ago, and his flagship got left under Cody's command. He took his Delta-7, traveling through the Hydian hyperspace lane, and then his signal just never shows up again. I've only seen this..." he trails off. 

"Seen this when?" 

He looks at her stiffly. "When ships fall out of hyperspace." 

_Or are_ pulled _out of hyperspace._

Ahsoka swallows hard, sitting down across from him. "Well, chances are he's along the Hydian route, then, right?" 

"If he hadn't been radio silent for this long, I'd be more confident about that," Anakin says bitterly. 

"It's a starting point, Master. And _The Negotiator_ is on the edge of Separatist space near Telos IV which is along the route."

This isn't what he'd had hoped for. Anakin thought he would be able to look at the tracking data and pinpoint where his former master ended up. Unfortunately, his hopes seemed to be in vain. Of course, it wasn't that easy. If finding Obi-Wan were as simple as triangulating a map, the council would have done it already. 

At least, Anakin _hopes_ they would take the time to do so. After the council meeting he endured, he's suddenly not so sure... Which only fills him with resentment. It shouldn't have taken him barging in there for them to order a team to look for him. They stood by and waited for a signal of distress that quite possibly could never come. What if Anakin wasn't on leave? What if he didn't notice Obi-Wan's absence? 

A shiver runs down his spine. He doesn't want to think about that. Especially since his orders to return to Coruscant were nearly canceled. Had Plo Koon's battalion not opted to take over the skirmish in the adjacent sector, Anakin and the 501st would be there now instead of here.

"We'll go talk to Cody then," Anakin says, rising from the table. "We'll leave as soon as I secure us a ship." 

* * *

"Marri!" Gil bellows as the Jedi spreads his body over the father and daughter. 

"Papa, I'm okay!" she says, her voice shaky with shock. The Jedi jumps up as soon as the dust settles. Instinct has taken over, and he is not sure what he's doing, but his body seems to know. 

The entire ceiling didn't collapse as he had initially believed. Just a large flaming hole was created covering the living room in dust and debris. He looks up through the gaping skylight to the trees above.

"What the hell was--" 

Gil is cut off by another boom that causes the floor to vibrate under the Jedi's feet. He grits his teeth, looking back at his hosts who are now staring at him with wide eyes. 

"Hide!" he yells to them, and then he takes off out the front door. 

The air outside the cabin is humid from the recent rain. Fire burns the leaves off the surrounding trees, making the already thick air feel absolutely suffocating. The Jedi coughs and hacks, his eyes shifting around the area to find the source of the damage. 

Again he feels it. The pins and needles in his neck and seem to signify _danger_. He whirls around and across the clearing, there is a figure in a dark robe. 

"It seems I've made quite a mess." the woman says, her voice raspy. It taunts him. She drops a large flame thrower at her side and it hits the ground with a dull thud. "But you started it."

"Who are you? Why have you done this?" 

She scoffs, pulling off her hood. The woman is bald, with skin so pale it looks translucent and dark tattooed lines running down her chin from either corner of her mouth. Her appearance sparks a tiny bit of recognition, but not in the same way as before. This time he just feels a quick, sharp pain in his abdomen and the brief memory of maniac laughter. 

"I'm surprised you have to ask, Kenobi. Usually when people double-cross me they remember," she says, pulling out her own laser swords-- one for each hand. When the blades ignite, they don't shine a vibrant blue. They are bright red. 

_Kenobi._ The name causes another flash of memory through his head. A man with brown skin like Marri and Gil looks at him with a hardened stare. And then it softens into a small smile and he extends his hand. "Welcome to the council, Master Kenobi." 

The memory fades, and the Jedi-- Kenobi, apparently-- staggers backward. The woman still holds her weapons, but she looks deflated and a tad annoyed. 

"Why do you have that stupid look on your face?"

"I'm afraid I don't know who you are or why you have waged this fight against me." 

"Waged this-- did someone drop you on your head, what are you talking about?" She stalks forward but still doesn't attack. 

"Actually," Kenobi shrugs. "It's very possible someone did." 

The woman stares at him incredulously before raising her sabers once again. "You're stalling." 

"I wish I were."

"Skywalker can't save you," she spits. 

In his mind, another face comes to him. A child, with long blonde hair and a mischievous smile, stares up at him. 

_"Do I have to cut my hair, Master Kenobi?"_

_"Padawan learners must wear their hair short."_

_"But I look so much cooler with my hair this long."_

_He reaches out and tugs on a short braid behind the boy's ear. "But then nobody will see your accomplishments, young one."_

Kenobi looks at the woman and her two red blades. 

"I don't want to fight you," he says, raising his hands in surrender. The woman looks genuinely surprised and then angry. Angrier than he thought possible to someone trying to wave the white flag.

"I'm done playing this game. I thought you were honorable but I suppose the war has taken that from you as well," she spits, and leaps forward at an impossible rate, her weapons drawn. 

And faster than Kenobi can even process what his own body is doing he picks up the laser sword, ignites it, and propagates his body with his legs bent athletically. The woman arcs her sword through the air, but instead of hitting him, it hisses as it collides with the blue blade of Kenobi's own sword. 

She grunts, pulling back one of her weapons to strike him while he's deflecting her but he manages to twist and block that too. 

"I'm serious when I say I don't know who you are." 

"What a shame you don't remember all of our _wonderful_ times together," she says sarcastically, aiming for his legs. He jumps over her blade effortlessly. "I see you've managed to keep your annoying preference to Soresu." 

He blocks two more of her blows before springing backward in a backflip. _Huh, didn't realize I could do that_. Kenobi isn't quite sure when _Soresu_ is, but he assumes it has something to do with whatever he's currently doing. It's like his body is programmed to do these incredibly complex maneuvers that his brain isn't comprehending. His movements go far beyond anything he would do if he were to be strategizing how to survive this fight, so Kenobi gives into whatever is driving. 

It may be the only way he survives. 

"Muscle memory runs deep, my dear." 

"So do your poor attempts at charm, I see."

She manages to snag the sleeve of his tunic with her saber but it only skids past the fabric. Another wave of calm overtakes him and he dodges two more thrashes before landing a hard kick to her abdomen. Kenobi manages to swipe across her thigh, causing a hiss of pain. The woman jumps backward, out of range. Kenobi doesn't pursue her. 

"So far, I've gathered you don't like me very much." 

She glares at him as she holds the deep slash on her leg. "That's one way to put it." 

"Pity, I truly was feeling a connection." 

She jumps suddenly-- much higher than it seems possible-- and lands atop a branch high above them. Kenobi stays on guard, watching as she struggles to keep her balance with her injury. 

"You're not nearly as funny as you think you are." 

"And you were not as successful in your mission against me as you thought. Now, leave this place. If we meet again, so be it, but leave _them_ out of it." He gestures to the damaged home behind him where Marri and Gil have not yet shown themselves. 

She glares at him again, but he has a feeling he won't be seeing her for a few days. At least with that deep of a cut. The color from her cheeks has drained and she looks weary. 

"Do me a favor, Kenobi. When you reprogram yourself, learn a more exciting lightsaber style."

"Fighting words from someone licking their wounds." 

Her expression is venomous as she leaps once again, disappearing into the canopy. 

Kenobi deactivates his lightsaber, his body swaying with sudden exhaustion. The woman is gone and the danger has passed and now all he wants to do is rest. He drops to his knees as the door to the cottage swings open and Gil comes running out. 

He looks at the man, his face a mixture of shock and anger. Kenobi wonders who he's mad at. 

He blacks out before he can find out. 

* * *

Padmé's apartment is dark when Anakin enters. Considering the hour, he's not surprised. By now she knows better than to wait up for him.

But at the moment he needs his wife.

"Ani?" her voice is thick with sleep as he sits down on the edge of her side of the bed, placing his hand atop her waist and tracing the contours of her body through the blanket. 

"Sorry, I'm late." 

She blinks, the light of Coruscant illuminating just enough of the room for him to see her lovely face. "You're not staying." It isn't a question. She always seems to know exactly what's going on even before he tells her.

Anakin sighs. "It's Obi-Wan," 

She sits up, her drowsiness quickly subsiding. "Anakin, what's happened?" Padmé takes his hand in hers, rubbing circles over his thumb. 

This. This is why he made a point to slip away before his departure. 

"He's missing. Ahsoka and I are going to find him. I won't let the council give up on him." 

For the first time all day, Anakin's voice breaks. It's slight, but Padmé notices and draws him into a warm embrace. 

Truth be told, Obi-Wan is probably the number one person Anakin comes homes to complain about. The man can be infuriating, whether he's reprimanding him for something so outrageous as having _emotions_ or scolding him for crashing another land speeder. It's always something with him. 

But he's still Obi-Wan. Master Kenobi. And as many times as he's come home frustrated or annoyed with the man, there's been more than enough times he's made up for it in moments of laughter, happiness, and appreciation. Padmé likes to tell him Obi-Wan is hard on him because he cares. Well, Anakin vents about him because he, too, cares. Cares about his opinion, friendship, and wellbeing. 

Anakin imagines this is what it's like to have a father. 

"Do you have any leads?" Padmé asks, pulling back and searching his face with her warm brown eyes. 

"Barely. I'm hoping Cody has an idea." 

"I can ask around, see if there have been any reports of crashes or pirate activity in any of the systems." 

He smiles, pressing a kiss to his wife's forehead. "This is why I love you."

"You'll find him, Ani." 

Even with Padmé, he doesn't say what's also going through his head. With war engulfing his life, Anakin has found it's becoming harder and harder to keep pessimistic thoughts out of his mind. Where in the galaxy could he be where he wouldn't have tried to send for help? Where could he be where he's unable to commandeer a ship? Why is his presence in the Force practically a whisper? They're questions that continue to plague Anakin as he leaves his lovely wife and meets up with Ahsoka at the docking bay. As the ship flies into the military lanes above Coruscant Anakin finds the possible answers to his questions are less than pleasant. 

What would Obi-Wan tell him? To keep his thoughts in the present, probably. To not center on his anxieties.

_Easier said than done, Master._

* * *

Lubang Minor is practically a legend. That's the running joke, at least. It's not often outsiders find their way to the surface. There is hardly a single spot large enough to land a craft greater than a single passenger ship. Trees cover every inch-- at least that's how it looks from above. 

There is a spot nearby where Marri and her friends used to go. It's the highest point of elevation on the entire planet, and if you climb the tallest tree that sits on the summit of the small mountain you can gaze over the entire surface. 

They call it the edge of the galaxy.

Up there Marri can see why outsiders often don't land. The trees are thick and the afternoon rain clouds can be treacherous. On the ground, they are shelter, but from above they are suicide. Only heavy drops of rain are able to slip through the protective canopy in soft mists. It's easy to imagine what that kind of damage that could do to a ship. 

But she's always wondered what's out there in the galaxy above her rooftop of leaves and branches. Stories only do so much to satisfy her curiosity. And now she stares at the unconscious Jedi resting on their couch. His brow is set and he jerks in his sleep like he's having a nightmare. 

"Why does someone want to hurt us, papa?" she asks, looking up at her father attempting to patch the hole that had been made in their roof. Half a log still lies in the space she and her father sat before the Jedi forced them to the ground and shielded them with his own body. She still isn't sure how he could have possibly known that was going to happen.

"I don't believe they want to hurt _us_ ," he glances over at the sleeping man. "I think they were searching for him." 

"He seemed so kind, though." 

"That isn't to say he isn't kind, Mar. Just that whoever is after him isn't." 

"So you will still help him?" 

Her father stops his handiwork for a moment and looks back at Marri. She can see guilt and indecision in his face. 

"I won't let anything hurt this family." 

"That does not answer my question. You told him--" 

"That was before his presence destroyed our living room!" 

Silence blankets the room. Marri chews on her lip. She doesn't particularly like arguing with her father, but sometimes she knows he needs _someone_ to push back against him.

"He is obviously in need." 

Papa finally steps off the chair he was standing on and comes closer to Marri. "Why are you so fixated on this? He nearly got us killed, Marri. Are you not afraid?" 

A part of her wants to tell him that she has this feeling about him. Marri can't explain it, but she knows she can trust him. Her father doesn't exactly believe in gut feelings, though.

"He protected us, too." 

"And very soon after, collapsed." 

"But he protected us. Like you said Jedi are supposed to do." 

"The man doesn't even remember being a Jedi." 

"But he still fought for us. Whether he remembers or not, he does what is right." 

He stares at her for a long moment. His face finally softens. "I remember when you didn't argue with me. You used to look at me like I designed the stars in the sky." 

"And now I call you out on how dumb placing one so close to Lubang was." 

He chuckles. "You sound like your mother." 

"She would have helped the Jedi. Especially after what he did for us." 

Marri can tell she's finally gotten through to him. He sighs, looking back at the sleeping man. "You're becoming more and more like her every day. Including her propensity for being right." 

She sits back down, satisfied. Marri just has this feeling that this Jedi is someone important. She felt it from the moment she found him in the clearing. Seeing him face the woman with the red swords was confirmation. 

Oh, how masterful he fought. It was like watching a blur of blue against red. A brutal dance. The Jedi moved so quickly she didn't think it to be physically possible. The same could be said for his opponent. It was the most incredible thing she's ever seen. 

The Jedi suddenly goes quiet. His movements stop and the small words that occasionally leak from his mouth cease. Marri scans over him with her dark eyes and determines that he is still asleep, but not troubled any more. His face has relaxed and his body loses the rigidity. Finally, he sleeps without concern.

* * *

He sees the pale woman with the tattoos once again. It's cold now, though. The sticky humidity of Lubang Minor is replaced with the feeling of standing in a chilly wind while soaking wet. He shakes, glaring at the woman who watches him from across the room. 

When he tries to move, his body stays still. His shoulders suddenly ache and Kenobi realizes he's suspended with his hands chained to a pipe above him. 

"Ventress," he hisses, her name suddenly on his lips like he's known it all along.

"You still have too much fight for my taste. I hope I can change that." Her voice is calm and almost seductive. It makes him want to retch. 

"You'll never break me." 

"I wouldn't be so sure." 

And then there is pain. He's not sure where it's coming from but it's all-encompassing. He bites his lip, tasting copper as he tries hard not to scream. Not to give her the satisfaction of his agony. 

"Submit, Jedi. You will be mine. And then you will be dead. Just like your padawan."

A new pain. This one not physical, but a horrid ache from within. "No," he says through his teeth. "That isn't true."

"No one left that battlefield alive. You saw the explosion with your own two eyes." 

Grief overtakes him and he finds it drowns out the physical pain she's subjecting him to. He slumps in his chains, squeezing his eyes shut to try and prevent the tears from escaping. _No. Not Anakin._

But there is light. And Ventress is suddenly gone and walking-- no-- running through the door comes a young man with short dirty-blonde hair and a long braid originating behind his ear. He looks frantic and upset, running up to Kenobi with shakey hands and a lightsaber rattling at his side. 

"Master!" he bellows, throwing his arms around Kenobi's neck in a desperate embrace. Kenobi feels the warmth and relief hit him in an instant and he finds that his own hands are no longer bound. He hugs the boy back. "I thought you were dead." 

In his arms, Kenobi is startled by how small he is. The robes do a good job of covering up just how lanky he is. While tall-- nearly taller than him-- his pre-pubescence is obvious. Stars, _he can't be more than fifteen, why does he smell like blaster fire and blood?_ Kenobi squeezes him, his own feeling of joy overtaking the pain he'd been previously experiencing. "I thought the same, padawan." 

Kenobi wakes to sunshine once again. This time through the window as he lies on the couch in Gil and Marri's home. Reality sets in. He's not trapped by this _Ventress_ or being tortured. He's on Lubang Minor. 

Though, Ventress does appear to be here. That's a bit concerning considering this new context. 

Kenobi assumes his dreams are memories. They feel too emotional... too real to be figments of his imagination. Even if they aren't entirely correct in terms of real events they seem to be connected to real people in his life. _Anakin Skywalker._ The name brings a blossom of pride and an ache of a more complicated emotion in his chest. _Padawan_. He's not quite sure the exact connection to this boy, but he can tell it's important. 

"You're awake," a girl's voice says, and Marri rounds the couch so he can see her. 

"Indeed, my dear, how long was I asleep?" 

"Only a few hours." 

It felt like much longer. 

Kenobi looks around the room. Gill seemed to get a lot done in just a few hours. The hole in the ceiling has a sturdy patch and much of the debris is gone minus a bit of dirt and dust. The man, however, is nowhere to be found. 

"Where is your father?" 

"He should be returning soon. He went to ask our neighbor, Cam if he knew about any crash sites."

"I see. This Cam is a--"

"A scavenger. He has connections all over the planet." 

A good start. He scans over Marri for injuries. Besides a shallow scrape across her cheek that he probably caused from throwing her to the ground she seems fine. He hopes Gil is the same. 

"Are you alright, child? I'm sorry that woman did this. I wish I knew what she wanted." 

"So you still don't remember?" the voice of Gil rings out as the front door swings open. He watches Kenobi closely as he shrugs off a light rain jacket. He gets the feeling that Gil still doesn't particularly like him, but he at least seems comfortable enough to leave him alone with his daughter, which is a start. 

"A few things have come back to me. Does the name Kenobi mean anything to you?"

Gil stands behind the couch and strokes his chin. "Kenobi? Not any name I've ever heard before. Who's that?" 

"Apparently, it's me. My name--or a part of my name, I'm assuming-- is Kenobi." 

"Kenobi." Marri smiles. "That's nice." 

He smiles at her appreciatively. 

"Any other revelations?"

"A few names. Skywalker. Ventress is the name of the woman after me, I believe. Something about _padawans_ and being a part of a council."

Gil just nods, taking in Kenobi's notes. His face remains ultimately neutral. "It's more than we knew yesterday, I suppose." 

He sounds disappointed, still.

"Marri said you spoke to a friend about crash sites?" 

He glances at Marri before nodding. "Yes. And Cam has a lead." 

* * *

Master Skywalker has two modes: acting on impulse and completely overthinking. 

Ahsoka doesn't often get to see the latter, but when she does she can't help but think it's a little scary. Withdrawn into his mind-- both socially and in the Force-- she hopes some clarity can be found when they reach Obi-Wan's star destroyer. Ahsoka is not sure how her master would react to a dead end.

By the time they pull out of hyperspace and into view of the massive star destroyer, she can tell her master is reaching his breaking point of being cooped up in this tiny ship. They haven't spoken much the entire journey. Her master gave her a few katas to work on and spent much of his time locked up in his quarters. Even when they were sitting in the cockpit together she wasn't even sure what to say. 

Ahsoka tries to think of what she would want someone to say to her if Anakin were missing for a month and no one said anything. No one went looking for him. She'd be outraged, to say the least. Feeling hurt and worried. The only words that would make her feel better would be _"we found him."_

The ship docks and they make their way up to the bridge to meet with Commander Cody. At a glance, Ahsoka can see the shadow of General Kenobi still looming around the ship. While _The Resolute_ always seems to hold an aura of chaos, _The Negotiator_ also mimics the personality of her general-- orderly and efficient. There are military standards the clones are trained to uphold, of course, but it's what is different that strikes intrigue. What Ahsoka notices is that the 212th clones walk around without their helmets. It seems to be normal for the men to travel about the ship with their buckets tucked under their arms rather than wearing them. With their faces visible, it's obvious to see the liberties the men have taken with their style: haircuts of all lengths, colors, and styles make for a bit of a rainbow through the halls. Many have distinctive tattoos on their face and neck as well.

This doesn't surprise her. Master Obi-Wan has always been a big advocate of individuality for the clones. He's constantly trying to make an effort to ensure he learns the name of every single one of his men. Not that Master Skywalker doesn't-- the 501st is notorious for their personalized paint jobs and comradery. Ahsoka just finds it interesting how the different methodologies of showing personality have manifested differently among the two groups. 

They reach the bridge and find that Commander Cody is waiting for them. As they enter, he turns, saluting. The rest of the men on the bridge stop and follow suit. 

"General Skywalker and Commander Tano," Cody says with a small smile. 

"At ease," Anakin says, and the men relax and return to their duties. "Good to see you, Cody." 

"And you sir, though, I wish it were under different circumstances." 

Cody looks tired. Behind his carefully crafted mask of stoicism, she can see bits of concern. Cody is a good friend of Master Kenobi. That much is plain to see. 

Anakin starts explaining the situation thus far to him, but Ahsoka finds herself looking at the men around the bridge. Their motives are sly, but she can see their wandering eyes and still positions. Fingers remain stagnant, hovering above keyboards as Master Skywalker and Cody talk about the disappearance of their general. Some plainly show their eavesdropping, starting at the officers in vain. 

As she realizes the stares are not out of curiosity but out of genuine care and concern, Ahsoka finally feels reality hitting her like a training saber to the gut. Something is actually _wrong_. Cody is talking about how Master Obi-Wan failed to file the debriefing paperwork and submit supply orders. How he wasn't responding to any transmissions and his ship went completely dark just a few hours after he departed. How Cody made multiple reports to the Jedi Council inquiring about his status and received no answer. 

And Anakin looks mad. Outwardly mad. In the way in which he fumes at the entire galaxy because what is the point of throwing a fit at the Jedi council, anyways? 

_Meditate on your ill feelings. Release them to the Force._

How many times has he heard those words? 

Usually, Ahsoka understands the advice. Jedi are calm. Centered. But this? Master Skywalker's anger is rightful. So many times she listened to Anakin vent about how the council was placing the war ahead of the people. Sometimes, if Obi-Wan were there, he would defend his fellow councilmembers.

Other times, he would stay silent. Pretend he wasn't listening.

She wonders what he will say when they find them. 


	3. Crash

Kenobi is surprised when Gil hands a bag full of water and rations to him, and a crudely drawn map to Marri. 

"You aren't going with us?" he asks.

Gil looks at the Jedi, a small smile appearing on his lips. He wordlessly bends down and lifts the leg of his pants to reveal wood carved in the shape of a calf where his left leg should be. 

"I would only slow you down. Marri knows these woods. She will take you to the crash site." 

He wants to ask how he obtained the injury, but he doesn't. 

"I thank you for your help, Gil. I am truly lucky to have come across honest people in my time of need." 

"As long as you don't put any more holes in my roof, I'll count us even, Jedi."

Marri and Kenobi set off into the woods and he finds that they are indeed thick and winding as Gil had claimed. There's no clear trail or pathway to take-- only the seemingly random twists and turns that Marri leads him through. The girl remains fairly untalkative, her eyes constantly scanning the surroundings as she leads. 

"Do you ever get lost?" Kenobi asks her when they reach a stretch of cleared woods. 

"I used to."

"Would your father come find you?" 

"Well, not exactly. I would have to find my own way home." 

Kenobi glances around the terrain. Even on a good day, he isn't sure he would be able to navigate this place without going in hopeless circles. 

"Even as a young child?" 

Marri brushes a few stray curls from her head, looking up into the canopy above. "My mother used to say we learn languages best when we are young. Our minds gobble them up like they are sweets," she smiles at Kenobi. "The forest is its own language and the best method of teaching is total immersion." 

He can only stare at her in wonder. This girl is barely sixteen and she speaks with the eloquent wisdom of one much older. 

"The forest even told me how to find you," she adds. 

"It _told_ you?"

Marri nods. 

"The wind likes to whisper. And the afternoon rains were delayed. You caused quite a commotion."

"Do all of your people, uh, _speak tree_?" 

She giggles. "Some. My father couldn't track his way out of an open field." she holds up the map he drew that Kenobi suddenly notices she hasn't once looked at. "But he makes do. My mother though... she was the one who taught me."

The question had been burning in his mind since he arrived at their home. "Where is your mother now, Marri?" 

His inquiry doesn't seem to phase her. Marri just stares ahead as they continue on their route. "She died six years ago. A sickness in her blood."

"I'm sorry," 

"We like to say our dead are released back into the spirit of the woods. There is always life after physical death." Marri looks up again as a slim beam of the sun shines through a hole in the trees. "Mama is watching." 

Kenobi lets the silence fall over them once again. All he can hear around them is the rustling of branches and the occasional sound of tiny animals scurrying through the shadows. It's quite peaceful. 

In his mind, he gets a flash of what looks to be a massive room full of running water. Waterfalls, pools all in a bed of sunshine. He can feel the gentle mist of cool water on his cheeks and the sound of children laughing and splashing. As soon as it comes, it disappears.

Strange, the memories that have come back. 

They walk for what feels like hours. Marri seems unfazed but Kenobi can't help but feel a deep ache in his legs. Apparently, the energy he gained while fighting Ventress is not in the same reserves as whatever fills his hiking tank. Despite the longing to sit down, he's eager to reach the crash site. With any luck, it will spark enough memory to tell him how he got here. 

* * *

For the hundredth time this week, Anakin curses the size of the galaxy. The leads they have on Obi-Wan's location are flimsy. Dead ends. 

He and Ahsoka land on Telos IV, heading into the busy city. Cody suggested they check the hospitals. 

Anakin wishes the suggestion was outlandish, but he knows the commander is right. It's an option they hadn't considered yet. 

"Obi-Wan wouldn't go to a hospital." 

"Not willingly..." Ahsoka says, her voice trailing off nervously as soon as the words left her mouth. "Sorry, Master. I didn't mean that." The pit in Anakin's stomach twists. He hates that she's right.

The first two hospitals had no patients matching his description. Now on the third, the staff seems much less cooperative. 

"I'm sorry, I can't release that information." the woman at the front desk says with a blank face.

"We're looking for a lost Jedi. We are Jedi. What do you _mean_ you can't release that information? _"_

"Do you have identification?" 

Anakin fronts, reaching for his lightsaber on his belt. "I'll show you identif--"

"Master, I think we left it in the speeder, let's just go get it." his young padawan urges, grabbing him tightly at the elbow. Anakin drops his saber, glaring at the woman whos seems entirely unphased. As they walk away Ahsoka shakes her head. "Should we really be throwing around the fact we're Jedi here, Master? Isn't Telos a Separatist planet." 

She's right. It is. Anakin looks at her with a blank expression. "At this point, I don't really care." She seems unsettled by his sour mood, and he internally chastises himself for his behavior around his padawan, but at the moment he's tired, cranky, and starting to get desperate. Above all he's frustrated. Frustrated with how poorly the search is going. How he hasn't heard anything new from the council. Not a peep through the Force. It's like Obi-Wan is just... gone. 

Anakin reminds himself if he were dead, he would surely have felt it. He can't be dead... but he can't help the part of him that wishes he had _some_ sort of confirmation of what state he's in. He reaches out with the Force again. Nothing resembling Obi-Wan's Force signature draws his attention. But... another signature does. 

Anakin's eyes fly open and his hand goes to the hilt of his saber. Ahsoka looks startled, reaching for her own weapons but obviously unaware of what he found. 

"Master what--"

"Ventress." 

And he starts to run through the hospital with Ahsoka right behind him. He pushes through the medical staff and other patients, ignoring their yells of outrage. He reaches the end of a hallway and bursts through the doors of a patient room. 

On a hospital bed sits Asajj Ventress. Anakin ignites his saber and she glares at him, looking quite annoyed. 

"Why am I not surprised?" she sighs. 

"What are you doing here?" he yells, taking an aggressive stance. While her weapons are not drawn he won't make the mistake of underestimating the quick-moving assassin.

"Oh, I don't know, what does it _look like_ , Skywalker?" 

Anakin actually stops to observe the scene he crashed into. Ventress looks bad. Worse than usual. Anakin didn't think it possible but she looks paler than normal. He scans down her body to find she's not in her usual attire but an ill-fitting hospital gown, A thick bacta bandage wraps around the center of her thigh and she's attached to numerous sensors and needles. 

"She's injured," Ahsoka whispers. 

"Yes, I can see that," he says, but he keeps his lightsaber ignited. "Looks like you got what you deserve, Ventress." 

She rolls her eyes with her usual level of apathy laced with sarcasm. "Kenobi truly taught you nothing about manners, did he?" 

The mention of Obi-Wan sends him back into his frenzy. He points the tip of his sabar toward her. "It's no coincidence you're here, is it, Ventress? You know where he is." 

Her frown softens into more of a smirk. "The galaxy is large, Jedi. I don't know what you mean." 

Anakin has half a mind to test the limits of whatever pain medication they have her on, but he holds back. _Focus, Anakin. Center yourself._

Anakin presses his saber forward until it's hovering close enough to her face to illuminate the contours of her sharp bone structure with a soft blue glow. She doesn't even flinch. "This is a Separatist planet, Ventress, and you're not exactly Dooku's pet anymore. We're not on the same team, but we have a common enemy and I'm not afraid to exploit that."

Her face falls a tiny bit. Enough for Anakin to know he's right. She watches him intensely as he draws his saber away from her face. 

"What happened to your leg?" Ahsoka asks, stepping up to look at the nasty-looking injury peeking out from under the bandage. 

"Why don't you press your lightsaber to your thigh for a few seconds and find out, little girl." 

Anakin blinks. "Obi-Wan did that to you. Didn't he?" Ventress's glare shifts from Ahsoka to Anakin, but she doesn't answer. Which is enough of an answer. "Tell me where Obi-Wan is, Ventress, or I swear I will alert the Separatists that Dooku's rogue assassin is holed up on Telos." 

"And expose your little expedition to find your lost Master?" 

"Ahsoka and I run pretty fast. Something I suspect you may have trouble doing." 

She sneers at him, the annoyance radiating off her in waves. He can sense a resolve coming, though. 

"Fine," she says, wiping off a sheen of sweat from her forehead. _She's feverish,_ Anakin observes from the glassiness of her eyes. _Maybe infection?_ "The last time I saw Obi-Wan Kenobi, he took off with my ship," She looks between Anakin and Ahsoka, shaking her head. "And when I found him to kick his ass for abandoning me with a pair of psychopaths, he didn't know who I was."

* * *

Marri stops suddenly, her face tilted up in the air, and eyes fluttering closed. Kenobi watches at the wind blows across her face, sending tendrils of her hair backward in gentle waves. Curiosity strikes him, and he too closes his eyes, focusing on the world around him. The wind brushing the loose parts of his clothing aside, the grass beneath his booths. 

Then a weird feeling comes over him. Almost like his senses become sharper and suddenly there is more to his surroundings. He feels a strength to the wind like it's pushing him in a direction as a guiding hand. Those blades of grass become individuals, each giving off their own energy that drives up through his feet and throughout his body. Kenobi feels energized and airy, and the feeling doesn't stop there. Even with his eyes closed, it's like he can sense everything around him. The bug crawling up the tree trunk a few meters from him. Marri and all of her energy shining brightly. The condensation dripping off the edge of a leaf, only to find a new home amongst another cluster of foliage. Energy from the sun and the growing humidity of the day forming cloud formations in the sky above him. 

The rain is coming, he observes. They must continue. 

But he can feel something nagging at him. Like someone standing on the other side of a locked door. Kenobi walks up to the door and tries the handle, but there is something blocking the way. He presses his ear against it and in the very far distance, he can hear a whisper. 

_Master?_

He stops. Doesn't even breathe. It could have been the wind, but there is a familiarity that strikes him. Unfortunately, it is a fleeting feeling.

And when he opens his eyes he finds that Marri is staring at him, her mouth agape. As he blinks back into focus an ear-to-ear smile comes across her face. 

"You feel it too, don't you?"

"I... I do." 

What does he feel? Kenobi isn't sure, but he knows that he feels it and it makes him feel warm. It's the same feeling that overtook him when Ventress attacked.

"What did you see?" 

He blinks. The answer pops into his head like it's obvious. "The ship." 

Kenobi starts to walk, spearheading the search now as he suddenly knows exactly where to go. He puts his hand on a tree, staring at the grooves in the bark and a flash of memory goes through his head. He's been here before. 

But the last time his handheld this particular spot his vision was clouded and he was seeing more than one hand and more than one tree. They are close. 

Over a fallen tree and through a thick bush, Kenobi pushes past the increasing glimpses of familiarity. The smell of oil and blood crinkles his nose, but when he looks at Marri he realizes it's nothing more than his mind remembering his forgotten fate. 

They reach a clearing, and the carnage is laid out before them. It's a small starfighter with a feature that makes it look like a fan-- at least he suspects that is what it once looked like. The ship is heavily mangled and the metal is twisted at horrific angles. From the broken branches in the trees above it's obvious it crashed. 

The cockpit is practically nothing. Even from here, he can see blood splattered across the window. 

"Stars, you survived this?" Marri asks as if he isn't standing next to her alive and mostly-well. 

But her question sparks something in his mind that causes his stomach to lurch and his vision to blur. He drops to his knees, sitting back on his heels to try and subside the dizziness. 

"I believe I'm about to find out," he says, and Marri lunges at him to guide his body to the ground as it falls limp. 

* * *

\- three weeks ago -

Asajj Ventress cannot believe her own actions as she types in a commlink code she never expected to _ever_ use. She stands in front of the holo, an unexpected amount of anxiety buzzing through her chest. 

_Your pride. Swallow it._ She thinks to herself, sighing as a series of beeps indicate the signal is going through.

Seconds later the blue holographic image of a very familiar Jedi pops up. Even he can't hide his surprise.

"Ventress?" 

"Hello, Obi-Wan Kenobi," she says, trying not to think about just how _weird_ this is. At one point she took great pleasure in his torture and now she's actually calling him for reasons besides general deception and evil. 

Asajj is not sure she likes this turn of events. It's certainly out of her usual character... But this is unfortunately important, no matter how detestable the company of the brazen Jedi Master is. 

"How did you get this code?" 

Getting the code to his personal commlink took some work, but he's not as untouchable as he believes himself to be. 

"Unimportant at the moment."

"Why are you calling me, then?" 

She exhales sharply. This is harder than she thought it would be. Asajj straightens her spine and puts on her best neutral face. 

"Dooku tried to kill me. And I tried to kill him back, but unfortunately, my plan was... uncooperative. But I seem to have uncovered some information that may prove to be advantageous to you." 

"To me?" That look of surprise again. The Jedi must be tired, he's far more expressive than usual. "When did _you_ become the good guy?"

"Don't insult me. Especially when I'm telling you who's _annoyingly_ come back from the dead." 

He stiffens. "Back from the-- What are you talking about?" 

"I may have run into the brother of a certain former Sith Lord. The one who served before Dooku. And I may have discovered he found his dead-and-gone brother and resurrected him from his exile." 

There's a moment of dead air between them. His surprise turns to a hardened mask. There's the General Kenobi she knows. 

"Are you... are you trying to tell me that Darth Maul lives?" He says _Darth Maul_ like it's a bad word. 

"So it seems. They plan to go to Raydonia and lay waste to a few villages there. Draw you out. You've always been insufferable, Kenobi, but you've truly pissed him off to a new level." 

"And why are you telling me all this? Why warn me?" 

She notes that he's taking the information of the Sith Lord he's been rumored to have killed a decade ago remarkably well. Asajj wonders how long he can hold that facade together. 

"I hate to admit it, but I cannot face Savage _and_ Maul. And you're unfortunately the only person in the Galaxy that has managed to kill Maul once." 

It's quiet on the other end of the holo. For a moment Ventress wonders if it's frozen but he finally reaches up and strokes his beard. 

"If this is a trap..."

"I've gotten trying to kill you out of my system. A few times now. I've moved on to bigger and less pointless motives." 

He smiles.

"You're ever full of surprises." 

"And you're hopelessly predictable and taking up my afternoon. What is your answer, Kenobi?"

"I can meet you at Botajef."

"Alone," she adds. 

"Indeed. I will see you in six standard days." 

Just as he said, he arrived into the orbit of Botajef six days later. Asajj watched his Delta-7 starship come out of hyperspace and toward her own ship. An incoming transmission pops up and the hologram of Obi-Wan appears.

"Greetings, my dear." 

"Do you flirt with every enemy you come across or should I be so lucky?" 

"So we are still enemies despite working together?" 

"We certainly aren't friends." 

"Funny, I thought ruthless torture was a show of friendly affection." 

A low blow. She nearly cringes. Instead, Asajj masks it with an eye roll. It's been many years since she took Kenobi hostage during the battle of Jabiim and held him on Rattatak in an effort to break the Jedi Knight. Not that she regrets it-- he survived didn't he?-- but her anger has subsided since getting out from under the double-crossing foot of Dooku. People change. 

Though she's still mad he stole her old master's lightsaber. One day she'll get her revenge for _that_. 

Still, his tone is light and sarcastic. Asajj is pretty sure his hot-headed apprentice holds a nastier grudge against her for her efforts to kill Obi-Wan than Obi-Wan himself. 

"I'll let Grevious know you'd like to schedule a sleepover." 

"So Raydonia. What is our play?" 

They scheme (though Ventress supposes Kenobi would use the word _plan)._ From Asajj's info, Maul and Savage should be headed there now.

But they are closer. 

"How are we supposed to know what village they plan to pillage?" Obi-Wan asks, stroking his chin in thought. 

"I thought you were " _The Negotiator",_ master of _strategy_ ," she mocks. "The only ships going in and out of Raydonia are supply ships." 

His face lights up. She half expects a lightbulb to appear above his head. 

"We can hide in the treeline, track any incoming ships, and scan for lifeforms. Most supply ships nowadays are droid-operated." 

"I see why your battles are the way they are, now." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Nevermind, Kenobi. We have work to do." 

* * *

Warning lights are flashing through the cockpit and the holo shorts out. _No. No, no, no, no._ Kenobi tries to pull up on the controls but the ship is _dead_ and all he can see is the sea of greenery below and the streaks of fire igniting against the nose of the ship as he plummets through the atmosphere to the ground below. 

He braces himself on the sides of the ship, pressing his hands to the dashboard and trying to summon _anything_ to slow it down. 

Adrenaline isn't doing a damn thing. His eyes keep trying to close without his permission. He can't slip off. Not now. There's so much he has to--

The ship slams into the trees with incredible force that sends him crashing forward and then pressed back into the seat. His forehead smacks into the steering, sending a sickening crack through the cockpit that is only drowned out by the sound of snapping branches and metal being twisted and bent as the ship continues its descent down through the forest. 

His vision is tunneling. He's surprised he hasn't blacked out yet because his body feels limp and unresponsive. The ship hits another round of branches and flips, and Kenobi hears screaming as he races toward the ground head-first. 

_That's me screaming,_ he realizes. His eyes go wide and he puts his hands up as if the strength of his shoulders will prevent him from being crushed by this damned starship. 

His stomach lurches.

His eyes close. 

In the darkness, he can hear the sound of durasteel hitting earth.

But he feels no pain. 

When he opens his eyes he finds himself suspended. He stares down at a forest floor, but there is no ship. He looks up to find his legs hooked over a tree branch.

No crash. No fire. Just a grassy clearing. 

And a man. A tall man with long brown hair and a beard staring at him with arms crossed over his chest and amusement in his eyes. 

"Showing off again, padawan?" 

The world flips around and Kenobi lands on his feet. "I'm not showing off, Master, I'm... finding new ways to meditate."

"And how is that one working out for you?" 

He can feel the blood rushing back down to the rest of his body, alleviating the light-headed feeding. 

"I've had better meditations."

There's a small laugh and Kenobi looks past the man before him to see a young woman sitting in the grass. She looks at him with rosy cheeks and clear blue eyes that sparkle in the sunlight. Her shy smile makes him smile back. The man looks back to where he is looking and rolls his eyes humorously. 

"Right. Try not to hurt yourself or the duchess in your _pursuits_ , Obi-Wan." 

_Obi-Wan_. 

The name echoes and the forest scene melts away to yet another forest clearing. 

But this one is littered with broken branches and the wreckage of a ship. Marri stands near, examining it up close. 

Somehow she managed to prop him up against a tree. He brushes off the drowsiness, taking in the pieces he has retrieved this time. 

_Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan Kenobi._ He assumes this is his name. He whispers it under his breath, letting the words roll off his tongue. This only makes him feel worse. There is no familiarity. No flash of memory this time. 

So he saw the moment before the crash, but what _happened_ to him? What made his own name feel foreign in his mouth? Why are only random snippets of memories returning? It's distressing to live as a blank slate. Half of him wants to start over. Build his own cabin on Lubang and just figure it out. He obviously has this gift for sensing nature that Marri talks of, so maybe he's meant to be here. Maybe he's from here and this is all a roundabout way of remembering a horrible crash. 

There's the other half of him that needs to know the truth. He wants to know who he is, who the Jedi are. Who are all the people he sees? Why are they significant enough to be penetrating through the barrier that is keeping him from knowing the life he's left behind? 

And are they looking for him? Or will he be lost on this planet whether he remembers or not?


	4. History

As a youngling, Ahsoka was taught of the long history of Jedi versus Sith. After the lesson of the extinction of the Sith when she was twelve, one of her creche-mates named Jancey ran up next to her in the hallway, nudging her in the side.

"They're back, you know." 

"Who?" 

"The Sith," he whispered.

Ahsoka remembers looking at Jancey like he was crazy. The Chandrilan had always had a big mouth and much of what liked to come out of it was less than truthful... but then she saw a tiny braid behind his ear. He'd become a padawan. Recently it seemed. 

"That can't be true. They just told us they're no more." 

The Chandrilan padawan scoffs. "My _master_ told me that's what they tell the _younglings."_

Ahsoka crossed her arms and gave him a look. "Then what's the truth?" 

"I can't tell you, _youngling_." 

She had half a mind to lay him out right there in the hallway but Master Ti was on the other side of the corridor. 

"Then why even bring it up, Jancey? You know I hate it when you do this." 

Jancey shrugged, a sly grin on his face. "Exactly." 

She shoots him answer intense look and then turns to return to her quarters. There's the patter of footsteps behind her and then Jancey gets back into step with her. 

"You've heard of Master Kenobi?" 

Ahsoka had. Obi-Wan Kenobi was a well respected Master, often helping out with lessons or doing sparring demonstrations with his senior padawan. She's never met him directly, but she'd heard his padawan was supposed to be knighted soon, which would mean Master Kenobi could be looking for a new padawan... It was rumored he got a lot of cool missions, so she definitely hoped to catch his eye.

"Of course, he is teaching our Form III class next cycle."

Jancey looked around the now-empty hall and leaned in. "My master told me he killed a Sith. As a _padawan_. And the council decided to immediately make him a master."

She didn't believe him at the time. Sure, Master Kenobi was infamous around the Temple, but she was sure she would hear about him killing a Sith. 

It wasn't until after she became Master Skywalker's padawan that she found out the truth was so much more than what Jancey had gossiped to her about. She and Master Skywalker were flying to meet up with the 501st in a solo craft a few weeks after she was assigned to him. He was in an exceptionally good mood-- he's the only person she's ever met that walks away from the senate building _happy_ \-- and she decided to take advantage of it while they sat in the cockpit watching the blur of hyperspace go by.

"Master, I have a question about Master Kenobi." 

Anakin had looked surprised at first. "What about him?" 

"Did he... someone once told me... He said there was a Sith and--" When she said _Sith_ it was like the color drained from her master's face. 

"Yes," Anakin interrupted, looking straight forward. "Loud-mouth padawans tell the younglings again?" She nods. "Obi-Wan did fight a Sith. Years ago." 

Somehow it felt more real coming from Anakin. She could tell he wasn't exactly comfortable with the conversation but now she needed to know. 

"A padawan once told me he _killed_ a Sith." 

Anakin sighed and looked back at Ahsoka. She was shocked to see palpable _sorrow_ and _grief_ on his face. "Not before Maul killed Obi-Wan's master in front of him."

He tells the story of how they were protecting Senator Amidala-- then a Queen. Ahsoka had heard the abridged story of how Anakin came to the Temple when he was older and Master Kenobi took him as his padawan but she never knew... the circumstances. He recounts the details of fighting against the Trade Federation blockade as a nine-year-old and how his celebration was stifled by returning to find Obi-Wan cradling the body of Qui-Gon Jinn-- who was also the man who promised to train Anakin. The man who found him and gave him a new dream of being a Jedi.

And how it was the only time Anakin has ever seen Obi-Wan cry like that. That they put him with the other younglings for a few weeks before Master Jinn's funeral, unsure what to even do with him... but finally one day Obi-Wan walked in, the long braid behind his ear suddenly gone. He took Anakin to the Temple garden and told him he would train him. 

Over the course of his story, Ahsoka realized the emotion on her master's face is not for Master Jinn's return to the Force. It was empathy for Master Kenobi. 

"I still haven't admitted this to him, but I was a difficult padawan." Anakin sighed. "It wasn't until he disappeared in the Battle of Jabiim and they told me he was... dead... that I really understood what it feels like to lose a master." he glances back out the window. "It's a horrible feeling."

"I can imagine," Ahsoka replied. Even though their partnership had been short-lived, she couldn't imagine him not being there. In just a few weeks they'd been through so much. So many battles. "You _should_ tell Master Obi-Wan. I'm sure he'd like to hear that." 

Anakin scoffed. "I'm sure the old man would." Like a switch had been flipped his somber mood shifted back to a more lighthearted one and he smiled humorously. "That would be admitting he's right though, and we can't inflate his ego like that." 

They never talked about it again. Neither Master Skywalker nor Master Kenobi ever brought it up, but Ahsoka thought about it whenever she saw Master Kenobi. She started to notice the sadness in his eyes hidden behind the stoic face of the Master Jedi. 

_He killed the Sith that took his master, though_. Ahsoka justified it to herself. _There's nothing that could make it better._

But the things Ventress told her and Anakin changed everything. Savage found his brother, Maul. Maul is the Sith that Master Kenobi supposedly killed on Naboo. 

He lives. 

Ahsoka can't help but wonder what that means for Master Kenobi. What he must be feeling. Maybe if Ventress is right-- if he somehow lost some of his memory-- that could be for the best. At least for a little while.

The walk back to the ship is tense. Master Skywalker hasn't said a word, which is out of character for him. She expected him to be seething, coming up with some sort of plan of action to find Maul. 

There is only silence. 

They reach the ship, lift off back into space, and Master Skywalker sets a course for Lubang Minor. The ship lurches forward

* * *

"Do you know how to meditate?" Marri asks, sitting down on a rock. Obi-Wan looks back at her, raising his eyebrow inquisitively. It's well past midday now, and they have a journey back to her home ahead of them. That with the rain cloud that is already spreading across the sky, he'd much rather be on his way. There is nothing in this crash that can help them. He's riffled through it all morning.

"Do we have time for that?"

She opens one eye. "That was not my question." 

He pads over and stands in front of her, watching as she closes her eye once again and straightens her spine. "If you also have a gift as I do, then meditation can bring clarity. It could help you remember." 

"We could do this back at your home."

"Sit, Kenobi." 

He sighs and lowers himself down to the grass, matching the way she crosses her legs in a lotus position. 

"Now what?" 

"Just breathe. Feel. Let nature surround you and use it to calm yourself." 

Obi-Wan closes his eyes and does as he's told. He breathes. He feels. And just as Marri says, nature surrounds him. 

It's the same sensation as earlier. When they stopped and he felt this connection. Obi-Wan re-enters this state and finds the world around him melting away.

It's a strange fugue state, where he's aware that he is within in confines of his own mind yet he feels like he's entered an infinite world. The door is there. The locked one he tried to open but was unsuccessful in any leeway besides the whisper of the wind. 

This time, he knocks. 

There are footsteps behind the door and a light suddenly shines beneath the threshold. Obi-Wan steps back in alarm, grabbing at his side, but his lightsaber is no longer there. The shadows move and the person now stands directly in front of the other side of the door. He keeps his eyes on it as there is a creak, and the door swings open and light pours into Obi-Wan's face. He turns away, attempting to squint through the luminosity but only succeeds in straining his eyes. To his dismay, the light only grows brighter and he considers closing his eyes. 

But something nudges him to push through. It's enough to convince him to keep squinting and pushing toward the open door. 

"Obi-Wan," a deep voice rings out. A familiar one, though he can't place it. 

"Who's there?"

Finally, the light begins to dim, and he turns to find a man standing in the doorway. 

It's the tall man he saw in one of his memories. With the long hair and beard who teased him and called him _padawan._ Obi-Wan looks at him, and suddenly the name is provided to him. 

"Qui-Gon," his voice breaks and he shakes it off. "Master." 

Before him flashes a series of short memories. Standing back-to-back with Qui-Gon, lightsabers drawn in ready positions. Knowing glances at one another. Qui-Gon's hand on his shoulder and a proud look on his face. Young Obi-Wan with a short braid looking up at the tall man with a look of awe. Qui-Gon demonstrating a few moves with a practice saber. It fills Obi-Wan with this sensation of warmth and relief but confusingly-- loss. Obi-Wan wonders what his brain isn't telling him.

Qui-Gon smiles, his deep blue eyes twinkling. "I believe we have much to discuss." 

* * *

The ship pulls out of hyperspace and the lush green planet of Lubang Minor appears before them. Anakin is pretty sure Lubang is the exact opposite of Tatooine in terms of terrain. 

He looks at Ahsoka who is also staring at the planet in awe. She spent the last hour raddling off facts about the mysterious planet, but somehow Anakin still has no idea what he's walking into. The Force feels strange here. Not strange like Mortis, but just... 

"Do you feel it?" Ahsoka asks, staring up at him with apprehension in her eyes. 

He nods. "It's... abnormally strong here." 

"I still can't feel Master Obi-Wan, either." 

She's right. It's like everything is surrounded in static. According to Ventress, her ship that he stole was in ruins so he has no way off the planet. Ahsoka confirmed it's a reclusive neutral world that practically lives entirely off the grid. The people are loners and there are no organized cities, only small settlements. They live off the land and have no imports or exports. 

And apparently it's a weird wormhole in the Force, which is _convenient_.

They dip down into the atmosphere, immediately finding themselves in a massive rain cloud. The ship jumps and rattles against the wind, and Anakin tries his best to steer through the whiteout. 

"Can't you get on top of it, master?" 

"What have I told you about backseat flying, Snips?" 

"I'm just saying, we're basically flying blind." 

"I know what I'm doing, just--" through the static, there is a blip in the Force and Anakin stops, feeling the draw of the energy. As quickly as the feeling gets to his head he reacts, jerking the ship to the side much to the vocal dismay of his padawan. As it turns to the left another ship appears before them-- a massive supply ship by the looks of it. 

"I thought they don't do imports and exports," Ahsoka says. 

Anakin feels a chill up his spine and a coldness spread throughout him. Darkness pulls at him, and from the back of the ship comes a smaller single pilot-ship armed with ray guns. Suddenly the rescue mission on Lubang is turning into a firefight.

"They don't." 

* * *

Obi-Wan sits across from Qui-Gon. The man stares at him with great curiosity, examining him like an obscure artwork. 

"Your memory is injured, padawan." 

"I was in a crash." 

He looks apprehensive. 

"Crashes do damage, but mostly to the flesh. Not the mind." 

Obi-Wan rubs the bump on his head. "Then why do I have no memories? I only get these flashes-- these insignificant moments that hardly help me figure out how I got here." 

"How do you know if they are insignificant if you do not remember their context?" 

A fair point. 

"Well... They haven't quite told me much about the circumstances of why I am here. Many of them seem to be old." 

Qui-Gon smiles serenely. "Tell me about them." 

He describes the different scenes. The man welcoming him to a council. Cutting the padawan's hair. Ventress's torture and his reunion with Anakin. The room full of water. The crash itself. Qui-Gon and the duchess in the forest clearing. The short ones of him with Qui-Gon

Qui-Gon listens closely, nodding every so often. Even in succession, Obi-Wan sees no connection. The people and places differ drastically, with hardly any overlap. 

It makes no sense. There's no direction for him to go in. 

"Tell me, Obi-Wan. How do you feel in these moments?" 

Feel? 

He thinks back to them. The pride blossoming in his chest when he's being addressed as Master Kenobi. The ache in his cheeks from smiling when he's with Anakin. The serenity of the room of water. The giddiness with the girl in the clearing and the comradery between him and his master. 

"Happy," he whispers, the revelation making him feel like he's floating. "I felt happy." 

Of course, there's the torture and the crash. 

"And you discovered who Ventress is from the vision of your torture did you not? And you confirmed your crash in the other?" Qui-Gon recounts as if he's reading Obi-Wan's mind. 

Then again, he's likely just a figment of his mind anyways. A method of putting this all together. 

_Meditation can bring clarity._

"My mind is only allowing me to remember vital clues to why I'm here and... times I was happy?" he looks from his lap to Qui-Gon. "But why?" 

Obi-Wan can feel storm clouds brewing overhead and the wetness of raindrops against his cheek. The mental world he's created begins fading away-- Qui-Gon begins fading. He's running out of time. 

"Happy memories are easily accessible to us. It's the bad ones...The ones that bring us sadness and suffering that are pushed deeper." 

"But if I'm hiding away the bad memories, then... Most of my memory is _gone_ , master, what does that mean?" 

Qui-Gon's serenity turns to a slight sort of sadness. His body is practically translucent now as the trees and the mangled ship begin to come back into view. 

"Dig deep, padawan mine. But I warn you of what you may find." 

It's all gone. Qui-Gon. The world beyond the world and Obi-Wan brings himself back into focus to find Marri crouched in front of him with her hands on his shoulders and panic... panic in her eyes.

He immediately goes into alert. 

"Marri, what is it?" 

As soon as the question is asked he hears it. The sound of blasters firing and ships buzzing and twisting through the air. Obi-Wan looks up just as a ship speeds overhead, red beams firing out of the cannons. 

Around him, he feels not the calmness of nature, but chaos. A chill that he can feel in his bones and it isn't the downpour that has already drenched him to the skin. He pushes the hair that has slicked itself to his forehead back and jumps to his feet. 

Another memory comes to his mind. This one new. 

The sound of ships firing at one another, but this time amplified to a deafening degree. A horrible boom and then the sound of screaming. The sensation of falling. His stomach in his throat and his throat tied in knots as he white-knuckles the handle of the ship as it plummets toward the ground. 

The smell of copper. Fire. Stickiness on his fingers and warmth running down his cheek. Pins and needles shooting down his spine and an eerie numbness in his legs. And when he looks around there is a sea of men. Some trying to wriggle free from the gunship that seemed to basically collapse in on itself when it crashed.

Others lying still. 

When the memory fades he feels nauseous. Dizzy He steps back and retches, unable to stop it before emptying his stomach on the ground. Obi-Wan wipes his mouth on the back of his sleeve, thankful that the rain will wash it away quickly. He turns back to Marri who is turned the other way, obviously trying to ignore the moment he just had. 

"Someone is coming," she says, turning back to him. There is fear in her eyes. 

He feels it too. It's like a spot of darkness in a sea of light. And it's swallowing up the beauty of the nature around it in its wake. 

"Marri, you must go. You must run." 

She blinks, her eyes narrowing. "I won't!" 

"Whoever that is, isn't here for you! I promised your father--" 

"I'm sixteen, I can make choices for myself," she blurts out. Obi-Wan can feel the darkness growing closer and closer. He steps toward her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. 

"You can. I know that. But this is my fight. And you said it yourself. Your father can't track his way out of an open field. _He_ needs _you_."

Her anger fades and she brushes a soaking piece of hair out of her face, nodding in understanding. The look on her face-- the look determination triggers another memory. A happy one it feels like. 

A young woman with white markings on her face and blue and white lekku that has the same raw strength in her eyes as he sees in Marri. Even the quick memory of her brings a blossom of pride into his chest-- likely what Gil must feel when he looks at the woman his daughter has become.

"You must come to say goodbye, Kenobi." 

"Obi-Wan," he says. "My full name is Obi-Wan Kenobi. And I will, Marri." 

She smiles and backs up, closing her eyes for a moment and then opening them and orienting her body toward the back of the crash site. With a final nod, she starts into a jog and then a run, disappearing into the tree line. 

Obi-Wan sighs. He truly hopes he can fulfill his promise to bid a final goodbye to Gil and Marri. They deserve his fullest gratitudes. 

For now, there is darkness lurking nearby. He unclips his saber from his belt, holding it in his hand as he closes his eyes, reaching out into the energy of the forest. The darkness feels... close. But not just close distance-wise. Like he's felt it before. 

Though he's hesitant to take the step, he does. _Dig deep, padawan mine_. 

A red barrier buzzes in front of him. Through the translucent ray shield, he can see two people fighting-- Qui-Gon and a man with horns and red and black tattoos covering his face. Qui-Gon wields a green saber while the other has a double-bladed red one. Obi-Wan finds he can't stand still as he bounces from foot to foot, his saber ignited in his hand. 

He watches the blurs of red and green with nervous anticipation. 

Then there is a thud. The hiss of a saber. And a gasp. 

Everything around Obi-Wan seems to scream, and his voice cries out in a pained voice "NOO!" 

Qui-Gon crumbles to the ground. The ray shield drops. And Obi-Wan sees red. 

"Kenobi." A deep, raspy voice echoes through the air. Obi-Wan shakes away the memory and before him stands the same man with the red and black tattoos, but time has taken its toll. From the hips down he's made of metal, but by the way he staggers forward Obi-Wan is led to believe it's a new development. "I have been waiting for you." 

"I'm not sure I've made your acquaintance." 

"I am surprised you could have forgotten me soo easily. After I killed your master and you left me for dead on Naboo."

The second part of the memory. Flashes of blue saber versus his red. Falling down the shaft. But then regaining his position and using his master's saber to... 

"It is you." 

The sickening image of the man that now stands before him falling down the abyss in two pieces-- split at the waist-- goes through his mind. How in blazes did he _survive_? 

"You have forgotten me, but I will never forget you! You cannot imagine the depths I would go to stay alive. Fueled by my singular hatred for you."

He can feel the hatred radiating off the man as he pulls his saber out, igniting the red blade. Obi-Wan ignites his own saber, feeling the energy pulsating through him.

"That may be so, but I've defeated you before, and I can defeat you again." 

The man chuckles, a sinister look on his face. "Don't be so certain." 

He yells out and leaps forward-- much like Ventress did, with an inhuman height and distance. 

Red saber clashes with blue saber and by their illumination Obi-Wan can see the feral look in his yellow bloodshot eyes. The rain continues to pour down atop them as they are locked in the stalemate position. It's a test of strength. Of skill, Obi-Wan has only muscle memory for. While his fight with Ventress felt muted and more out of annoyance than anger the energy between him and this man is just... unhinged. 

He can feel the whirring of the saber near his chin. He needs to focus. He needs to center himself. Rely on his training. 

Obi-Wan takes a deep breath and the energy from his unknown reserve rushes into him once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the dialogue is borrowed from the season 4 finale of TCW "Revenge" because I love a good tie in. And can you guess which battle is being described in Obi-Wan's memory? 
> 
> This has been fun to write so far, especially with all the flashbacks and different POVs! I'm still not completely sure of where I'm going to take things since I like to live on the wild side and not plan or outline my plots, so if you have any characters you'd like to see more of feel free to suggest in the comments :)


	5. Found

The ship maneuvers through the clouds, the rear cannons firing like crazy at the attacking fighter. Anakin grits his teeth, doing another complex run to try and give Ahsoka a better angle. The lack of visibility that the storm has caused is not doing them any favors and despite the forest below, the planet is fairly flat. There is nowhere to go but back into space or down into the forest, and Anakin has a feeling that the foliage is far too thick for even him to maneuver. 

"Come on, Ahsoka hit him!" he huffs, rolling back into another attack formation. The small fighter is quick and currently winning this dogfight. 

"I don't see _you_ hitting him either." her voice crackles through the comm, followed by the rapid succession of her firing. 

"What do you want me to do, my guns are on the front." 

"I don't know, _get behind him,"_

"Very funny." 

It's been a while since Anakin has had to engage in a small scale fight like this, but that doesn't mean he's rusty. He scans over the hazy horizon and thankfully spots a patch of trees rising up a little higher than the rest. It'll do. 

He punches the acceleration, dodging the shots from the fighter as he speeds toward the tree-covered mountain. The fighter weaves back and forth, starting to fall back just as Anakin anticipated. As they twist around the side of the mountain, he puts trees between them and the fighter. 

"Strap in, Snips, this is gonna be rough." 

"What's going to be--oh!" 

He pulls a hard turn, shutting off the thrusters for a moment to allow the ship to rotate naturally. The sky comes into view, the heavy rain pounding onto the windshield. 

The fighter comes around the corner but now, it's right above them. Anakin turns the engine back on and accelerates toward it, firing heavily with the forward cannons. He can hear Ahsoka cheering over the comm, making a small smile appear on his lips. One of the shots hit and the enemy ship jolts. 

"Its shields are down, Master. You took out its defenses!" 

"Let's finish this." 

They chase the fighter, now dominant in this air fight. The turn of the tides is obvious as the fighter curves up back into the clouds. Anakin can see the blur of it beelining back toward the cargo ship it originated from. 

But suddenly it turns. It shoots upward higher into the sky like it's leaving the planet. 

"That fighter doesn't have a hyperdrive. Where does he think he's going?" Ahsoka questions as the ship presses into the upper atmosphere. 

Anakin wants to chase it down and destroy it but Ahsoka's observation stops him. Why _is_ it suddenly going this direction? It takes him a split second of thinking about it to realize the play.

He can feel the pull of the Force telling him to return. The distant feeling of a familiar Force-signature-- YES! He pulls away from the pursuit heading back down toward the surface of Lubang. 

"Where are we going, Master?" 

"It's a diversion. Whoever's flying is trying to draw us away from Obi-Wan." 

It's like someone flipped a switch. One minute Anakin felt nothing through the Force and the next his Force-signature is like a beacon. Anakin follows it, guiding the ship away from the mountain and toward an area where the rain is coming down especially hard. Ahsoka comes up from the gun tower glancing out the window with mild concern at the crackling lightning illuminating the sky

"How are you going to land here, Master? These trees are thick." 

Anakin pulls a few levers and the ship slows to a stop. "I'm not." 

"Master?" 

"I'm going down there and you're going to be my air support."

"But--"

"Ahsoka," he interrupted, looking at her with his most serious expression. "I need you here. I'll get Obi-Wan." 

He stands, putting his hand on Ahsoka's shoulder and squeezing it slightly before going to the back of the ship and opening the hatch. The ship is idle just above the treeline and Anakin can feel that his master is close. Without looking back at his padawan he steps forward, jumping off the edge of the ship into the open air.

* * *

Lightsabers hiss against one another as Obi-Wan blocks yet another one of his opponent's relentless assaults. 

_This is what hate looks like,_ he thinks. _And it will be the death of me_. 

All he's been doing is blocking. It seems to be what his body naturally wants to do and he complies with whatever is driving him to not get impaled on the blade of the tattooed man's lightsaber. 

It isn't enough though. This man wants him dead, that so much is true. He fights with a fire in his eyes that is well kindled from years of developing hatred. He won't just stop. Not without blood. Obi-Wan wishes he could remember his training. Obviously he's had much of it, but his energy is dwindling and his movements are becoming sloppy. 

"So you kill me. Then what?" 

"What?" The man glares at him as Obi-Wan does a twist to block two of his rapid strikes. 

"You'll have your revenge. What next? I do hope you didn't spend all your time on your own fantasizing about my demise." 

He hesitates, a flash of something in his eyes. 

"I won't stand here and divulge my plans to _you_ , Kenobi." 

"I suppose I'm just curious. Obviously my interference was a bit of a setback to you. You can't have the potential of me cutting you in half _again."_

His nostrils flare. "You'll never get the chance." 

Obi-Wan leaps back, finding he also has the ability to leap long distances. Good to know. The man comes running at him with impressive speed.

"Though I suppose I should make sure to aim for the neck this time." 

The assaults are even quicker. Obi-Wan can feel the perspiration dripping down his back and face. His words are mighty but in actuality, he can feel the tides turning in the favor of his opponent. The man spins kicking out with his prosthetic leg, and Obi-Wan feels a sharp pain in his chest and he's thrown backward, slamming sideways into a tree. He gasps for breath, pulling himself up to a sitting position. His saber was thrown somewhere out of reach, and his vision is blurred... and possibly doubled by the sight of two red men stalking toward him. He tries to shake off the feeling but his adrenaline is dying off. 

"Or maybe I will be the one to separate your head from its body." he seethes, only a few feet away now. He raises his saber and as he begins to swing downward, Obi-Wan closes his eyes, raising his arms up as if flesh and bone will do anything against a lightsaber. 

But the pain doesn't come.

* * *

Anakin jumps down from branch to branch, using the Force to allow him to drop great distances and land softly without breaking them. As he grows closer to the ground he can hear the tell-tale sound of a lightsaber battle. His pulse quickens as he drops onto the forest floor turning around to try and find where it's coming from. 

The forest is messing with him and the rain isn't helping. It bounces the noise off in every direction. _Blast it_ , he curses to himself. _I could use a little help, Master_.

Suddenly there's a sharp jab in the center of his back and Anakin has to step forward to stop himself from falling over. In the process, he grabs his saber and whirls around, severing the end of a stick. 

Holding the stick is a wide-eyed girl. She can't be older than Ahsoka. She's shaking too, though he can't tell if it's from fear or the cold of being soaking wet. How she managed to sneak up on him without him sensing her is completely beyond him.

"Who are you?" he asks, keeping his saber out and pointed at her. She drops the stick and raises her hands in surrender. 

"Are you here to hurt him, too?" 

"Here to-- who are you talking about?" 

She looks Anakin up and down, eyeing his lightsaber. "The other one wore dark robes too. But his sword was red." 

Anakin blinks and then lowers his weapon. "You know Obi-Wan?" Her face flashes with recognition. She nods. "My name is Anakin. I'm his padawan. I'm here to help him." 

"Padawan," she repeats. "He mentioned you. You're in one of the memories he still has." 

_He still has_. Anakin feels a pang in his chest. So Ventress was correct. Something is wrong with Obi-Wan's memory. 

"Yes, and I need to find him. Do you know where he is?" 

The girl's face darkens. Not the reaction Anakin had hoped for. "The red horned man found him. He told me to run." she points to the direction directly behind Anakin. 

"Thank you," he says sincerely, deactivating his saber and taking off into a sprint through the woods. Now in the right direction, he can feel the Force nudging him forward. Telling him to hurry. Anakin pushes his legs faster. 

The fighting grows louder and he can hear the sound of speaking. A low, raspy voice followed by one with a familiar Core accent. He doesn't need to hear what he's actually saying to sense the sarcasm dripping from his tone. Obi-Wan. Anakin skids to a stop just outside the clearing, taking in the scene.

A ship in a mangled heap on one side. On the other, Obi-Wan and Maul engaging in battle. 

Obi-Wan is making desperate blocks against Maul's frenzy of strikes. He needs help. As Anakin breaks out into another sprint Maul does a spinning roundhouse kick and slams his foot into Obi-Wan's chest, sending him flying through the air like a rag doll in one direction and making his saber go in another. Seemingly blinded by his fury, Maul wipes the rain out of his eyes and starts toward Anakin's fallen master, unaware of his presence. Maul's red saber raises and anger flashes through Anakin. 

_No. Not now. Not here. Not by_ _Maul_. He leaps forward, igniting his lightsaber. As Maul swings in an arc toward Obi-Wan's neck, Anakin jumps between them, stopping it with his own blade. 

"Skywalker?" Maul's eyes go wide and then they narrow once again. "I must say, I didn't expect to be meeting you _this_ soon."

"Maul. I see you have some trouble staying dead." 

He rolls his eyes, going onto the defense and backing up as Anakin presses forward with his own attack. 

"I'm surprised the Jedi let a brat like you stick around. It's not like them to take on charity cases." 

"I'm afraid they only accept the best. Must be why you didn't make the cut." 

Maul chuckles, letting a sinister smile come over his face. He suddenly backflips away from Anakin, putting distance between them. "I never wanted to be a Jedi. The true power is in the dark side, Skywalker. One day you will realize this." 

"Only cowards go to the dark side." 

"Then for your sake, I do hope you are not a coward. I _will_ see you again, Skywalker." 

Before Anakin can answer, the Zabrak turns and leaps up into the tree line. Anakin winds up to follow but he remembers the crumpled form of his master and he stops. Maul disappears and Anakin turns off his saber and runs to Obi-Wan. 

He looks... terrible. Bruises all over his face and arms. He seems to have lost his outer robes and cloak at some point, only dressed in his tunic, belt, and pants. His hair is a soggy mess and dried blood resides in his beard. 

Worst of all, when he looks at Anakin, he doesn't react. No recognition. No emotion. He just stares at him. 

Anakin kneels down by his side, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Master. Obi-Wan, are you okay?" 

"Master?..." he whispers before looking up at him, eyebrows knit together. "Anakin?" 

_So he knows who I am at least. That's a start._

"Yes, Anakin. We can figure everything out later, but we need to go before Maul comes back." 

"Maul..." Obi-Wan echoes, staring off into the distance where the zabrak disappeared. A glossiness falls over his eyes and Anakin shakes his shoulder. 

"Not the time, Master, Ahsoka's got the ship running." Anakin pulls the dazed Jedi master to his feet, looping his arm under Obi-Wan's and behind his back. He starts to guide him back in the direction he came when Obi-Wan suddenly stops, digging his heels into the ground. 

"I must check on Marri and Gil. Maul could be going after them." 

"Who?"

"They helped me."

"But it's raining! And we can just fly to where they are."

Obi-Wan doesn't reply, untangling himself from Anakin. He starts walking quickly back into the forest. Anakin huffs in frustration, holding his commlink up to his mouth as he follows closely behind his master. 

"Ahsoka come in." 

"Master? Did you find him?" 

"Yes, but he's being a pain. Says he has to check on someone. Track my signal but stay off course of it until I tell you we're ready to be extracted." 

"Yes, Master." 

"Has that fighter come back?" 

"Not yet." 

"If you even see it, tell me. I'll _make_ Obi-Wan come and we'll get out of here." 

There's a pause.

"Is he..." 

"He knew who I was, Snips."

"Oh. Okay good. I'll stand by." 

He can hear the relief in her voice. It makes him feel bad for not telling her the whole truth, but they can argue about that once Obi-Wan is safe on the ship. 

Anakin puts his commlink away and jogs to catch up with Obi-Wan, who is moving quite quickly for as broken as he looks. When he comes alongside his long-lost master, Obi-Wan just glances at him. 

"You're older than I thought," is all he says. 

"Must have been an old memory. What was it?" 

"One where I was giving you a haircut. You were blonde, though." 

Without the suns on Tatooine to bleach Anakin's hair, he hasn't had golden locks since he was very young. 

"That was a long time ago. Over ten years." 

"The other was when you found me after Ventress... did her bidding." 

It all flashes through his head. Jabiim. The battle. All the Jedi lost. Having to leave under the orders of the Chancellor. Ki-Adi Mundi explaining how he would take over his padawan training because of Knight Kenobi's passing. Anakin not really listening to that whole speech. 

He knew Obi-Wan was still out there. Alive. Nobody wanted to believe him.

And then they found out he'd been tortured. Beaten. Fed maggots to try and kill him from the inside out. Somehow he'd survived. 

Obi-Wan is good about that. 

Anakin can still remember how it felt to hug him the first time they were reunited. He could feel the disapproving stares of other Masters at how long he embraced the man, but he didn't care. Obi-Wan also didn't seem to mind, placing a hand on the back of the teenage Anakin's head as he buried his face in his master's shoulder. Obi-Wan never was one to express affection physically, so him returning the hug with such gusto was a little surprising. A welcome one. 

And when they pulled away Anakin remembers the look of relief in Obi-Wan's eyes. The happiness. A glimpse at the Obi-Wan Kenobi that hides beneath his perfect Jedi Knight shell. 

"That first one seems, uh... random," he says, not wanting to talk about the second memory at the moment. "Is that... all you remember?"

Obi-Wan looks at him from the corner of his eye. "About you, yes." 

For some reason, that cuts deep into Anakin. He's not sure what he expected when Ventress told them Obi-Wan's memory was weird. He didn't expect the only things for his master of over ten years to remember about him to be a haircut and a post-torture reunion. Hell, both occurred _years_ ago too. 

"Nothing more recent?" 

"I'm told there's a war going on?" 

_I'm told_? 

"Master, do you not remember the war? The clones? The Separatists? _Any_ of it?" 

He looks at the ground with unexpected grief and shakes his head. 

All those battles. The planets they've been to. The missions they've been on. Christophsis. Geonosis. Ryloth. It's all just... gone from his mind? 

"I think you'll find there is not much I _do_ remember. In fact, the only memories that are returning are... well." He suddenly stops. Anakin also pauses, looking at Obi-Wan patiently. Various emotions cross the man's face. More than Anakin has ever seen him display willingly at one time. Uneasiness, anxiety, and a bit of fear mix with a general vulnerability. How must it feel to live with a blank slate? "I take it you know me well?"

"I probably know you better than anyone else,"

"Well...Was I... was I happy, Anakin?" 

Anakin stares at him a moment, not expecting _that_ to be his question.

"What? What kind of question is that?" 

Obi-Wan swallows hard, sighing. "In your opinion did I have a lot of moments where I seemed to be happy?" 

"I don't understand. I mean, probably." He looks at him with concern. "Why are you asking this?" 

"It's... difficult to explain."

"Try me." 

Obi-Wan stares at him for a moment. 

"It seems the only memories that are returning... the only ones my mind is allowing to return are ones where I'm happy," he looks away, crossing his arms. "And there's not many of them. That's why... I just wanted to..."

"You want to know if you're just remembering slowly or... Obi-Wan, you're a Jedi Master. A High General _and_ a council member! You raised me-- pretty successfully I might add-- and you're helping me train Ahsoka. You're respected and have good friends in numerous systems. Your life is pretty impressive." 

He takes in the information with a neutral face, nodding slightly. Finally, he looks back up at Anakin with palpable sadness in his eyes. 

"But was I _happy_?" 

Anakin opens his mouth and then closes it. Honestly, he doesn't know. 

He thinks about the way Obi-Wan has changed since he's known him. The grief he had in the infancy of their partnership as master and padawan over the death of Qui-Gon. He released those feelings to the Force-- so he said-- but Anakin could always tell he still thinks about it. While he was a padawan, Obi-Wan took his job as master seriously. He went by the books and was often strict

Was he happy though?

Anakin thought so. They had fun missions. Others were difficult but it brought them together. Their bond grew and the older Anakin got the more he felt like Obi-Wan was not just his master but his friend. That only strengthened after the war began and Anakin was knighted. He could see the shift in Obi-Wan as he started considering him as a fellow knight instead of a student. It was a turning point in their relationship. They're an infamous duo throughout the galaxy. Their soldiers are among the best in the GAR and their success rate only goes up when they work together. 

_But is he happy?_

He thinks about the times he caught Obi-Wan when he thought nobody was watching him. The way he lets his exhaustion take root for a few seconds and his face falls. How excited he feels with he sees Obi-Wan actually smiling without even realizing why a smile warrants such a reaction. 

He thinks about who the Jedi used to be. The peacekeepers of the galaxy. That was the Order Obi-Wan was brought up in. That was the vision he had for himself. Not being a soldier. 

Anakin looks at his master now, beaten and confused, and asking why so much is missing from his life. Can the moments that made him truly happy really be so little? 

Why hadn't he noticed his master's discontent sooner? 

"I... I don't think I can answer that, Master." 

"I know. It was an unfair question." 

"I wish I did have an answer." 

He smiles, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I appreciate that." 

They start walking again, this time in silence. The rain has slowed to a slight drizzle thankfully. Obi-Wan leads him through the forest, somehow knowing the way. As they walk, more and more questions pile into Anakin's head. 

_Patience. Wait until we're back on the ship and not possibly being hunted by an unhinged former Sith with a revenge fantasy._

* * *

Relief floods Obi-Wan when he sees Marri and Gil's home come into sight. Besides the boarded up roofing, it's still intact and he can see them sitting in the living room through the window. Marri is staring out the window while Gil reads a book. She sees them come out of the forest and her face lights up. 

The father and daughter come out of the house, Marri running and Gil trailing behind her in a hurried walk. He too looks relieved. 

"Obi-Wan!" Marri grins, throwing her arms around him when she reaches him. He is surprised by the embrace but he returns it. He can feel Anakin staring at him. "You survived." 

"I did, young one, but all in thanks to Anakin, here." he smiles at the young man who is standing awkwardly beside him.

"Then I'm glad I didn't take him out with a stick." 

Anakin chuckles, his tenseness fading slightly. "I wouldn't have given you the chance." 

"You've met?" Obi-Wan looks between them. 

"Briefly," Anakin replies. "She helped me find you." 

He beams at Marri. "So you still found a way to help me. I am grateful for that and that you're here safe." 

"Is the one after you dead now?" Gil asks. 

Both Anakin and Obi-Wan shake their heads simultaneously. "Unfortunately he got away." Anakin says. "But I believe he will be leaving soon and won't remain on Lubang. There isn't anything here for him." 

"He? I thought it was a woman?" 

"Oh, that was Ventress," Obi-Wan says.

"She's holed up in a hospital on Telos. This attacker was Maul. He's... another story." 

Gil shakes his head disapprovingly. "You seem to attract trouble, son."

"You have no idea," Anakin says, rolling his eye. Obi-Wan wonders what he means by that. He's sure he will find out once he and Anakin get to talk. 

"Well, if you would like to stay for--" Gil is interrupted by a beeping sound coming from Anakin. He looks down at his wrist and excuses himself, walking to the far side of the clearing. "Dinner." 

Obi-Wan looks over at Anakin and can sense a bit of anxiety spike in him. He shakes his head. "We probably should be going. Especially with Maul still, out there I'd much rather lead him away from you." 

Gil seems pleased with that answer but Marri frowns. 

"But you're like me, Obi-Wan. You belong here, on Lubang." 

"Unfortunately, whether I remember or not, I have a life and responsibilities elsewhere that I must figure out."

"You could start over. You can teach me how you fight like that and I can show you more about the forest." 

"Marri, do you feel the same energy in Anakin?" 

She stops and looks over at the young man who has finally turned around and is walking quickly back to the ground. 

"He's strong in it, actually. Really strong." 

"And so were the two people I fought. I have an inkling that this gift is not just something you can find on Lubang, but throughout the galaxy." Her eyes grow wide. "How about this: when I regain my memories, I will return and explain what I know to you."

Her awe turns into a smile and she nods. "I would like that."

At that moment, Anakin returns with a serious look on his face. 

"Master, the enemy fighter is back. We need to rendevous with Ahsoka. Now." 

"Yes, Anakin, I was just bidding my goodbyes."

He says his final words to Gil and Marri and then follows Anakin into the edge of the trees. He leaps up onto one of the branches, just as Ventress did during her getaway, and looks down at him. 

"You coming?"

Obi-Wan did the large leap once during the battle. Following his instincts, he allows that strange feeling to surround him once more and he jumps. He can hear the surprise come from Gil and Marri, still watching from their doorstep. Obi-Wan lands on a branch just below Anakin. 

"This ability has a name, doesn't it?" Obi-Wan asks. Anakin's eyebrows knit together in concern. 

"You mean the Force, Master?" 

_The Force_. 

"Yes... right." 

Anakin's gaze on him lingers for a few moments like he wants to say something but then he turns and leaps to the next level.

A conversation for later.


	6. Reunion

Ahsoka hovers the ship just above the treeline where Anakin's tracking beacon was originating from. She keeps her head constantly on a swivel for the fighter they encountered earlier. Based on the damage her master's shot managed to do, she's fairly certain they won't try and engage. 

She drums her fingers on her knee impatiently. Ever since Anakin found Master Obi-Wan she's been itching to see him. Despite Anakin assuring her Obi-Wan knew who he was, she is still worried about what he _didn't_ say. He didn't tell her he has his memories, or that he even _remembered_ Anakin, just that he knew who he was. She knows he worded it specifically to not worry her, which only worries her more. She can feel his anxiety-- when he gets tired he tends to project through their training bond more. The closer he gets, the more she can sense it. He's nervous, upset, and a little hurt. Not the emotions she expected to feel from him finding his lost master. 

The ship dips slightly, and Ahsoka hears voices in the cargo hold. 

"Close it up, Snips." Anakin's voice rings out. She presses the button to close the hold and takes off toward the orbiting hyperspace ring. She can hardly contain her excitement when Anakin walks in, his robes soaking wet and his face weary. 

Obi-Wan doesn't follow. 

"Where is--"

"He's still in cargo. I told him to wait there." 

"But--"

"Padawan," Anakin says. He only really calls her that when he's joking around or serious. She suspects the latter. "Listen. His memories are... limited. He hardly recognized me, and I don't know who he _does_ remember." 

"You're saying he... Master Obi-Wan might not..." Ahsoka stands suddenly, abandoning the controls and sending the ship lurching to the side. 

"Ahsoka!" Anakin cries, jumping forward to grab the steering while she ducks around him and runs out of the cockpit. When she reaches the cargo hold, Obi-Wan is sitting on the ground, seemingly stunned, like he toppled over. He looks up at her with wide eyes. 

"Hello there," he says, pulling himself to his feet. Ahsoka approaches him slowly. She feels the ship clatter against something and she knows they're locking into the hyperspace ring. She doesn't have much time before Skyguy makes an appearance and chews her out for her stunt. When she's about an arm's length from him she stops. He too is still dripping wet, his hair falling down over his forehead. He's covered in scratches and bruises of various shades, but he's smiling softly and looks surprisingly relaxed. Ahsoka isn't sure she's seen him without tension in his shoulders and brow since she's known him. 

She wants to hug him but she holds herself back.

"Hi, Master Kenobi. How... are you?" 

He cocks his head to the left slightly, shrugging. "As good as I can be, I suppose. Maul's foot packed quite a punch so I'm a tad sore." he chuckles. 

Obi-Wan Kenobi admitting he's been hurt? Interesting.

"Do you recognize me?" she asks, tired of trying to deduce the answer to her worries. 

"I do, Ahsoka," he says, and relief runs through Ahsoka. "I met a girl down on Lubang who sparked your memory. She's very strong and determined and I take it you are too." His face falls into grim embarrassment."Though I must be honest, I did not know your name until Anakin mentioned it." 

"I suppose I'll take what I can get," Ahsoka says weakly. "What else do you remember, Master?"

"That's what I'd like to know, too," Anakin says, walking into the room. He throws a quick glare of disapproval at Ahsoka before standing next to her.

Obi-Wan looks between them, his smile fading. "Well, I can assure you it's a shorter list than you probably are hoping for." 

* * *

They sit in the cockpit, Anakin and Ahsoka in the pilot and co-pilot chairs turned around and Obi-Wan in one of the passenger chairs. Anakin examines him closely as they get settled. He's limping on the right leg. He doesn't remember that when they were on Lubang, but adrenaline is a powerful thing. From the various colors of bruising on his face and the state of his knuckles, it's obvious he's been beaten in his time away. More than once. Bloodstains cover his tunic and pants, but he doesn't seem to take notice of it. 

It's unlike him. Obi-Wan is usually itching to get to his quarters to wash off and change clothes. He hates looking unpresentable if he can help it, but by the utter rat's nest his hair has become, Anakin has a feeling his propensity for cleanliness has disappeared along with his memories. 

Obi-Wan starts to explain the random jumble of things he's seen. Some from his padawan days, some from before the war, and very few from recently. And unfortunately, Anakin notices what he means about the memories being happy. They're random, sure, but Obi-Wan is practically projecting the feeling of each through the Force as he speaks and the warmth and happiness that is radiating off of him is not something Anakin has ever felt coming from his master like this before. Anakin attributes this to Obi-Wan's faulty shielding. Since he seems to have forgotten much about the Force and his training, his shields have become weak. 

When he stops talking, Anakin can tell Ahsoka is starting to freak out a little bit. He intended to tell her about Obi-Wan's deficiencies _before_ she saw him, but if his padawan has yet to learn the difference between acting _before_ hearing orders and hearing orders and using them as a rough guideline.

"That's... all?" she says, staring at the Jedi Master. Obi-Wan's face falls slightly. 

"I'm afraid so."

"So what is in between? Just... nothing?"

"Ahsoka!" 

"No, it's okay," Obi-Wan says, holding a hand up to calm Anakin. "Even I can recognize this is not exactly a _normal_ thing to confront." He looks at Ahsoka, his expression gentle and understanding. Anakin can feel her anxiety ease just a little bit. Obi-Wan has always had that effect when teaching. "Honestly, it's quite strange. I suppose you could equate it to trying to think of a word for something but being unable to remember it. It's on the tip of your tongue, but for some reason when you try to think about it harder your mind only gets more blank." 

_He's being too calm_ , Anakin thinks as he watches his master try to explain. Based on his story of waking up just a few days ago, confronting Ventress, finding her ship, and confronting Maul, there is just too much going on. Anakin realizes he hasn't stopped to process any of this yet.

Whether Obi-Wan remembers it or not, Anakin knows the way his master works. He runs until his body literally gives out on him. After losing Qui-Gon he dove right into Anakin's training. Obi-Wan was always up well before him prepping for his lessons and stayed up much later grading and preparing for the next day. His idea of a break was sparring with the other knights and he only stopped to eat when Anakin reminded him and physically put a plate in front of him. Obi-Wan operated like this until one day Anakin woke up to find he was alone in their quarters. He searched all over the Temple and Obi-Wan was nowhere to be found. Anakin had started to panic and was considering going to the council when he decided to check the archives as a last-ditch effort. 

There was Obi-Wan, tucked away in a corner of the archives. He had fallen asleep with his head down on the desk, his boots half-kicked off under the table, and a blanket Master Nu appeared to have thrown over him. 

Anakin remembers nudging his shoulder to wake him up and him jolting awake whispering " _Maul_!" before realizing it was only his padawan standing before him. He apologized for allowing time to get away from him and started to pack up his things. 

The puffiness around his eyes, the tear-stains on the flimsy, and the wad of tissues he had stuffed in his cloak pocket did not escape his keen eye. Master Obi-Wan had run until he broke. 

Quite frankly, that's not the cycle Anakin wants to watch his master go through. Not like this. 

"We're only a few hours from _The Negotiator_ , Master. You should get some rest." Anakin says, ignoring the look Ahsoka shoots him. 

Obi-Wan reaches up and strokes his beard. "Yes, I am quite exhausted. If you show me where the bunks are I'd quite like that." 

Anakin tries to ignore the fact Obi-Wan Kenobi willingly is going to sleep when told and leads him out of the cockpit and down the hall. He grabs a set of his own robes and hands them to him.

"Here, these might be a little big, but you look like you could use some clean clothes. And you can sleep here until we get there." 

Obi-Wan smiles, taking the robes. "Thank you, Anakin." 

Now in the dim room, the exhaustion is ever-present on his face. He can feel the weariness spilling through the Force as his facade is already beginning to break. 

"Are you sure you're okay, Master? You seem..."

"I'm tired," he says, stepping toward the corner and pulling off his tunic and slipping on Anakin's dry one. Without his shirt, the gruesome rainbow of bruises that litter his entire abdomen are on full display. Anakin looks away, a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach at the sight of Obi-Wan's chest and back being more bruise than unmarked skin. "And honestly, a bit... freaked out." When he's slipped on the pants he turns back to Anakin, a frown spread across his face and his eyes glossy. "And frustrated. That feeling I was talking to Ahsoka about. It's like everything is there I just can't reach it. Some things I can remember with a little nudge and other things... well I'm not sure _why_ they get triggered. Hell, I don't know why any of this is happening."

Anakin doesn't tell him he knows some of the events leading up to whatever happened. The council and Master Che were very particular about ensuring he was under care when that was revealed. "The medics can figure it out."

"And if they can't?" 

"If they can't, the temple has the best healers in the galaxy. They will figure out where your memories have gone. I _promise_ you." 

He finishes getting dressed and gives him a weak smile. Anakin mirrors this, both to smile back and at the sight of Obi-Wan wearing his dark brown and black robes.

"We're getting you back into your normal robes as soon as we get on board." 

He looks down at his new attire.

"Something wrong with these?" 

"It just... isn't you," he holds back a laugh, which turns into a muffled chuckle. Apart from the slight bagginess and the pant legs that bunch at his ankles, the dark colors look jarring on him. Padmé always told him that black is universally flattering, but for some reason the black and dark brown just make him look out of sorts. "The men are going to want holos."

"These seem like perfectly fine clothes, I don't understand." 

Anakin chuckles. "If only you could remember how much trouble you gave me when I started wearing those." 

"Are we really starting with memory jokes _already?_ "

"What, too soon?" 

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes. "Quite." 

* * *

Cody stands at the main hanger of _The Negotiator_ with his arms crossed over his chest. Kix of the 501st along with a medic team stands nearby. General Skywalker had requested their presence upon their arrival. 

"When is their ETA, _vod?"_ Rex says as he approaches from behind. Cody glances at his time-keeper. 

"Any minute."

"Word on the General's condition?" 

"Not yet." Cody is thankful his voice modulator manages to mask the slip of emotion in his voice. The chatter's been quiet ever since General Skywalker and Commander Tano left on their mission. He only received location updates and all-clear signals. No details. The not knowing what's going on has been driving Cody nuts.

He sees Rex glance at the medical team. He knows the captain can put two and two together. 

"You know Skywalker would have flown him back to Coruscant himself if something were really wrong." 

Rex is right. They've both come to learn the nuances of the Jedi in their time together. 

"I appreciate it, Rex."

Cody feels a firm hand rest on his shoulder through his armor. Beneath his bucket, he manages a small smile. Usually, Cody likes to walk around the ship without his helmet. It's not needed unless in battle or using it for communication anyways. But ever since General Skywalker showed up looking for his master, Cody has felt more secure with it on. He prefers his worries to be left in private. 

Above, the hanger doors begin to open. The medic team perks up as Kix starts giving them their orders. Skywalker's ship drops down into the hanger and Cody's eyes immediately go to the blaster marks littering the surface of the ship. Other than the sure-signs that Skywalker seemed to find trouble, the ship is at least in one piece.

"Honestly, I'm surprised it's not on fire," Rex chuckles, echoing Cody's exact thoughts. 

"That's a first, for sure." 

The ship lands and the commander and captain stand at the end of the opening cargo ramp. Out first is Ahsoka. 

"Commander Tano," Rex says, an edge in his voice that alarms Cody slightly. 

"Hi, Rex. Cody," she replies, her usually smiling face grim which only makes Cody's stomach flutter with nervous anticipation.

"Where are the--"

Rex trails off as the uneven gait of Kenobi walking down the ramp with the aid of Skywalker interrupts his inquiry. Cody looks up and has to bite his tongue to stop himself from gasping. 

Skywalker looks relatively untouched, but he has the same look in his eyes that Rex must have also seen in Commander Tano-- uncertainty. A rare thing to see in the expression of the Jedi. Frightening even. 

General Kenobi on the other hand... 

First of all, he hardly recognizes the man. From Skywalker's Jedi robes to the overall disheveled appearance of his overgrown hair and beard, he wouldn't have been able to point him out on the street. As they grow closer his horror only increases. He's been beaten, and by the looks of his hollowed cheeks, he hasn't eaten much lately. If Skywalker's oversized clothes would have made the shorter Jedi look small already, his lost weight only dramatizes the look. 

Skywalker and Kenobi are unsurprisingly bickering. 

"...get myself down the--"

"You can hardly walk, Master!" 

"I can surely make it a few--"

"Your hip is--"

"My hip is quite al--"

"I'm going to take you to that stretcher and Kix will--"

"Are you always this _annoying_."

"Yes, Master, as a matter of fact--"

Cody and Rex watch as Skywalker helps the general sit on the stretcher. He's surprised they convinced him to do even that. General Kenobi is notorious for denying any and all medical attention. Skywalker joins Tano a few meters away, speaking to her in a hushed tone. Kix immediately starts attaching wires and monitors and starting up the hover bed. Kenobi watches wide-eyed at the sudden attention until he looks up, making eye contact with Cody. 

"General, good to see you," Cody says, saluting and expecting some sort of snide remark about formalities at a time like this. Or at least for him to say a meek "at ease, commander" while he attempts to hide his embarrassment at being fussed over. 

Neither occurs. Instead, the general just stares back at him, his gaze glossy and faraway. 

"General?" Rex says, staring at him curiously. Kenobi's blue eyes lazily shift to Rex, still blank, like he isn't quite processing what's going on around him. Concern sweeps through the clone commander as Kix starts asking his battery of mental state questions.

"General, can you tell me your full name?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi," he says without looking at Kix.

"Your planet of origin?"

Kenobi blinks. He doesn't reply. 

"Or date of birth, sir?" 

Silence. He just stares forward. 

"Sir?" Kix repeats, looking up from his datapad. 

Skywalker suddenly looks up from his private conversation with the commander, looking aggravated. "Kix! Don't do this here, take General Kenobi to the med bay." 

Kix complies, quickly setting the datapad down and ordering the others in his team to get moving. Within moments, the general is carted away without so much a word of discontent. The other Jedi follow close behind.

It takes a moment of silence before Rex finally speaks up, removing his bucket before looking at Cody with visible concern. "That was..."

Cody slips his own helmet off, tucking it under his arm and staring at the hallway Kenobi disappeared into. "Wrong. Something is wrong." 

They make haste toward the med bay. When they reach the wing Commander Tano is sitting outside the door on the ground, her knees pulled up to her chest. Her gaze flickers to the two clones when they approach, but she doesn't move. From her wide-eyed stare, Cody suddenly is reminded of how young the Jedi padawan is. Hell, she's practically the same age as them, but she ages normally. It's easy to forget her youth with her quick mouth and incredible battle capabilities.

"He's getting scans," she says, her voice lacking her usual inflection. "General Skywalker is talking to the council." 

Cody looks through the window of the med bay and sees a hoard of medics walking about. Off in the corner, he spots the scanning machine active and a pair of feet sticking out the end. 

"What the hell happened?" Rex asks, kneeling down to be closer to eye level to the young Togruta. 

"Found him on Lubang. Maul found him first. Dislocated his hip and broke a few ribs. Anakin managed to get him out." 

"Maul? Where have I heard that name before?" 

"Maul was a Sith. He killed Obi-Wan's master. And Obi-Wan killed him... At least they _thought_ he did." 

_Oh._ Cody blinks, the connection between that name and the general coming together. 

There was a day a few weeks ago (or was it months?) when Cody came into the mess to find the general already awake. Usually, Cody is the first to arise and Kenobi likes to take his tea into his quarters before his morning meditation. 

He grabbed his food and sat across from the general, noticing that his tea lacked any sort of steam and the bag had over-steeped into a dark brown that made it almost look like caff. 

They exchanged pleasantries and the oddities compounded. He was unusually quiet and non-conversational. At first, Cody had attributed it to being so early, but his strange behavior continued throughout the day. He kept catching the Jedi staring out the window or giving vague responses that didn't always make sense within the context of the meeting. By the end of the day, Cody had concluded something was definitely wrong. 

The final straw was when Cody woke up in the middle of his sleep shift with a strange feeling. He walked to the mess to get a glass of water, only to find the general sitting there once again, this time his cup still warm. 

"Cody, what are you still doing up?" he had asked. 

"I could ask you the same, sir," Cody said as he sat down across from him once again. "Do I have, uh, permission to speak freely, sir?" 

"Of course." 

"You seemed to be distracted today. I was wondering if everything is okay...sir." 

He had smiled. "Yes, I apologize. This day usually puts me in a... mood of sorts." 

"Sir?" 

The general had stared into space for a long moment. For a second he wondered if he had forgotten he was sitting there.

"What do they teach you about death, Cody?" 

It wasn't a question he expected, but he actually did have an answer. "Uh, well, we were taught that in death we join the _manda_ where we are reunited as brothers in soul." 

Kenobi had nodded like he already knew the answer. 

"The Jedi believe that we are returned to the Force in death. A sudden loss is of course, tragic, but death itself is to be celebrated for the Jedi who may now rest in the Force." Cody was surprised at the look of sadness on the general's face. "And I do believe it. I taught it to Anakin and he... hopefully, taught it to Ahsoka. But I'm afraid as much as would like to practice as I preach, I find myself more affected than I should be every time this day comes around." 

"Nobody is perfect, sir. "

He had chuckled, staring down into his tea. 

"My master was killed on this day eleven years ago by a Sith Lord. Maul. Eleven years sounds like a long time, but it's nearly as long as I was his padawan and that time felt so short." He siped his beverage and then set it back down. "I tried to follow my teachings but they never quite sat right with me. I felt guilty for grieving but also guilty for not. And when this war began, every time I sat down to release myself of the sorrows of another life, I didn't find relief. I decided this was a good thing though," he looked at Cody once again. "The moment I don't feel the weight of death is the moment I lose myself." 

Cody had never had a conversation as candid as this. At least not since his training days and certainly not with a superior or someone under his command. For so long the General was this impenetrable figure body and mind... at least seemingly. That night changed the way he saw the Jedi. It is common among the clones to place the Jedi on this pedestal. Cody sees it in the shines all the time when they first see on in action. Sometimes he too was guilty of letting his mind run with assumptions of their seemingly unlimited power. 

But hearing the general speak in such a soft, sorrowful tone and seeing the palpable exhaustion and vulnerability in his eyes made Cody realize the Jedi and the clones are not as different as they may believe. 

"So you grieve him today? Your master?" 

"I grieve everyone today."

The first thing Cody did when he got back to his quarters was input that day in his standard calendar. 

* * *

Obi-Wan hadn't realized he was going at lightspeed until he finally stopped. Suddenly the blurs he was seeing became clear and he recognized them to be stars. 

But somehow his body had stopped and his mind remained stuck in hyperspeed. 

Ever since he arrived on the massive starship he feels like he's been falling apart. Though he trekked numerous kilometers through the Lubang forest, he found that his hip had dislocated when he was thrown into the tree, which greatly hindered his mobility. Unless he had a hoverchair he couldn't go anywhere but his med bed... and the entire medical staff seemed to be under the impression he was a flight risk so they kept the chairs hidden unless Anakin or Ahsoka came by to escort him. Additionally, it was like all of his other ailments followed the principle of _out of sight, out of mind_. The moment he stood in front of a mirror and saw for himself the extent of his battered body, he crumbled. The pain caught up to him in an instant, and the medic Kix had to pick him up off the ground. 

He was told he must have been using the Force to mask his pain. Obi-Wan didn't tell Kix he doesn't know what that means. 

Though the physical aspects hurt, it was the mental exhaustion that he feared the most. 

Sleep. He needed it desperately, but it had reached the point that even the prospect of getting rest was tiring. Every time he closed his eyes another piece of the puzzle of his life would resurface. Always small. A face. A feeling. The touch of skin against his. The feeling of reverberations up his arm as he swung his lightsaber. The sound of laughter or a random snippet of a conversation. Nothing substantial enough to count as a full memory, but it kept his brain active enough that he woke up feeling more unrested than before he slept. 

After being on the starship a week he somehow managed to look worse than before. 

Obi-Wan knew Anakin was well aware of this and it didn't take knowing the young man to see the worry plainly on his face. 

He had awoken the previous night to the sound of hushed tones. Obi-Wan managed to stay still and not alert them to his consciousness. It was Anakin and the clone Cody standing only a few meters away from his bed. 

"...just think we should take him to the Temple healers."

"It's your call to make, general. You're the CO." 

"But we have our orders, I know." Anakin huffed like he was in an argument with himself. "You see it too, though, right?" 

Cody sighed. "The general doesn't look good." 

"He looks _worse_." 

"Do they know why yet?" 

"Scans showed no bleeds-- miraculously. A pretty nasty concussion, though. His function tests were reduced but not enough to explain _this_." Anakin sounded vexed. 

"Have they performed the memory recalls yet?" 

There was silence for a moment. Then Anakin cleared his throat. "Not yet." 

_Memory recalls._ That phrase kept getting brought up. Mostly in hushed tones or written in his medical reports that he read when he could get his hand on a datapad. It never explained what it meant, though. Obi-Wan just gathered it was important and likely dangerous in some way since they kept dancing around the procedure. 

His patience has begun to run thin, though. 

The next morning Anakin walked into the med bay with two cups of tea. The fragrant smell immediately made him perk up as it was transferred to his hands. He reveled in the warmth the mug formed between his hands. After a week in the chilly, stark med bay he was itching for any sort of comfort he could find. 

"Thank you, Anakin." he smiles as the young man sits down in the chair next to his bedside. 

"How do you feel, Obi-Wan?" 

Tired. Sore. Lost. Frustrated. The list goes on. 

"A bit better today I believe. That or they upped my pain medications." 

Anakin chuckles. Obi-Wan raises the mug to his lips and sips on the spiced tea. 

The moment the taste and smell settles, he blinks in surprise, familiarity washing over him. 

"Padawan," Qui-Gon says as Obi-Wan walks through the door to their shared quarters. Obi-Wan is young-- in the beginning stages of puberty and hopelessly awkward as a result. He tugs at his padawan braid that just barely hits his shoulder-- a nervous habit. 

"Good afternoon, Master," he says politely, internally mapping the path from his current location to his room. Things with Qui-Gon have been... slow going. He's only been his padawan for a few months and they haven't quite found a rhythm yet. He's already left him behind for a few missions, much to Obi-Wan's dismay. Sure, masters don't take their padawans on _every_ mission. Especially when they are likely to be dangerous or the padawans are still young. Still, he can't help feel a little bit invalidated every time Qui-Gon leaves him at the Temple. So much so he began to contrive reasons why his master may not want him around. Maybe he doesn't think he's studying hard enough. Or he finds him annoying. Or his lightsaber combat isn't advanced enough. 

Whatever the reason, Obi-Wan is determined to be the model padawan. He's been coming home and immediately starting his studying and spending extra hours sparring to prove himself. 

"Do you drink tea, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asks as Obi-Wan starts to pass him to reach his room. He stops in surprise. 

"Tea?" 

"I have a lovely blend here if you would like to join me." 

Qui-Gon's tea time was a sacred time, Obi-Wan had figured out. 

"I, uh, yes Master. I'd like that." 

Obi-Wan sets down his bag and sits across from his master as he pours him a cup of tea. Qui-Gon slides the cup across the table to him and Obi-Wan raises it up, letting the aromatic scent fill his senses. It's warm and cinnamony with hints of other spices that remind him of the colder months on Coruscant. 

"I have a friend on Alderaan that sent me this particular blend after I helped him with some treaty negotiations. It's one of my favorites"

Obi-Wan takes a sip and closes his eyes to allow the warm liquid coat his mouth and travel down his throat, seemingly warming his entire body in the process. He breathes deeply, letting the spices open up his sinuses like its breathing new life into his day. When he opens his eyes he finds Qui-Gon staring at him. 

"I didn't realize you liked tea so much, my padawan." 

"Caff makes me jittery and I like the flavors of tea much more. But this is so much better than even the tea in the mess." 

Qui-Gon leans forward, a humorous twinkle in his eye. "When I was a padawan my master didn't even let me drink that processed stuff they serve. He deemed it a crime against tea." 

"If he drank this stuff, I see why he thought that." 

"Master Dooku imported his favorite blends from all over the galaxy. Many times he grounded the materials himself. We would often finish our daily medications with a cup of tea. It's a ritual I still like to do." Qui-Gon smiles nostalgically. Suddenly he looks at Obi-Wan once more, his face lightening. "Maybe... you can join me in my meditation tea, padawan. I have many more blends such as this that make the Temple mess tea taste like glorified water." 

Obi-Wan smiled widely, the warmth in his chest now coming from within rather than the tea. "I would very much like that, master." 

The memory fades and Obi-Wan's vision clears to see Anakin sitting on the edge of his bed staring at him with concern. 

"Master?" 

"Yes?" 

"You were staring into space. Did you remember something?" 

Obi-Wan looks down at the cup of tea nestled in his lap. "What is this?" 

Anakin blinks. "It's your favorite, master. The Alderaan one." 

"Indeed." he says, taking another sip. That lovely warm feeling fills his body just like in his memory. "I think it's time for me to do the memory recall." 

Anakin looks surprised. "How do you--"

"You speak quite loudly sometimes. And I'm growing tired of this."


	7. Recall

Mace Windu sits alone in the council room, the only lights illuminating the rotunda coming from the nighttime glow of Coruscant. The council meeting had ceased hours ago but he stayed long past their dismissal. 

He tried to meditate but for some reason, he was having trouble finding his center. Skywalker's arrival that morning had admittedly troubled him. 

"Seeking answers in the night, are you?" Grandmaster Yoda says. Mace hadn't heard him come in. His gaze remains fixed on the night sky. 

"Obi-Wan is in the Halls of Healing. Skywalker's attachment to his master as obvious as ever. There's a damn _Sith_ that was supposedly killed over a decade ago and," he turns around to face Yoda, his face neutral but his tone sharp. "you're telling me the bastard _survived_ being _cut in half_ ?"

Yoda hums, walking out of the shadows. "Strange these times are."

Mace scoffs. " _Strange_ hardly covers it. We have a master who's forgotten the last thirty years of his training. Who was missing and we did _nothing._ " 

"Learn from our mistakes we must. Trust in the Force but must not forget our instincts. Skywalker followed his. Found Obi-Wan was."

 _The boy did a good job._ Mace doesn't admit it out loud, but as infuriating as the young reckless knight can be, he does have a talent for seeing things differently. Often times it resulted in trouble, sometimes it proved to be the best option, but in all instances, it never failed to impress him. 

"The Force is different, Master. Unbalanced. We should have been able to recognize such a disturbance as a Jedi Master being compromised." 

Yoda laughs. "Nine-hundred years I live and still learn more of the Force."

Of course, the grandmaster is right. What is "known" about the Force is merely speculation. It doesn't make it any less frustrating when it surprises them, though.

"What do you sense of Kenobi's fate, Master?" 

Yoda's humorous expression calms into something more serene. Maybe even unsure if Mace didn't know better. "Blocked for a reason is his mind. Will of the Force this was to happen. Why... I know not." 

* * *

It is even more beautiful in person than in his brief memory.

Obi-Wan stands in the center of what Anakin called The Room of a Thousand Fountains.

A thousand fountains indeed.

The room is not so much a room but a grand sanctuary. Waterfalls protrude from every wall, pooling in various tiers and forming a large body of water that encompasses much of the space. He watches some padawans swim through the pool, splashing one another and laughing gleefully. Aquatic species zoom gracefully through the water, demonstrating their natural strengths. Obi-Wan just stands there basking in the natural light that streams in from a large skylight. 

Though he's not physically in the pools his mind serves him the feeling. A brief memory of jumping into the water and kicking his way in pursuit of a Mon Calamari girl who jumped in before him brushes against his mind. The water is somehow the perfect temperature-- cool but comfortable. He can remember the burn in his lungs and the warmth forming in his muscles as he strokes through the water. Winning in a swimming race against a native swimmer was wishful thinking, but the competition was enjoyable for his competitive younger self. 

Obi-Wan has found this has been the most effective way of triggering his memories to return-- stimulating him with reminders and seeing how his mind reacts. 

He can feel a presence behind him. Based on the nervous energy protruding off of the signature he can only assume it's his former padawan. 

"Is it time?" Obi-Wan asks without turning around. 

"Yes, Master, they are ready for you." 

Obi-Wan takes one last look at the twinkling water and turns to face his friend.

The walk to the Halls of Healing is quiet. Anakin looks to have much on his mind and Obi-Wan isn't much in the mood for conversation either. 

The process of what Anakin was calling _memory recall_ was finally explained to him and it was to be performed in stages. The first stage was to see what can be retrieved naturally. A last-ditch effort. Obi-Wan had a feeling he would finally be told the things that everyone seems to be remaining tight-lipped about whenever he's around.

The second is far more daunting. His mind would be entered and the blocks that they believe he is unconsciously putting up will be taken down. 

Honestly, Obi-Wan is still unsure of the second phase. 

Since arriving at the Temple he's learned a lot about the Jedi and the Force. The councilmembers provided him with some reading they give to the younglings in their lessons and much of his knowledge seemed to come back to him immediately like it's always been there just hidden beneath a thin sheet. Every time something returns to him he feels another glimmer of hope. Maybe all is not lost. Maybe Qui-Gon was wrong.

As they reach the doors of the Halls of Healing Anakin suddenly stops. Obi-Wan looks back at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Something wrong?" he asks, staring at the trepidation that so obviously covers the young knight's face. 

Anakin stares at him a moment before closing the distance between them and hugging him tightly. Obi-Wan is surprised by the gesture but he returns the embrace, feeling the tension immediately drain from Anakin's body. 

His former padawan pulls back, his blue eyes swirling with a variety of emotions. 

"I wasn't always a very good padawan, Master," he says softly, dropping his arms and taking a half a step back. "You may not remember it now, but you will."

The way he looks down at the ground with uncertainty brings a flash of familiarity. A younger Anakin standing before him in much the same way.

_"What did you do this time, Padawan?"_

_"Did Master Reu talk to you already?"_

_"Maybe. Maybe not. I want to hear from you."_

_A pause. "It wasn't my fault."_

_"Anakin."_

_"It wasn't entirely my fault. Karcen Kiido was making fun of my circuitry project even though I helped him wire his! So I... took back my help."_

_Obi-Wan had to hide his amused smile. "And how did that result?"_

_"Explosively, master."_

_Obi-Wan got down on one knee to be eye-to-eye with his young apprentice. "You must learn to be the bigger person, Padawan. Jedi do not act out of spite."_

_"But Karcen--"_

_"It was wrong of Karcen to be mean to you, and I_ will _ensure his master knows of his torment," Obi-Wan finally lets his smile appear. "But I did see the explosion managed to scorch his eyebrows off, so maybe we can assume Padawan Kiido got his fair share of punishment over this matter."_

_Anakin's passive expression shifted to a shy smile. Obi-Wan reached forward and tugged at his padawan's braid and ruffled his hair._

The memory fades, leaving a small smile on Obi-Wan's face. "From what I understand, I trained you through your adolescence. Teenagers aren't especially known for their low-maintenance." he says, trying to reassure the man.

From the way Anakin relaxes it seems to work. "You say that now," Anakin chuckles nervously. 

"I'll let you know my verdict once I get my mind back." 

Obi-Wan resists the urge to ruffle his former padawan's hair like in his memory, turning to enter the Halls of Healing.

"Obi-Wan?" 

He stops, looking back at the knight. "Yes?"

"Good luck." 

A thought pops into his head and Obi-Wan smiles once more. "There's no such thing as luck. I will be okay." 

* * *

They cleared a room in the Halls of Healing. In fact, they all but cleared an entire wing. Obi-Wan sits in his bed in the center of the windowless room with his hands folded in his lap waiting patiently. 

The door opens. Master Che walks in with a holo player in hand. She closes the door and dims the lights. 

"We have your last correspondence before you went off the grid for you to watch. We hope it will trigger what happened to you and we will work backward from there. Are you ready, Master Kenobi?" she asks, glancing at his steady vitals. 

"Indeed." 

The holo illuminates and the face of Ventress appears. 

"Hello, Obi-Wan Kenobi," she says, and Obi-Wan blinks in recognition. 

"How did you get this code?" he whispers. Master Che's eyes dart up to him from her focus on the datapad. 

"Unimportant at the moment," the recording replies. 

Obi-Wan can hear the beeping from his vitals start to increase in speed and the sound of Master Che saying something, but her voice is far away and muffled. 

"Why are you calling me then?" He slurs. His eyelids feel heavy.

"Dooku tried to kill me..."

His vision blurs and there is a splitting pain in his temple. He hunches over, feeling Master Che's hands grabbing at his shoulder and the feeling of more pairs of hands grabbing at him, but he just falls limp. 

Obi-Wan flies from the hanger in his ship, glancing back at the sleek star destroyer as he sets the coordinates for Botajef. A pang of guilt hits him. He didn't reveal to Cody, the council, or even Anakin that he would be making a detour before taking his leave. It's unlike him to feel like he needs to keep his mission a secret, but Obi-Wan also knows he needs to do this on his own. 

Cody would just insist on sending troops with him. 

The council would make him return to the Temple before allowing him to go anywhere.

Anakin would be on the next ship to come help. 

He doesn't want to drag them into this.

 _Unfortunately, you're the only person in the Galaxy that has managed to kill Maul once._ Ventress's words still stick in his mind. He nearly laughs out loud at the irony. Obviously the man didn't die in the first place if he's terrorizing the people of Raydonia. 

Obviously he failed. 

The stars around him blur into streaks of white light as the ship jumps into hyperspace. In the meantime, he reprograms the computer to display that he set course for Coruscant despite the actual code sending him to Botajef to rendezvous with Dooku's assassin. 

Maybe he's going nuts. Maybe the war has finally got to him and this is how he deals with the long stretches of sleeplessness, nightmares of fallen comrades, and constant exertion. Why else would he think this to be a good idea? When has Ventress _ever_ had a righteous bone in her body?

Then again, she told him Dooku tried to dispose of her. She served him unconditionally and he threw her away like he was nothing. 

_Maybe we have more in common than I thought,_ Obi-Wan thinks before shaking his head. Where the hell did _that_ come from? 

He decides he probably is going crazy, but there's no turning back now. 

It takes three days in hyperspace to reach Botajef. The planet home to the Jefi people appears before him as his ship slows to cruising speed. 

It doesn't take long for him to locate Ventress's ship. Her Ginivex-class starfighter orbits nearby. He dials in her com number from their last transmission, smiling charmingly when her hologram shows up. 

"Greetings, my dear." 

She rolls her eyes. "Do you flirt with every enemy you come across or should I be so lucky?" 

The use of the word _enemy_ worries him slightly. So she still sees them as on opposite sides yet she asks for his help and has obviously come alone. He feels nothing that indicates she's lying to him either.

"So we are still enemies despite working together?" 

"We certainly aren't friends." 

"Funny, I thought ruthless torture was a show of friendly affection." 

He spots a flash of-- is that _guilt_ he sees on her face? She recovers quickly enough, shooting back a snarky remark. Obi-Wan decides to yield their childish dealings and leans forward, clearing his throat. 

"So Raydonia. What is our play?" 

He listens as Asajj explains her plan to use Savage-- a Nightbrother from Dathomir she managed to supercharge for maximum murdering potential-- to seek revenge on Dooku. In the process, Savage betrayed her and fled. 

Somehow he found Maul. Alive. A shiver runs down Obi-Wan's spine. 

"You're sure it's Maul?"

"He's red, strong in the Force, and-- oh, right-- missing his bottom half," The side of Ventress's mouth twitches upward in a sly smile. "Nice hit, by the way. Didn't know you had it in you." 

"Obviously not good enough," Obi-Wan sighs, rubbing his chin. 

"Don't get weepy Kenobi, you can battle out your demons _after_ I kill Savage." 

"And how do you suggest we do that?" 

Ventress thinks for a moment. "Catching them by surprise is key. Maul wants to draw you out, which means creating havoc and then waiting for you to come to him. We must stay one step ahead of them." 

"So we lie in wait. Catch them before they start their massacre. How are we supposed to know what village they plan to pillage?" Obi-Wan asks.

Ventress rolls her eyes. "I thought you were " _The Negotiator",_ master of _strategy._ The only ships going in and out of Raydonia are supply ships." 

"We can hide in the treeline," he suggests. "Track any incoming ships, and scan for lifeforms. Most supply ships nowadays are droid-operated." 

She seems to agree but she still gives him a deadpan stare. "I see why your battles are the way they are, now." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Nevermind, Kenobi. We have work to do." 

"Right. Inputting coordinates for Raydonia." He looks at the holo and gives her one last smile. "See you there." 

After a few hours of travel, Obi-Wan comes out of hyperspace. The vibrantly colored planet of. Raydonia lies just ahead. 

His ship descends into the atmosphere, landing in an open field that is well blocked by the jungle surrounding him. Ventress is landing in the other hemisphere in case Maul and Savage come from the other direction. 

As he sits in the cockpit and the ship settles around him, Obi-Wan gets a sudden rush of panic. 

What in _blazes_ is he doing here? Alone. With _Ventress_ of all people. About to face Maul. 

_But maybe it isn't Maul._ His brain argues. _Maybe it's just one that looks like him_. _I quite literally cut the man in half. He couldn't have survived such an injury as well as a fall._

But what if he did? 

Obi-Wan isn't quite sure he's prepared for that fact. In all honestly, he is hoping that either:

1\. Ventress set this up as a trap for him and she's just here to try and kill him again, or

2\. Her information is wrong and it's just Savage and some other Dathmiran Nightbrother that happens to resemble Maul. 

And be missing both his legs...

He continues to reason his way through every possible scenario besides Maul being alive until his commlink beeps, and he freezes. 

Ventress's face again pops up in hologram form. 

"They're here." 

Obi-Wan lets her know he will meet her and takes off low to the trees. His heart is beating rapidly in his chest as he lands his ship down on the other side of the village Ventress told him they landed near. He stands, slipping off his cloak and unclipping his lightsaber from his belt. 

He stands for a moment, just staring at the weapon. He had modeled his first lightsaber after his master's. The current one he wields, well... he didn't want to be reminded of that day by following the same design. But now looking at it-- knowing what he's about to do-- it looks wrong to be facing such a foe. Suddenly he wishes he still had Qui-Gon's. 

Of course, Obi-Wan knows the choice of lightsaber makes no difference. It's the Jedi that wields it, and since Naboo Obi-Wan has only grown stronger and more skilled. If he is to face Maul today, then he shall finish what he started. 

He takes a deep breath and descends down the ramp of his ship. 

The first thing he sees when he reaches the outdoors is a large supply ship landing nearby. While it is unlikely the occupants can see his ship with the jungle cover, he can see it. 

Darkness seems to surround the ship. 

Dust rises as the supply ship touches down, and Obi-Wan walks toward the village. With every step, he can feel the disturbance in the Force grow stronger. It nauseates him, making him feel lightheaded and panicked. 

And then, the Force does a weird thing. 

Obi-Wan's vision starts to blur, and he tries to blink it away. A loud beeping starts to scream at him, and he spins around to try and find the source. 

"Hello?" He has to yell over the sound, but it's like yelling into the wind. His voice dissipates, breaking, and disappearing into nothingness. His eyes widen as he feels the sudden sensation of falling.

He gasps, and then his eyes fly open. 

* * *

Anakin sits in the corner of the healing room watching his Master's session quietly. He's unconscious, a fact that he can tell Master Che was not expecting or is happy about, but all seems to be going well so far. 

His vitals are stable. He twitches in his sleep every so often which Anakin guesses means he's dreaming. 

Hopefully also remembering. Stars, Anakin hopes this is all he needs. Since he's been back in the temple he's gotten so much better. A few memories from when he was a youngling crept back. He even knew where his quarters were without Anakin having to tell him.

According to the healers, his procedural memory is returning the quickest. His training, the things he committed to habit. It explains why he could still fight and use a few Force abilities while on Lubang. His short term memory also seems to be okay besides not remembering how he got injured. 

It leaves a bulk of his memories still unaccounted for, but Anakin is trying to be optimistic. _Trying_. He still can't get Obi-Wan's theory from Lubang out of his head though. 

_Was I happy though?_

It continues to send shivers up his spine.

Anakin wants to go sit closer, but Master Che was very insistent that he _would_ sustain bodily harm if he moved from his designated spot. It took long enough to convince her to even let him in here, so he doesn't want to push his luck. But _somehow_ Master Windu and Master Yoda are able to stand beside his bed? 

He doesn't see that as fair considering their negligence is partially to blame for this even happening, but nobody wants to hear _his_ opinion. 

It's quiet for a long time besides the persistent beep of the heart rate monitor. All four of them watch Obi-Wan carefully. Anakin is pretty sure if his master knew he had so much attention on him, he would try to disappear into himself. The thought of Obi-Wan hiding under his blanket brings a small smile to his face. 

His warm feelings quickly fade as the heart monitor begins to pick up the pace. Master Che and Windu's heads both snap up at the noise. At the exact same moment, Obi-Wan starts thrashing around, muttering something incoherent. 

"What's going on?" Anakin asks, suddenly on his feet.

"I don't know, he just--" and she stops, her eyes widening as she seems to be sensing something. 

And then Anakin feels it too. A disturbance in the Force that is obviously emulating from his writhing Master. It's strong. Strong enough to make Anakin feel a little queasy.

He forgets the threat to stay put and runs to his master's side, Obi-Wan's face is ashen and beads of sweat are forming on his brow. Anakin is about to shake him awake when Obi-Wan inhales sharply, his eyes wide and staring straight up at the ceiling.

"Obi-Wan!" Anakin exclaims, jumping back in surprise.

Master Che hurries forward to place a hand on his back and guide him to a sitting position. Obi-Wan is clutching the bedsheets as the heart monitor starts to reduce in speed. He's still breathing hard, his gaze glossy. 

Anakin can sense fear and confusion from his master. If Windu and Yoda weren't standing right there by he would try and help comfort him. Rather, he sends waves of comfort through the training bond they never quite found the time to sever.

It hardly seems to make a dent in his distress.

"Master Kenobi can you hear me?" the healer says, pressing a hand to his forehead. He nods slightly, blinking a few times. "Are you in pain?" 

"No," he says softly. 

"Did you remember anything?" Windu asks.

Anakin watches Obi-Wan intently, hardly breathing in anticipation. He too is curious what kept him unconscious for so long.

Master Che's eyes blue eyes scan over Obi-Wan before looking back at Windu.

"Maybe he should rest--"

"I saw Ventress," he interrupts her, nodding apologetically before continuing. "My journey to Botajef and then to Raydonia. I landed in Raydonia and the supply ship that Ventress thought Maul and Savage would be on landed and then..." he takes another deep breath and his face changes like he's in disbelief. "And then something happened. The Force... I don't know what it did but it pulled me under and awoke me." 

Anakin just stares at Obi-Wan, trying to take in his claim. Based on that disturbance in the Force they felt-- hell, the entire Temple probably felt _that--_ it's obvious something weird happened. The question that remains is... what? 

He looks at Yoda and Windu, hoping they have the answer.

"Felt the Force behave strangely, we also did," Yoda nods. 

"But why would it wake me up?"

There's a pause. Anakin looks around at the four masters present in the room and realizes they all look unsure.

"Meditate upon this, we must. Something the Force does not want you to remember, there is." 

Obi-Wan lays back into the pillows, stroking his beard. He suddenly looks up at Master Che. "Can I try again?" 

She looks surprised, glancing over at Windu and Yoda before looking back at him. "I suppose." 

Anakin looks at his master incredulously. "Master, don't you think you can try another cue?" 

"Obviously this seems to be where my problem lies, Anakin. Maybe if I can get past this block, I can access my other lost memories."

"But--"

"Skywalker," Windu interjects. "Master Che will monitor him closely.

Anakin shuts his mouth. Partially because he knows they will kick him out if he tries to argue further and partially because he has no good way of explaining this feeling he has. 

When the Force saturated and caused Obi-Wan to awake, he recognized the signature. It had a similar fingerprint to a sleep suggestion, but rather than putting Obi-Wan to sleep it drew him out of his trance. The strange thing is, the surge of the Force seemed to originate from... Obi-Wan. 

Anakin can't explain it. A sleep suggestion is a mind trick. It's performed externally, by a well-trained force-sensitive on someone else. It's not something you can do on yourself-- meditation is the closest a Jedi can get to putting themself to sleep. If he didn't know Obi-Wan's force signature like his own, he would assume someone was meddling with the session. 

But there is no doubt in Anakin's mind it was Obi-Wan who caused the disturbance. 

* * *

Obi-Wan tries again. And again. And after five tries he still hits that wall where the Force surrounds him and forcibly pulls him from his memory and back into the world. Mace Windu and Yoda have long left to go meditate. Anakin still sits in the chair in the corner that Vokara Che threatened him to stay in, but now he snores softly, his head cradled in his hand. The fifth time he wakes up Master Che looks down at him with pity. 

"The same?" 

"I'm afraid so," he pants. He looks up at the Twi'lek healer wearily.

"You look like bantha crap, Kenobi." 

He chuckles. "I feel like it." 

"Get some rest. We will continue with phase one in the morning," she pulls up the blankets to his chest and turns off the beeper on the heart monitor. Master Che looks over at a sleeping Anakin Skywalker, raising an eyebrow. "Should I wake him?" 

"Let him sleep. He'll wander back to his room if he gets uncomfortable." 

"Doubtful," Vokara scoffs. "I've known you two long enough to know that boy will be here when I come to check on you in the morning." 

Obi-Wan smiles, gazing over at the young knight. In his sleeping state, he looks much younger than he is, which isn't saying much. The man is hardly a man as it is and yet he wears the signs of a fully-lived life already. He looks at the prosthetic arm peeking out from beneath his cloak sleeve, his face falling. He hadn't noticed that before. Anakin has been wearing gloves since he's reunited with him.

"Do you remember how that happened?" Master Che asks carefully. 

_Sand. Sweat. Blood. The smell of burnt flesh. The sound of a young man screaming in agony._

"I wasn't long ago," Obi-Wan says. "We were... in a cave." 

"Geonosis." Master Che sighs, staring at the wall blankly. "The first battle of this bloody war." 

_Buzzing. Lots of buzzing. Aching arms. Chaffing wrists. A woman's cry of pain._

"Did we win it at least?" 

Master Che looks at him grimly. "Nobody won that battle." 

The Jedi healer leaves, and Obi-Wan's body is screaming at him to go to sleep. 

Despite being in and out of consciousness all day, somehow he's still exhausted. He's been weary like this since he woke up. From the way everyone around him keeps telling him he "looks like crap" or "needs rest", he's guessing he usually _isn't_ this tired on a daily basis. 

While real sleep is enticing, Obi-Wan has spent all day practicing the method of triggering his hidden memories. Granted, he spent all day working on a single memory that seems to be more stubborn than the rest, but he thinks he has the method down. 

He slips his hand into his pocket, pulling out the thing he's been wondering about since he woke up on Lubang. The smooth, black stone that seems to have worn a home into all of his robe pockets. He strokes it with the pads of his fingers. It's warm to the touch and gives off this strange feeling he can't quite place. 

"Come padawan, we have much to do today." The tall, imposing Jedi Master walks with long strides ahead of him, his long hair swaying side to side in rhythm with his stride. Obi-Wan straggles behind, his short legs not quite used to the pace of his Master's gait quite yet. 

But maybe his lagging isn't just his walking speed. There's a weight on his heart. The day is mostly over and with every passing hour, he loses more and more hope. 

Today is Obi-Wan's thirteenth birthday. Though the Jedi do not normally place emphasis on such occasions, the thirteenth birthday is a special one for padawans. 

Qui-Gon stops, staring down at him. "You've been acting strangely, my padawan." 

Obi-Wan resisted at first, but finally, he told Qui-Gon. It was silly to assume his master who had only been his master for a very short time would know his birthday, anyways. He should have been more forthcoming. 

"In fact, I do have a gift for you." Qui-Gon slips his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small, smooth black stone, pressing it into Obi-Wan's palm. "This is a river stone."

"A... rock, master?" Obi-Wan is disappointed but he put on his best polite smile. 

"River stone. I found it in the River of Light on my home planet. It is very special to me. And now I pass it onto you, my padawan," 

He looked at the simple black stone, unenthralled but pleased that it seems to have value to Qui-Gon at least. He slips it into his own pocket.

His surroundings change. He's still holding the stone in his own pocket, but he's older, sitting across from a young Anakin. His braid is to his shoulder and his hair is short and spikey. 

"Have you done your birthday reflections, padawan?" Obi-Wan asks, scratching the scruff he's been growing out on his chin. 

"Yes, master." 

"Then now I believe it is time for your thirteenth birthday gift." 

Anakin's eyes twinkle with excitement as Obi-Wan takes hold of the stone and pulls it out of his pocket. Just as Qui-Gon had years ago, he presses it into Anakin's palm. 

Anakin looked up at him in wonder. "Are you sure? This was given to you by Qui-Gon."

"He would want you to have it, as I do. It is my most treasured possession. I hope it will be with you always to remind you of Qui-Gon and me, of our deep regard for you."

Anakin smiled, enclosing the stone in his hand. "I'll treasure it. Thank you, Master." 

Obi-Wan finds himself in the Temple, the council chambers buzzing with life. He stands facing the window, holding something between his fingers. When he looks down he finds a long braid in his hands, decorated with many colorful strings and tiny beads. 

"Did you ever think you'd see the day?" Anakin says as he walks up next to him, a patch of his hair newly scorched where the braid used to lie.

"If I'm being honest," Obi-Wan smirks. "I thought you'd have gotten us both killed by now." 

Anakin grins, glancing down at his severed braid. "That reminds me, I have something for you." 

"You getting us killed _reminds you of something_? In that case, I'm not sure I want to know." 

His padawan-- former padawan-- rolls his eyes. "Or I can not give you your gift."

"Gift?" Obi-Wan turns, crossing his arms. "Anakin, today is _your_ day. You aren't supposed to be giving _me_ gifts." 

Anakin shrugs. "I've never been one for tradition." 

He holds his hand out and slips the black stone in Obi-Wan's hand. Obi-Wan revels in the familiar smoothness."

"You can't re-gift this to me when I already regifted it to you."

"Maybe it's not so much a gift but... a loan," Anakin smiles. "You know me, I lose everything,"

"Including your lightsaber." 

"Don't start with that, I've been very good about that lately. I just want you to hold onto it a little while. And when I make the rank of master, you can gift it back to me." he winks. 

Obi-Wan looks down at the rock, feeling the calming energy of Qui-Gon surrounding it. He looks back up at Anakin, pride coursing through him at the young man before him. 

"Congratulations, Knight Skywalker." 

"Thank you... Master Kenobi." 

"Master Kenobi?" A woman's voice rings out. Obi-Wan turns and sees a lovely blonde woman walking toward him, a small smile on her face. He's standing in a garden, though not even the tall hedges can keep out the bustling city nearby.

"Duchess Satine," he replies, bowing as she grows closer. "Taking a walk?" 

"You know I don't like to stay cooped up inside all day," she links arms with him and they begin to walk. In his other hand, Obi-Wan flips the river stone between his fingers absentmindedly. "What's on your mind, my dear Obi?"

"I'm sure you're aware of the day," he says softly. Satine glances down at the rock moving fluidly in a pattern between his fingers. 

"I am," she pulls him a little closer so their sides are pressed against one another. Her touch comforts him. "He gave you that, didn't he?" Obi-Wan nods. 

"Did I ever tell you it saved my life long ago?" 

Obi-Wan is thirteen again, but he is alone. His knees are pulled into his chest and he holds back the tears he so desperately wants to shed. _It's my first mission as Qui-Gon's padawan and I've been captured. I'm a failure of a padawan already._

The door to his cell opens. It is time. 

"The Syndicat was a criminal organization that was terrorizing the planet Phindar. Qui-Gon and I were sent to help them and in the process I was taken." Obi-Wan explains, looking at Satine grimly. "The Syndicat showed their power by taking those who opposed them captive, wiping their memories, and releasing them back out into the galaxy. Blank slates. Lives forgotten." 

Obi-Wan is attached to the machine, and internally he's struggling to maintain his bearings. If his memory is wiped he will be lost. He won't be able to find Qui-Gon. Even fi Qui-Gon finds him, he won't be Obi-Wan Kenobi anymore. He will just be a thirteen-year-old boy with no past and no clear future. 

In his pocket, he feels the river stone Qui-Gon gave him for his birthday. It seemed like so near he was reveling in his new status as Padawan, only to find himself here. He squeezes the stone, rubbing his fingers along the smooth surface. Into the Force he sends his pleas. _Master. Please. I don't want this._

To Obi-Wan's surprise, it is not his master than answers, but a different signature. From the stone he holds, he feels waves of calm and strength through the Force. His eyes widen as the realization dawns on him. _The stone is Force-sensitive!_

As the Syndicat begins their memory wipe, Obi-Wan concentrates. He wraps the Force around his mind, constructing shields as tight as stone. He withdraws into himself, building up a new wall every time the procedure threatens to break it down. It's exhausting and seemingly hopeless, but every time his hope dwindles, Obi-Wan thinks of Qui-Gon. He thinks of the future he could have if he can just survive this and he keeps on pushing. 

Obi-Wan fights for what feels like hours. 

And then it stops. 

Obi-Wan awakes in the Halls of Healing, sitting straight up. Anakin still snores, his legs hooked over the arm of the chair and his head pressed into the wall. He doesn't even stir.

Obi-Wan stares down at the stone in his hand. _Maybe this is the answer_.


	8. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates may be more spread out because I started classes again.

Anakin awakes with a crick in his neck and a bit of a headache. He groans, stretching out his arms and legs as far as they reach. _The Halls really ought to put couches in these rooms_ , he grumbles internally. He'll have to make the suggestion to Master Che. As his eyes flutter open he sees Obi-Wan already up, sipping on a cup of tea and looking right at him.

"Oh good, you're awake." Obi-Wan smiles. 

"You're up..." Anakin glances down at the early hour on his watch. "early." 

He also looks better today. Like he might have actually gotten some sleep. 

"I have some questions for you," he says, pulling his legs in so he's sitting cross-legged on the bed. Still groggy from sleep, Anakin untangles himself from the chair, taking a moment to stretch out more. Once his body cracks and snaps back into alignment, he crosses the room and dives headfirst onto the end of Obi-Wan's bed, curling to his side and propping his head upon his elbow. 

"Okay, shoot." 

"What do you know about my mission on Phindar as a padawan?"

Anakin blinks in surprise. "You went to Phindar?" 

Obi-Wan frowns. "Yes, it was one of my first missions. It went quite poorly, actually... from what I remember." 

_Oh_. Anakin swallows hard, trying to keep his face neutral. "Uh, Obi-Wan, you never really talk about when you were a padawan. In fact, I'm not sure I could tell you anything about your time before I came along."

His master looks quite shocked, actually. "I see... I suppose... I figured since you are my closest friend I would have... told you..." 

What is Anakin supposed to say? That trying to learn about Obi-Wan's past is like trying to talk to a durasteel wall? That he finds every way of deflecting questions _especially_ when they involve Qui-Gon? That he learns more about his master he's been with for over ten years by talking to other Jedi who knew him since the creché than from Obi-Wan? 

Stars, he's ranted to Padmé and Ahsoka about these things so many times he could word his frustration with how closed-off Obi-Wan is toward him a hundred different ways... and boy, does he want to let him hear his thoughts on the matter. But he looks at how guilty the man looks right now. He's chewing on the inside of his lip and his ears are bright red. He actually feels _bad_. 

"I guess we had enough going on, it just didn't come up," Anakin lies, quelling the urge to get worked up. _It's not worth it._ Obi-Wan doesn't look convinced.

"But you wanted to hear about my life? And I just... didn't?"

There's a moment of dead air before Anakin exhales softly. "Honestly Master, I don't know why you didn't tell me about your childhood. There must've been a reason." _He hopes there was a good reason, at least._

Obi-Wan strokes his chin, falling into thought. (Anakin makes a mental note to help him trim his overgrown beard. It looks far too unkempt.)

"I was thirteen." He starts suddenly, smiling a little bit. "I had just become Qui-Gon's padawan and we were still figuring out how to work together, it seems. He gave me the river stone for my birthday, which was a strange gift, but I cherished it. I suppose I was just happy to have a master." 

Anakin raises an eyebrow. "Wait, what do you mean?" 

"About what?" 

"You just being just happy to have a master." 

Obi-Wan looks taken aback like he hadn't realized he even said that. "I-I'm not sure. That just... came out, I suppose." 

_Weird_.

"Nevermind, what happened on Phindar?"

Obi-Wan tells him the story of his mission to Phindar. From the specific details he provides, Anakin guesses he only recently came upon this memory. As Obi-Wan talks about his capture, imprisonment, and his close call with having his memory wiped, Anakin goes from lying on the bed to sitting up, his eyes wide in prolonged surprise. 

How did he not know about this? He knows about the river stone--was even in possession of it for a while-- but not that it's the only reason Obi-Wan survived his first mission. Is even a Jedi today. 

It hurts to even think about how things would be different had Obi-Wan not been able to protect his memories. He'd be somewhere in the galaxy, no longer a Jedi. No longer Obi-Wan. 

And then, with horror, Anakin realizes that's the exact predicament they're in now... Except for the reason his mind is wiped isn't because of an evil crime organization it's... well that's still not even known for sure. 

"Point is, when the Syndicat was trying to erase my memories, I locked up my mind tightly. What if I tried to do that again, but I wasn't successful..." he rubs his chin once again in thought. "Or _too_ successful? I'm not sure, actually. I was hoping you could help me figure it out." 

An involuntary smile appears on Anakin's face. He can't help the little bit of pride that swells within him. Suddenly he's fourteen again and he's beaming at the fact out of everyone in the Temple-- the _entire_ Jedi Temple!-- Master Kenobi sitting here asking him to help solve his mystery. 

"Yes, Master, I actually had--"

The door suddenly opens, and Anakin stops as Master Che and Mace Windu stride in.

"Skywalker," Master Che says, giving him a small smile. "Making ourselves comfortable, I see." Obviously, this is code for _get off the bed_ , so he quickly slips off the side and stands back, throwing a glance at Obi-Wan. Vokara looks at Obi-Wan, hanging another IV bag. "And how are you feeling this morning?" 

* * *

Padmé is minding her business, reading through a senate report on her living room couch, when the door to her apartment bursts open and chaos in the form of two Jedi erupts. She looks up wide-eyed at the sudden onset of her husband and his padawan learner in the midst of a very loud conversation.

"And you're sure you got the--"

"Of course I got it, Skyguy, I'm not an imbecile." 

"You even sound like Obi-Wan, I'm not letting him babysit you anymore."

"Babysit!" 

"Hello Anakin and Ahsoka," Padmé nearly has to yell to catch their attention. Anakin's clear blue eyes fall on her, a subtle blush appearing on his cheeks.

"Sorry Senator, I should have called," he says, grinning. "One of the younglings managed to shut down the whole network at the Temple." 

"I'm guessing her programming marks aren't going to be great this term," Ahsoka cuts in. 

"Anyways, is it okay if we do our research here?" 

She finally takes in their presence and realizes that the two Jedi's arms are filled to the brim with datapads, books, and a few glowing blue cubes. She chuckles, putting her reading aside and walking over to relieve her husband of the datapad that is dangerously close to crashing onto the floor. 

"Of course," she smiles, giving Anakin's hand a quick squeeze out of the view of his student. Ahsoka knows that they are close friends, but to her knowledge, the Jedi-in-training doesn't know the extent of their relationship. Anakin has told her a few times that Ahsoka jokes that he has a crush on the Naboo senator, to which he can only laugh at the irony. 

Ahsoka starts making herself at home at the dining table organizing the materials while Padmé is pulled into the kitchen by her husband. He sneaks a quick kiss on her lips while starting the caff maker across the kitchen using the Force. 

"Thank you," he whispers. "Out of all the times for the Temple to lose connection,"

Anakin is in a good mood. A _very_ good mood, which surprises Padmé considering the current drama with his master. His eyes are twinkling and he has this smile that hasn't left his lips since he came in the room. She can see that he's tired, but he doesn't seem to care one bit.

"Snips, caff?" 

"Yes, thank you, Master!" Ahsoka calls from the other room. Anakin levitates another mug under the machine. Padmé rolls her eyes. 

"Someone's using the Force liberally today," she teases, wrapping an arm around his waist. He leans over and plants a kiss on the top of her head. "What's put you in this lovely mood?"

The two fresh cups of caff are now floating across the kitchen. Anakin plucks them from the air and starts walking back into the dining area, beckoning her to follow. "Obi-Wan asked me to help him with something." 

"You? You mean both of us?" Ahsoka says, crossing her arms. 

"Obi-Wan asked _me,_ and then I, your master, asked _you_ to help me." He sets down the two cups of caff and sits in the chair across from his padawan.

"What's the assignment?" Padmé asks, trying to keep the two bickering Jedi on track. _This must be what having children will be like_ , she thinks humorously. 

"Apparently he went to Phindar on a mission as a padawan." 

The senator's eyes widen. "Really? When?"

Ahsoka looks down at the datapad in hand. "Uh, over twenty years ago at this point."

The senator takes a seat in the chair next to Anakin.

"You don't mean to tell me he was one of the Jedi who took down Syndicat?" 

Both the Jedi look up at her in surprise. "How do you--"

"I've met with the senator from Phindar before. We had dinner. They're a relatively new democracy and-- wow. I just had no idea it was Obi-Wan all these years." 

"Yes well," Anakin looks a bit shaken but he recovers. "Syndicat captured him and tried to erase his memory but he used the Force to survive."

"And now Master Obi-Wan is asking us to help him figure out if what he did there may be why he can't remember things now." 

While Padmé's knowledge of Phindarian culture may have been some help, she obviously is no expert when it comes to the Force. She does feel a shiver down her spine just thinking about the Phindarian senator's stories. The hellscape Phindar was before the criminal organization fell. How the Syndicat dealt with those who opposed them. _That could have been Master Kenobi!_

"That sounds like a lot of research," she smiles, glancing over the large variety of materials nearly covering her large dining table. "I will leave you two to it."

Before she knows it, Padmé is forgotten by the quick-moving minds of the Jedi. Her apartment is filled with the sounds of holos playing Anakin and Ahsoka talking amongst themselves about Jedi terminology so obscure it sounds like another dialect. She sneaks random glances at her husband, her heart warmed more and more at the sight of his face lit up with the glee of feeling needed.

And by Obi-Wan, nonetheless. 

* * *

Somehow Obi-Wan's day turned into a series of field trips. Vokara Che managed to convince him to give it a rest on his blocked memories-- he knows Anakin is working on figuring that out anyways, so he complies. She told him she had other plans for him anyway.

 _Other plans_ is an understatement.

Every hour on the hour Obi-Wan is scheduled to meet with another guest. Jedi who taught him, learned alongside him, and others who knew him well signed up for blocks of time to come meet with him and help him remember. 

While a tad intimidating, Obi-Wan can't help but feel touched. So many of his peers heard of his predicament and offered to give their time to help him. How lovely it is to feel the warm wishes of so many. 

The first visitor is none other than Master Che herself. The Twi'lek healer sits down in the chair next to his bed, shaking her head. 

"I'm truly surprised we've kept you in here as long as we have, Master Kenobi." 

It's something he's actually heard a few times since being here. And on _The Negotiator_. 

"So I've gathered. It leads me to believe something must have scarred me as a youngling." 

Master Che laughs. "I believe you were just stubborn. You always have been." 

"I'm surprised you're willing to remind me of that. I could be a changed man." 

Her smile falters slightly, and there's a tiny bit of sadness to her eyes. "Now, then you wouldn't be our Obi-Wan Kenobi, now would you?" 

She tells him of his time in the creché. The little bits she knew at least. That he was reckless at times, sometimes getting in fights. Often being forced in from a particularly rough lightsaber training session. The memories came back as familiarity more than recognition. It was a long time ago. 

He learned that he's 36. That he was knighted at 25. That he used to live on a planet called Stewjon. 

Obi-Wan had no memories of his home.

Master Che tells him he had horrible headaches as a child. That he still gets them sometimes. That he wasn't a sickly child, but when he did rarely get sick he got it bad. 

Even reading down a medical file helped a little. Obi-Wan started recalling times during his apprenticeship when he'd find the coolest, darkest corner of whatever sleeping accommodations they had to sit down and rest his aching eyes. Sometimes he would awake from Qui-Gon shaking his shoulder softly, coaxing him to return to his bed. Other times-- when he was older, it seems-- he would just bring him a glass of water and some medicine capsules and then leave him alone in his fetal position. 

Though the gesture must seem cold to the outsider, the memory makes him smile. _That's Qui-Gon, for you._

After a few more masters from his youngling and padawan days, there is a quick knock at the door and then a man with his dark hair in a tidy buzz cut and white and yellow armor pokes his head in. Obi-Wan sees the helmet in his hands with the visor and vaguely remembers seeing him a few times while on the ship. 

"Commander Cody," Obi-Wan smiles, recalling the name. The man seems to relax slightly. 

"Sir, glad to see you doing better." 

"I'm making my way back. I suspect you're here to tell me about this war I keep hearing about." 

Cody looks stunned for a moment. Obi-Wan is pretty sure if the man were drinking something he would have choked. 

"So it's true, sir? You don't... remember the war?" 

"It's not gone, Commander," he reassures him. After many of these conversations, he's pretty sure he's perfected the best way to disarm the shock and confusion of his visitors. "It's... just not accessible at the moment. I need a few reminders to help me along."

And it works. Cody looks less overwhelmed and takes a seat in the visitor throne. And so begins the story of The Clone Wars. 

He has a stack of datapads in his lap. Cody explains it's their battle reports. Mission statements. Orders. Meeting minutes. There must be at least eight pads there! Supposedly this war hasn't been going on for terribly long. Hardly two years by Obi-Wan's math.

Cody tells him about the origins of the Clone Army. 

Obi-Wan pushes down the ill feelings that come as a reaction. He has a feeling from his commander's face that their sentiments may be similar. It's a question to be asked later.

They begin going battle by battle starting with Geonosis. Cody wasn't at that one, but it doesn't take much for the memory to storm the Jedi's mind. He can feel the grime and sweat covering his body and hear the sound of Anakin's cry as if it happened yesterday. 

Christophsis. The crystal city. Cody can't help but shake his head in disapproval as he explains the stunt Obi-Wan pulled to stall the Separatist Army. Somehow Obi-Wan is able to feel the emotions that he felt during that time as Cody recounts the story. Exhilaration. A little bit of pride. A lot of anxiety over whether or not it would work. 

And then Ryloth. 

Vanqor.

Florrum.

Orto Plutonia. 

By the time they reach Felucia his head feels like it's splitting. 

The memories are coming easy. It takes a few good descriptions of the happenings to trigger graphic images of war, carnage, and everything in between. He doesn't just remember the events... it's like he's reliving them. The taste of sand on Geonosis and the smell of blaster fire on Christophisis. The weight of a young Twi'lek child in his arms on Ryloth. Burns on his wrists from constraints and the hangover from a drug-induced slumber after being taken hostage on Florrum. 

Worst of all, he feels the weight on his heart grow with every clone trooper he sees crumble to the ground. Every civilian with fear in their eyes as he walks through the streets with weapons drawn. The exhaustion in the eyes of Anakin and Ahsoka. 

He can't finish. He tells Cody to stop and the commander looks at him like he's grown three heads. 

"Sir are you well? Should I get the healer?" 

"I think I need to rest, Commander," he says, unable to hide the weariness. "We can continue this tomorrow if that is okay."

He looks hesitant. Worried. "Yes General. I will leave these with you if you want to go over anything on your own." Cody sets the datapads on the side table and picks up his bucket. 

"I do appreciate it, Cody. You've been a big help."

Cody heads to the door but stops, turning so he's only half facing Obi-Wan who has slid himself down to almost horizontal. Obi-Wan looks at him, expecting him to say something but the clone seems to decide against it. 

"Feel better, general," he says softly, and then he is gone. 

Silence blankets the room. Obi-Wan can hear Cody's voice faintly in the distance and the sound of Master Che's gait. He rolls over so his back is facing the door, pulling his knees into his chest. The stone rests warmly in his palm as he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to shut out the voices of war casualties that seem to have found their way into his mind. 

He thinks of Lubang. The serenity he felt connecting with the Force and how enticing their simplistic lives seemed to him. The longing he felt when Marri asked him to stay. He thought regaining his memories would be best. He would remember his life and return to it. This was just a few lost days. 

Rather, he's finding the opposite. His life feels like it's been blown up by a mortar. Pain and suffering surround him, and everyone talks of it with a straight face! Like war is normal!

 _I suppose for them... it is._ For him, it should be, but his mind has forced him to forget this part of his life. At least for a little while. Obi-Wan feels a few tears fall from his eyes and down his nose. 

_Cody didn't even finish_ , he reminds himself. Obi-Wan had a few glimpses of other battles in some of his recovered memories that haven't even come up yet. This will only get worse.

He wishes he were still in that place of blissful ignorance. He wishes he stayed there. He wishes he stayed on Lubang. Headed Qui-Gon's warning. He pulls the blanket up to his neck, wrapping it tightly around himself.

Suddenly he feels like he's been here before. Lying in a ball, silent tears running down his face. Wishing he were anywhere else. But he isn't in the Halls of Healing he's in the cold quarters of a ship. Sleeping cot in the midst of a battle camp. In his bed, padawan braid itching his cheek. 

The wave of familiarity makes him feel like he's suffocating. Obi-Wan takes long deep breaths, closing his eyes as his headache intensifies from the crying. 

"You were right, Master," Obi-Wan whispers. "I wasn't happy." 

* * *

Four holocrons.

Seven datapads.

Two actual books. 

Ahsoka has never done research like this for any of her classes, let alone anything in her life. 

She grabs a leftover vegetable stick from her dinner, looking up at Anakin as she munches on the crisp snack. His rice and meat have long grown cold. Untouched. He's been enthralled with one of the more ancient Jedi texts for the last hour and a half. 

Ahsoka knows it's ancient because he keeps having to ask Threepio for definitions of strange-sounding words. 

The padawan is tired. Her rear end has long gone numb, even in the surprisingly comfortable chairs of Senator Amidala's dining table.

Of course, Ahsoka wants to help Master Obi-Wan and appease her own master. This whole thing has been a nightmare.

And yet there's still a war raging in the galaxy that won't wait for two Jedi generals to return. Ahsoka is afraid of the way Anakin will react if they force him back to duty before Obi-Wan is well again. 

Ahsoka sighs, pushing the negative thoughts out of her mind and picking up another datapad. This one holds records of missions from the time when Master Obi-Wan was Padawan Obi-Wan. Somehow she can't picture him as a kid. Maybe they'll have a holo in here though...

She filters the mission reports for results containing Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi. A long list of files appears. She stares at it with curiosity. Bandomeer. Gala. Melida/Daan. Telos. Kegan. Ord Sigatt. The list goes on. When she first searched through these, she just looked up Phindar. Ahsoka is pretty sure she could be considered an expert on the planet at this point. She's looked at the word so much it doesn't even look real anymore. 

While she knows the research she's supposed to be doing-- Anakin tasked her with finding Master Jinn's personal report on the mission-- it couldn't hurt to let her mind rest for a moment. Ahsoka selects the records for the first result. 

_I wonder what Master Obi-Wan's first mission as a padawan was like_!

The file pulls up, much larger than that of Phindar. Mission orders and reports from Qui-Gon Jinn and the council. Travel accommodations and expenses. History and culture of Bandomeer. She's about to select Master Jinn's report to see what he said about the mission when another document catches her eye. _Service Corp Transfer Paperwork-- Kenobi._

 _What the..._ She opens the document, scanning over the page, her horror and confusion increasing with every word she reads. 

Name: Obi-Wan Kenobi

Age: 12

Current Location: Jedi Temple, Coruscant

Transfer Location: AgriCorps, Bandomeer

Reason for Transfer: Obi-Wan Kenobi is to be transferred to AgriCorp duties due to aging out of the Jedi Knight program.

Recommended Position: ploughman

AgriCorps? Aging out? Ahsoka feels like a joke is being played on her. She scans down to the bottom of the page where she sees who approved the transfer. Grandmaster Yoda. 

No, this can't be right?

She closes the transfer paperwork and opens the mission orders. 

Mission Title: Bandomeer

Jedi Assigned: Master Qui-Gon Jinn

Mission Description: Jedi assistance has been summoned in checking on the involvement of Offworld Mining in Jedi Agricultural Corp services.

It's impossibly vague. And missing any mention of Obi-Wan? There are orders to report to the _Monument_ for travel, which Ahsoka notices is the same ship they sent young Obi-Wan on, but it seems they aren't on a mission together since he isn't mentioned as "Padawan Kenobi" in the assignments. 

So she opens up the mission report, which is much more detailed than the orders. 

And her heart drops. 

"Master," she whispers, unable to peel her eyes away from what she's stumbled upon. 

"Hm?" he looks up. She suspects he notices the shock on her face because his entire attention turns toward her. "Ahsoka, what's wrong?" She finally looks at him, her breath shaky. 

"Did you know?" she says, sliding the datapad across the table. 

Ahsoka watches in real-time as her master's good mood gets obliterated. 


	9. Duel

"So this is what you meant," Obi-Wan says, pushing through the tightness in his throat. Qui-Gon sits in a lotus position before him, a tinge of transparency to his body like a holo. Obi-Wan isn't quite sure if he's just a figment of his imagination or some Force trick, but either way, he feels he needs to talk to his old master. "The war, it's ruining me." 

'Ruining you?" Qui-Gon looks like he might laugh. "It's been a long time since you've resorted to the dramatics, my padawan." 

Obi-Wan blinks in surprise. 

"Dramatics?" his anger is rising. "The galaxy is at _war,_ Qui-Gon! People are dying! We have a damn army of Mandalorian clones, what do you mean I'm being _dramatic_?" 

Around the darkened room where they sit, holos appear around them. Qui-Gon looks surprised for a moment before turning his stoicism back on. "You must calm down, padawan." 

Obi-Wan is on his feet. He points to one of the images hovering like a holovid. It's Geonosis. The second battle fought on the already war-torn planet. Obi-Wan is lying in a darkened gunship, half-covered by clones in a post-crash heap.

Most of them aren't moving. One in the back screams in agony as another man ties a tourniquet around what's left of his thigh. 

"You see those men? They didn't make it. None of them, Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan walks to the other side of the circle and points to another. Ryloth. Civilians being used as human shields-- what's left of them at least. The Separatists stripped them of their resources. Food. Water. Shelter. Many of the Twi'leks were nothing more than skin and bones, cheeks sunken and bellies swelled with malnourishment. "Sure we saved their lives, but they were suffering. I had to look these people in the eyes and say we got there as soon as we could." Obi-Wan looks back at his master, his anger fading into guilt. "They thanked me. From saving them from a war that the Jedi took part in starting."

"You cannot dwell on what might have been, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon says, slowly standing. Obi-Wan wishes he would have stayed seated. Now at his full height, he feels like a child once again. 

"I'm not _dwelling_ , I'm waking up," he says bitterly, turning away from the dead Jedi. 

A moment passes and then there are hands on his shoulders. "Obi-Wan, you have much to process. You've experienced nearly two years of war in the span of a few hours. It's much to meditate on." 

"That's what I'm doing!" he shakes the hands off him and turns to look into the blue-gray eyes of his master. "What do you think this is, a damn tea party?" 

"Well, it _would_ be much more pleasant if there were tea." 

"Jokes?" he looks at him incredulously. "Now?"

"I do believe it is you who summoned me here, padawan. Our clashing is only a testament of the battle going on in your own mind." 

Obi-Wan crosses his arms over his chest. "I just don't understand how things have gotten so bad. How I can sit in bed and hear these people tell me how I'm a "stand-up Jedi", or a "skilled negotiator" and "wise high general" when I'm falling apart." Tears are brimming in his eyes. "Do they not see it? Feel it? I can't be the only one affected so strongly by this. There are fucking _children_ fighting on the front lines!" 

Qui-Gon looks around at the memories still floating about. Obi-Wan just stares at him, his chest rising and falling rapidly as the tears begin to stream down his cheeks. After a long few moments, his master turns his attention back toward him. 

"So what is your plan? Walk away? Give in to your emotions?" 

Honestly, he hadn't really thought about what to actually do about the situation. 

"I could." 

"You shouldn't." 

Qui-Gon walks over to a memory of a snowy scene. "On Orto Plutonia you brought peace between the Talz and the Pantorans. You saw the Talz as creatures of the Force, same as us, and not savages as believed." He gestures to another. "On Florrum you found allies and formed respect with the most disrespectful sentiments in the galaxy." 

"I do believe the pirates kidnapped Anakin and me, Qui-Gon." 

"But you showed them mercy anyway. You didn't even think about taking some sort of revenge. Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon strides over to him, looking at him with a small smile. "You are only seeing the worst. Yes, the Clone Wars are awful, and it's greatly possible we will look back at them when they're over and have regrets. And you've seen some things that are traumatic and life-changing. But don't act like you aren't an excellent general or a wise Jedi Master. You raised Anakin to a knight who now has a padawan of his own. You sit on the council. You _are_ saving people's lives. Bringing peace." 

"Even so, I fear for what the Jedi Order will be at the end of this." 

"Broken," he says, a faraway look in his eyes. "But not forever. The same goes for you." Qui-Gon places a comforting hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "It hurts now, but every wound heals in time. You will always have the scars but the pain will fade and be nothing but a phantom."

* * *

Anakin sits on the floor of a meditation room, datapads fanned around him.

It's the middle of the night. Ahsoka fell asleep with her head on the dining room table. He put her to bed on the couch and went back to the Temple.

After standing outside the Halls of Healing for twenty minutes, he walked away. Found a meditation room. Managed to stifle his anger enough to spare the man who can't even provide him with an explanation. 

It's an invasion of privacy, he knows, but the dirty feeling of rifling through Obi-Wan's mission notes has long left him. The only thing he feels now is shock. 

And a little betrayed. 

Obi-Wan technically never lied to him. Anakin knew Obi-Wan was chosen as Master Jinn's padawan when he was thirteen.

He didn't know Obi-Wan had already been sent off into the Agricorps and Qui-Gon only changed his mind when Obi-Wan _offered to blow himself up_ to save him.

Anakin knew Obi-Wan wasn't fond of war.

He didn't know it's because his master once left the Jedi order for a short time to fight a war. And Qui-Gon just... let him. Left him alone and even took his weapon for good measure.

Anakin knows a few of Obi-Wan's friends from the creche. 

He didn't know one of his creche-mates was seduced by the dark side and tried to kill Obi-Wan. And that Obi-Wan ended up having to kill the boy instead.

He didn't know. 

Anakin slams the datapad onto the ground, not caring that the screen shatters. No, Obi-Wan technically never lied to him. But he didn't tell him either. All those times he asked about his master's days a padawan and he got none of this. 

"Skywalker," A voice that Anakin knows all too well rings out behind him. He doesn't have to turn around to know the demanding tone of Mace Windu... but he does so anyways so to not get a lecture on respect. "What in the blazes are you doing?"

Anakin looks at the tiny pieces of broken transperisteel scattered across the floor in front of him and the slew of datapads that he definitely isn't supposed to still have checked out at this hour. It doesn't exactly look good.

"Research, Master Windu... for Master Obi-Wan." 

At his master's name, Windu's hardened expression wavers. "I see. And what did you find?" 

"Not much."

Windu crosses his arms. "Enough for you to deface Temple property." Anakin looks down at his lap. To his surprise, he hears footsteps come closer, and then Windu sits across from him. He reaches out and picks up one of the datapads, taking one glance at the opened files before setting it down. "He was a good youngling. Best fighter of his class, but he had a temper."

Anakin's gaze snaps up, staring at the master of the order brushing broken pieces of transperisteel into a small pile. 

"Master Yoda knew the Force had a path for Obi-Wan. He was meant to be Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan whether Jinn was willing to admit it or not." 

"So what, you sent him to Bandomeer to waste his skills on plowing fields? Get kidnapped and made a _slave_?"

Windu grimaces, shaking his head. "Skywalker, the will of the Force doesn't always make sense. It isn't always fair. But what happened is the past. Master Jinn accepted Obi-Wan. Kenobi found his path." 

"So I guess that's how you justified Melida/Daan, too?"

"Kenobi made a choice to stay and fight their war. But he returned in the end and we accepted him back."

"That isn't the point, Master, Qui-Gon left him!" Anger starts tainting Anakin's mood. He squeezes his fingernails into his palms. "He was a child! You let him stay there!" 

"Accepting the past is not the same as approving of it, Skywalker!" Windu says, his voice rising from his previously even tone. "Obi-Wan had a hard apprenticeship. Harder than anyone on the council thought appropriate, and because of him, _many_ changes have been made to the rules to prevent things like Melida/Daan from happening again." Windu's voice drops back down as he searches Anakin's face. "Mind your anger, Skywalker."

"Why do you think I'm here," Anakin scoffs, gesturing to the meditation room before his eyes widening. "Excuse me, Master, I've gotten little sleep. That was inappropriate." 

To his surprise, Windu smiles. "Obi-Wan has told me you prefer to partake in more active meditations." He raises an eyebrow. "Care to spar?" 

* * *

It's a strange juxtaposition of a moment so soft in a world that is nothing near. Somehow with his back against the cool, hard wall of the cave and his body covered in grime, Obi-Wan feels a lightness in his heart and a strange level of comfort despite his numb posterior. 

He can feel someone approaching the mouth of the cave. A bright presence that feels like a warm blanket through the Force. She enters with an armful of sticks and logs, her blonde hair falling loosely from the bun she attempted to secure at the nape of her neck, and a pissed-off expression. 

"I can't believe you broke your ankle." she huffs, dropping the logs in front of him. Her tone is posh and proper, sounding out of place coming from the young woman clad in a raggedy set of common robes.

"It's _sprained_ and you act like getting bulldozed by a gundark was _my_ fault." 

"Well, you are a Jedi..."

"Are you serious--I was _pushing you out of the way_ , Satine!"

Her intense blue gaze falls directly on him. "So you're saying it's _my_ fault?" 

Obi-Wan has the urge to tear out his hair. This woman drives him crazy. He presses his lips together, smoothing out the pieces of hair that have clumped together. "It was... no... It was obviously the gundark's fault." 

The intensity fades and she just raises an eyebrow, smirking slightly. "You can't blame an animal." 

"I don't see why I can't, he started it."

"Based on the state of your ankle, I'd say he finished it too." 

He's reminded of the sharp throbbing in his leg, wincing. "Better me, than you, my dear." 

Satine's face falls. She looks down at the small pile of wood and sighs. "We should get this fire going before nightfall." 

"Right. I can--"

'You can stay right there and not aggravate that further. I'm going to need you as healed as possible if that gundark decides to seek out round two." Satine stands, rifling through the backpack for a fire starter. Obi-Wan watches her closely, taking in her slender form occasionally peaking through the baggy robes. When they met she wore a lovely dress of royal blue hues and an extravagant headdress. Her face was powdered and made up in such a way he could hardly believe she was a year his junior-- she exuded the poise of someone much older, not to mention she's in line to inherit the throne of Mandalore. 

But now she is practically a fugitive. Her robes are almost as plain as his Jedi ones. Qui-Gon is somewhere trying to negotiate her safety while they jump from system to system trying to keep away from the assassins.

It's been months with no reprise. 

"I sent word to Qui-Gon. He believes this may be over soon. They're making leeway, he says." Obi-Wan says, trying to fill the cave with something other than the tension that often fills the rooms Obi-Wan and Satine occupy at the same time. 

"He said that three weeks ago." 

"He said they're making progress, not that it would be over soon. This is good, Satine."

She looks at him, big blue eyes swirling with a surprising lack of enthusiasm at the notion of returning to her home and rule. 

"Yes, of course. Good." 

His eyes narrow as the fire starts, illuminating the cave with a soft glow. "Well don't you sound thrilled. I'd think you'd be quite done with this life on the run we've been living." 

Satine brushes off her hands and stands, approaching Obi-Wan. She wordlessly drops to the ground in front of him, sitting back on her feet. 

"Let me see your ankle." 

"Wow, what a clever diversion." he quips. She rolls her eyes, carefully removing his boot and lifting the hem of his pants to reveal the swollen joint below. She hovers her hand just above his bruised skin, frowning as she pulls her hand away. Satine reaches into the backpack and pulls out a medkit. 

Obi-Wan shakes his head. "Absolutely not." 

"Don't do this, Obi." 

"I'll be fine." 

"You're so stubborn," she huffs, taking out a bacta patch.

"That's our last one, I won't waste it on me." 

"You need it." 

"I need to meditate and I'll be okay." 

"Obi--"

"Satine." 

They hold each other's stares. If he didn't know better he'd swear the air became thinner. Finally, she sighs, dropping her hands in her lap. 

"Thank y--"

Before he can finish Satine tears the back off the patch and drops the seal to the ground. Obi-Wan stares at her, mouth agape. 

"So what will it be? Allow our last bacta to go to waste or will you let me wrap your ankle." 

Once his ankle is wrapped Satine throws him a ration bar and they sit side by side, her bent knee making tedious contact with his thigh. They are silent for a long time, only the crackle of the fire and the sound of chewing echo through the cave. 

"I want to return home," Satine suddenly says softly. "But..." she looks at Obi-Wan, her fierceness melting away. He gives her a knowing look, dropping his hand from his lap to the cave floor.

"Why Alderaan?" 

"I don't know. But I've always wanted to visit. Seems like somewhere I'd like." 

"Why do you imagine living there?" 

"If I lived on Alderaan, I wouldn't be living at the Jedi Temple. I'd just be a guy. Probably applying to University this year. I wonder what I'd study." 

"Literature History."

"Hm. Possibly."

Satine chuckles. "I'm afraid you don't live on Alderaan, my dear. You're a Jedi." 

"And you're the Duchess of Mandalore." 

_But here, we're neither_. He thinks, taking a deep breath. He looks down at his hand and finds hers resting over his, her fingers making their way to weaving between his. All discomfort of the cave floor or his throbbing ankle disappear as her lips lightly touch his jaw. All thoughts of duty and codes melt away for just a moment. Just a moment is all he needs. 

His comlink beeps. Qui-Gon. Their hands tear apart like the Jedi just walked into the cave itself. 

Just a moment is all he has. 

Obi-Wan opens his eyes. He wakes less violently than he has the last few times. This time it's like he's lulled from unconsciousness. It's a pleasant change. 

He rolls over, and beside him sits a woman about his age. She wears a purple and blue dress and a headband across her forehead. Her light blue eyes examine him carefully, squinting as she smiles softly upon realizing he's awake. 

"Satine," Obi-Wan rasps. She hands him a glass of water. 

"Have a good nap?" 

"I dreamed about you." 

"Was it a good dream?" 

He raises an eyebrow. "You were mad at me... for spraining my ankle." 

Satine chuckles, her smile growing. "Ah, of course. The day we ran out of bacta." 

"So it actually happened?" 

She nods. "I forgot about that night. I suppose your mind filled in the blanks that I missed earlier." 

His morning had been occupied by the Duchess going through their... history together. Tales of being on the run together as teenagers that brought much-needed relief to the heavy things that Obi-Wan has been facing the last few days. She spoke fondly of their adventures despite the implications of being hunted by assassins, and Obi-Wan knows there is much being left unsaid-- _things that have probably never been said_ , he thinks. 

What he does know is that from the moment Satine entered his room with a steaming cup of tea and a bag of Mandalorian pastries (she told him they are his favorites), he recognized her as someone he loves dearly. Though his mind couldn't place their time together before she helped him remember, he couldn't mistake the pounding in his chest and his clammy palms. 

While it's lovely to feel the surge of energy that comes with love, his enthusiasm is dimmed by the knowledge that their love has not been cultivated. She is the ruler of Mandalore and entrusted by numerous other neutral systems. He's a Jedi who isn't permitted the attachment of a significant other. 

She can see his mood falter, placing a delicate hand over his. For a moment, he's back in that cave. "What is it, Obi?" 

He wants to tell her that her memory is the only thing that's brought him joy in the last few days. That looking back at everything before him he wonders why they chose to be apart. That he's tired. 

But he says nothing. For a very long time. Long enough that his fingertips feel cold from being intertwined with Satine's for so long. She just sits there with him. 

Peace spreads through him. 

"What do you think of the war, Satine?" 

She blinks, confusion and disbelief invading her features. "You're asking _me?_ About _war_? Did we not have that whole reminiscence about Pre Vizla's attacks against me?" 

"Yes, I recall I did most of the heavy lifting."

_"I recall_ saving you from getting crushed--"

"Yes, right, how could I forget my life flashing before my eyes." Satine rolls her eyes. Obi-Wan gets back on track. "And I also see the bias in asking a self-proclaimed pacifist about her stance of war, but I still want to hear your opinion." 

She sits back, her hands slipping from his as she brushes pieces of her hair back into the headpiece. Her expression is difficult to read, more neutral than he would have expected from a woman who clearly isn't afraid to voice her opinions-- especially to him. 

"I just want peace in the galaxy," she says softly, her light blue eyes meeting his after a moment of thought. "And I know you. I know it's what you want, too." 

"You've fostered this world of non-violence in the most historically militant system in the galaxy. If Mandalore can do it, why can't the Republic?" 

She laughs sadly. "But you see, Mandalore is not the Republic. Believe me, I despise the war and want nothing to do with it, but I'm also not naïve. We fix things the way we know how." 

"But the Jedi--"

"Look at us," she reaches out and places her hand on his once again. "I'm a politician. A ruler. I was raised to negotiate peace treaties between my dolls. You were raised to fight with a lightsaber. Peacekeepers you are, but you can't deny the Jedi are warriors, Obi-Wan." 

Obi-Wan thinks back to all that has happened in the last couple of weeks. How he fought Ventress and Maul on pure instinct. His immediate reflex to protect his Lubang hosts using deadly force. He's been running from it ever since he stepped foot on the warship, but hearing the words come from Satine's mouth suddenly makes everything feel like it's clicking. 

All week he hasn't been able to shake the strange feeling he gets when he hears his name. _Obi-Wan Kenobi. Master Kenobi. General Kenobi._ Somehow it always sounded wrong. Unfamiliar. He blamed it on his memory loss but by this point, he feels like much of his past has been pieced back together. Besides the painful recent memories that still seem to be hiding away, he has successfully remembered much of who he is. 

But his name still sounded wrong. 

Until now. 

Because up until this point, he didn't _want_ to be Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan Kenobi was an angry child. A padawan with a rather traumatic upbringing. A knight out of an untimely death, and a master and general that grew numb to the galaxy around him as it crumbles. _Where can I go from here_? He had to ask himself. 

For days, his answer has been-- _nowhere._ He looked at his life laid out before him and decided it was a life he would have preferred to keep lost in the depths of his mind. Maybe that was the reason he let his memories slip away: there was nothing worth saving anyway. 

But maybe he was wrong. 

Satine reminded him of something. Between the horrors of his life, there are spots of light. They are brief, often distant like the stars in space, but one does not look into the night sky to gaze at the empty abyss of space-- no, one counts the stars, tracing shapes between their dotted, random patterns. Sure, the inky blackness threatens to swallow them whole at times, but light always shines through. 

Satine made Obi-Wan realize that he must look at his constellation of happiness rather than the undertones of sorrow. 

* * *

Sweat pours down Anakin's temple as Master Windu twists into another complex maneuver that nearly causes the knight to lose his balance. _Blast form seven, I really shoulda paid better attention during that lesson..._

"Concentrate, Skywalker, clear your mind," Windu says, his voice even and seemingly unexerted by their sparring. _Show off_. 

Unfortunately, Anakin is finding it difficult to clear his mind, and his sloppy dueling is giving it away. His head is filled with the fresh images of his young master going through an apprenticeship that is entirely foreign to Anakin. 

Simply put, he's pissed. A little hurt. 

Okay, maybe a lot hurt. Why would Obi-Wan _keep this from him?_

"Did you ever consider," Windu starts saying as they part to opposite ends of the mat in a momentary lull. "why Master Kenobi might not have told you of his past?" 

"Because he doesn't like to talk about himself," Anakin answers with slightly more sass than he thinks Master Windu would appreciate. Thankfully, the corner of the councilor's mouth upturns in amusement.

"Well, you're not wrong. But beyond that." 

They go at one another in another burst of rapid strikes. Anakin is on the defense... again. As a master of Soresu, Obi-Wan has made him do enough _katas_ of this over the years, but Anakin is not used to actually having to perform such maneuvers. 

They finally fall into a rhythm and Anakin thinks about the things he found. The horror he felt reading them. The second-hand resentment of the council and even Qui-Gon at times-- _but Obi-Wan only speaks highly of the council and his master._

It hits Anakin like a slap in the face. If Anakin had the same experience as Obi-Wan as a padawan, he isn't sure he'd have lasted. He would have hated the Jedi for what they did to him. Hated his master for abandoning him and making him doubt himself. 

Anakin's eyes suddenly widen. Windu raises a brow, and then the young knight strikes. He pushes back against the councilor's aggressive attacks, forcing him into his own defense from the blurred speed of his blue saber until Windu takes a staggering step back. Anakin swings his saber until makes contact with Windu's purple blade. They place pressure against one another, but Anakin manages to have a slightly better position. He twists, and he has the upper hand. 

"I yield," Anakin says. He steps back, quickly bowing respectfully and deactivating his saber. He's nearly out the door before Windu can gain his bearings. 

"You were winning," Windu calls after him, a sly smile on his face. 


	10. Promises

The lights in the Halls of Healing are dimmed when he enters. It definitely isn't visiting hours anymore and Anakin is most certainly going to get chewed out by Master Che for this, but he needs to see Obi-Wan.

It's been nearly two days since he last visited. He didn't feel guilty about it until now, standing outside his master's door. 

Anakin opens the door before he can think too much, surprised to find the light still on and Obi-Wan sitting up in his bed. 

He looks much better. If anything, he looks back to normal now. Just bored. There's a datapad in his lap that he seems to have put down at the onset of Anakin's arrival. Someone must have brought him some of his robes because he's in his usual sleep shirt and pants instead of the standard Hall's patient scrubs. Even his beard has been trimmed, though his hair is still long and slightly falling down into his face.

"Anakin, hello." he smiles, his face lightening considerably. "It feels like it's been days since I've seen you." 

Anakin knows Obi-Wan doesn't mean to make him feel bad, but he cringes. The guilt again. He walks into the room, noticing a recliner has probably been taken from one of the mind healer suites. A considerable upgrade from his sleeping arrangements a few nights ago.

"Sorry master, I got caught up with some things." 

Obi-Wan smiles. "I've practically had a new visitor every hour, so my days have been filled to the brim as well." 

"Have your visits helped?" 

Obi-Wan's smile falters, but he recovers quickly-- it still brings up a few questions for Anakin. "Yes, I do believe I've recalled most of the important points of my past. They're discussing putting me back into the field in non-battle positions." 

It's more than Anakin expected. Master Che must have been busy.

"So they don't have to do the memory recall on you?" 

A pause. Obi-Wan frowns. "Well, no, I suppose not. 

"That's great news, Master, why do you seem upset about it." 

"It's just..." Obi-Wan sighs, looking away from Anakin to stare off into space. 

"What are you missing?" 

"Whatever happened to me," he mutters. The memory that his mind is set on blocking. 

"Just that one?" Obi-Wan shrugs in response. His chipper mood has suddenly disappeared. "How important is it really--"

"Wouldn't you want to know?" Obi-Wan looks back at him again, frustration evident in his sharp exhale and slanted eyes. "Everyone keeps saying that to me. _How important_? I lost nearly thirty-six hours that managed to temporarily erase _all_ of my life." 

Anakin finally sits down in the recliner. It's not often Obi-Wan loses his chill and Anakin is fairly sure his master remembers that part of his personality now... so he really must be frustrated. The only time Obi-Wan gets worked up like this is... well when he's mad at him. 

"Master I did a lot of research on these things. Sometimes really traumatic things can cause extreme memory loss. Remembering it could... it could be painful. Are you sure you want to go through it again if your mind clearly doesn't want you to see it?" He's not sure how he expected Obi-Wan to react, but _laughing_ was not one of the possibilities he considered. He laughs like he did when the Temple barber forgot to put a blade guard on his razor and accidentally cut Anakin's hair down to a tight buzz. Like when Ahsoka gets the final word in an argument. It's amusement. Almost mocking. "I didn't realize I was telling a joke, what are you laughing at?" 

"Oh nothing, I'm just humored by the irony." 

"The irony of--"

"Pain. In the memory I'm missing," he scoffs. "How much worse can it get? Can it all get?" 

Cynical Obi-Wan. He usually gets like this when he hasn't slept in over 45 hours. Anakin is guessing he's had his full eight hours of Halls of Healing standard sleep, so that can't be the case.

"Master are... are you okay?" 

He blinks a few times, his riled up behavior settling down as he seems to realize what he's ranting about. He gives Anakin a weak smile. "Apologies. This week has been... difficult to say the least. I have much to meditate on, I believe." Obi-Wan's face brightens slightly. "Did you find anything out about Phindar?" 

Everything rushes back to him. His entire purpose for even digging through Obi-Wan's past in the first place. "I found out... a lot of stuff." 

"Such as?" 

"I have some questions first," Anakin says, a bit of bitterness slipping through his tone. Obi-Wan looks slightly taken aback but he nods in agreement. "Bandomeer." 

"Bandomeer?" Obi-Wan looks surprised. "Is that your question?" 

"Yes." 

"A word isn't exactly a question, Anakin." 

He clenches his jaw. _Calm. Let him talk._ "What do you remember about Bandomeer, Master?"

Obi-Wan's face falls slightly. "I was a youngling, not chosen to be a padawan. I was assigned to the Agricorps on Bandomeer where I happened to run into Master Jinn. He was impressed by my skills and took me as his padawan." 

"You never told me you aged out." 

Obi-Wan shrugs. "It wasn't for long. I don't quite remember much of the specifics, either, so it must have just been a fluke."

"So you don't remember being a slave?" Anakin's voice rises from his initial calm tone. "Or threatening to blow yourself up?" 

His master looks startled... and then a little angry. "I thought you told me I didn't tell you about Bandomeer." 

"You didn't. I found your padawan records." 

"You looked through my mission reports?" 

"I was looking for information on Phindar-- _another_ thing you never told me about, I might add-- and found some other _interesting_ lost adventures of Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"Anakin, you had no right--"

"You know, I was really angry for a while." Anakin interrupts him, taking a deep breath to center himself once again. 

"And this _isn't_ angry?"

"I said _really_ angry, I've downgraded since then because I realized something." 

"And what would that be?" Obi-Wan asks, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. 

Anakin leans forward, the words he's been rehearsing in his head the entire way down here repeating over and over through his mind. "You blame yourself." 

A pause. A long pause. And then Obi-Wan's face twists in confusion and outrage. "Excuse me?" 

"Master, I read your file. Qui-Gon rejected you. _More than once_. He left you to fight a war when you were just a kid and the council didn't come to get you! You almost lost your memory. You and another padawan basically got kidnapped. An initiate tried to kill Master Yoda and then you had to kill him and then had to go on trial because his family didn't want to realize their son was an evil dark-side dud. Honestly, your apprenticeship sucked _."_

"Just because you think--"

"I _know_ you, Master, okay? You had every right to be mad at Qui-Gon and the council, and hell, the entire order if you wanted to and it would be more than justified. But you aren't. And you didn't tell me about it, and I was mad until I realized it's because you still feel like _you're_ responsible for all the bad things that happened when you were a padawan." Anakin can see Obi-Wan's defensiveness vanish and turn into shock, but he can't stop now. The words are flowing out of him with no way of plugging them. "You blame yourself for not getting chosen even though you did everything right. You blame yourself for leaving the order when you made the right decision and Qui-Gon was the one who left _you_. It's like how you never tell anyone when you're hurt because you don't want the attention. You think it's your fault for getting in the way of a blaster shot or doing something reckless even--"

"Anakin--"

"--even though that's ridiculous! We're in a war, blaster shots happen. And just like one day you're going to get actually hurt if you keep avoiding the med bay, this is what will happen if you keep blaming yourself for all your bad padawan stuff! All the pent up stuff makes your memory gets messed up."

"Ana--"

"I'm right," he says. "I know I am. _You_ are the one putting the block on your memory. Master, can't you see, on Phindar you used the Force to protect your memories and you're doing it again, but you just don't realize it because it's your subconscious doing it! " 

Silence falls between them. Obi-Wan's chest rises and falls rapidly, his eyes wide enough that Anakin can see the whites all the way around his blue irises.

"I think you should go, Anakin," Obi-Wan says softly. 

"What?" he says, the high of revealing his revelations falling rapidly. "B-but master,"

"Go, Skywalker," he says, his voice louder this time, but there is the unmistakable crack of his tone from the back of his throat. Anakin jumps to his feet, startled enough by Obi-Wan's use of his last name. He quickly walks to the door, looking back as he opens it. Obi-Wan's head is bowed, his hand stroking his chin as he looks away from Anakin. 

Through the Force, he feels nothing.

* * *

The council meeting is later than they usually hold them, but Vokara is grateful for their accommodations. Her schedule is always tight with this war raging on, so it can be difficult to get away even for a meeting.

The night feels strange though. The Force is restless, and it's making her nervous. She hopes this will be brief. 

The council members sit in an arc before her-- well some of them. Adi Gallia, Ki Adi Mundi, Shaak Ti, Plo Koon, and Kit Fisto appear as holograms. They're off in various corners of the galaxy, the exhaustion of war evident on all of their transparent faces. Her eyes shift to the chair left empty of sentient and hologram.

Obi-Wan's chair. 

Though his presence will not be with them, he will be the subject of the meeting. While usually Vokara is wary of discussing patient information to more than who her patient designates, this is a little different. 

"An update you have?" Grandmaster Yoda asks, his ears perking up as the rest of the council members quiet down. 

"Yes, Masters, thankfully Master Kenobi has shown great recovery through simple memory probes. We estimate he recognized most of the childhood memories after the age of eight, and he was able to recall memories with simple reminders from late in his apprenticeship." 

"And his most recent memories? The war?" Windu asks. Vokara nods. 

"Marshall Commander Cody went through all of the mission reports. Cody said he was... affected by the memories," she grimaces, folding her hands in front of her. "but he could identify details about each battle that Cody had not mentioned in the report." 

"Find the reason for his loss, did we?" 

"Unfortunately, there is much we don't know about the time between him leaving his gunship and waking up on Lubang Minor. I recommend he see a mind healer." 

She can feel a slight wave of displeasure come from a few of the council members. She's _recommended_ to many of them to do the same. But do they do it? The most stubborn Jedi are the council members.

"Can he be cleared for duty?" Mace asks. The Jedi Healer looks at him with wide eyes, not bothering to hide her awe. 

"Clear him?"

"In your last report, you stated he was physically healthy."

"Yes, _physically_ , but--"

"Can Master Kenobi engage in his mind healing appointments while in circulation?" 

Vokara stares at Windu. He displays a stoic, unforgiving face but she can see the uncertainty in his eyes. She's known him long enough to read his face. He's asking this question not because he doesn't care for Master Kenobi's health, but because he _has_ to. 

It's something she doesn't think she'll ever understand. A part of her is okay with that. Vokara doesn't see the war for what it is. Just the pieces that get sent to her. Those pieces are bad enough. She doesn't want to know the things that caused them to shatter. 

"Grant him a week. Let him establish with a mind healer and see if we can recover anything else of importance. After that... I will discharge him if he passes his physical and mental exams." 

The council hums in agreement and content. Vokara isn't sure she can voice the same sentiments, but she knows the drill. 

Her comlink beeps, and she glances up at Master Yoda. 

"More to report?" 

"No, grandmaster, that is my update on Master Kenobi for now." 

He nods, and she bows to the others, stepping to the outskirts of the room. The council members begin to chat amongst themselves and Vokara answers the com. It's from one of the padawan healers. Her holo pops up, the eyes of a padawan healer wide with fear. Immediately, she is on alert. 

"What's wrong, padawan?" 

"It's... it's Master Kenobi." 

Vokara doesn't wait to hear what comes next. She hangs up the comlink and starts to run.

* * *

Ahsoka is the first to arrive at the Halls of Healing. She's clad in her night pants and a sweater, her fingers twitching over her lightsabers as she enters. The lights are on full blast and a few healers are talking quietly behind the check-in desk. 

Ahsoka walks up to them. "What's going on, I got a com to come here." 

A Mon Calamari healer looks up, recognition flashing in her bulbous eyes. "You're Ahsoka. Skywalker's padawan." 

Ahsoka has never met this healer in her life, but she nods. The healer smiles. "Obi-Wan told me a lot about you," she says, her face falling slightly at the mention of Master Kenobi's name. 

"Oh," Ahsoka says, shifting uncomfortably. She wishes she could say she knows who of Master Obi-Wan's friends this is, but... Ahsoka isn't sure she knows the names of any of his friends. She'd never thought of Master Kenobi having friends from when he was a padawan before... 

Luckily, the doors flying open save her from having to admit anything. Ahsoka feels her master through the Force before she sees him. _Anger, worry, frustration_ swirl around him like an inky cocktail. His eyes meet hers and he seems to realize he's projecting because suddenly the overwhelming feeling of emotion vanishes.

Master Skywalker looks like he just rolled out of bed-- at this time of night, it's not a bad guess. His hair is tangled and sticking up in every direction and his robes are haphazardly thrown on. She checked his room before she left their quarters and it was vacant so she assumed he got the commlink first... but maybe she just missed him. 

"Ahsoka," Anakin says, striding up to her and the Mon Calamari Healer. "Master Eerin, what's going on?" 

The healer glances at the closed door of Obi-Wan's room. "Go on in," 

Anakin looks at Ahsoka and they quickly go to the room. As the door opens the sound of disagreement fills the air. 

Master Che, Master Windu, and Master Yoda stand in the room in front of the bed. Ahsoka can see from a quick glance that Master Windu is displeased and Master Che looks concerned and frustrated. 

Master Yoda is a little too hard to read, in her opinion, but if she had to guess she'd say he is somewhere between the two. 

"--but where would he even--" Master Windu stops midsentence, realizing their presence. "Skywalker, Tano. Good." Though he says _good_ , his tone seems more accusatory. 

"What's going on?" Anakin asks, glancing around the room. She feels a tightening between their bond, like a jab to the side through the Force. Ahsoka also does a scan of the room and the realization hits her just as Anakin asks, "Where's Obi-Wan?" 

In Master Obi-Wan's room is Master Che, Master Windu, and Master Yoda. But Master Obi-Wan is nowhere to be found. The bed is made perfectly, corners tucked neatly and the blankets wrinkleless. His boots that were resting by the end of his bed are gone as well. 

"What did you say to him?" Windu asks, his gaze narrowing at Anakin. 

"Say to him? Where is he?" 

"Not here, that's for sure." 

"Don't tell me you lost--" Anakin stops, taking a quick deep breath. "Master Windu, I spoke to him this evening, he seemed in good spirits when I came in." 

"And when you left?" Vokara cutting in and, raising an eyebrow.

Ahsoka looks at her master and can tell he's holding back something. 

"I--I can't say, he asked me to leave, though." 

_Asked him to leave?_ _What could he have possibly said to make Master Obi-Wan kick him out?_ Ahsoka resists the urge to cover her eyes with her palm. Windu and Master Che sigh in shared frustration. 

"Master Kenobi was here during the vital check two hours ago. Master Eerin said he was more talkative than usual for before bedtime. When one of the padawans came to do her checks, he was gone."

"How did he get out without anyone seeing him?" Ahsoka asks.

"We have a shift change right after the nighttime check. And technically patients are free to come and go unless ordered otherwise."

"So could Master Kenobi just be meditating somewhere? Or gone for a snack?" 

"We checked the usual spots but..." Master Che glances at Master Windu and Yoda. 

"One of the temple ships was taken without prior orders," Windu says. "We got word it contracted a hyperspace ring. Council override code."

Silence falls over the room. Ahsoka can feel the tension between all the masters. Once again, Master Kenobi is gone. There was a reason the first time, but what could it be now?

Next to her, Master Skywalker suddenly gasps softly, looking between the council members and master healer. "I think I know where he's going." 

* * *

Obi-Wan hovers above Coruscant in the small fighter. The bright orange glow of the city below illuminates the buttons as he punches in hyperspace codes. 

Space isn't as he remembered it. Somehow the darkness of the endless expanse of stars and planets brings a pit to his stomach that he doesn't recall feeling before. How many times has he stared into the same vacuum? How many stars has he passed by without a second thought? 

_Maybe it's the guilt,_ he thinks to himself. _You're leaving, once again, without telling anyone_. _You must remember how well that turned out last time._

_This is different, though. This is fixing last time._

The ship jolts forward. Stars and planets blur into streaks of light as the fighter accelerates into open space. 

He thinks of Satine. She left that evening, back to Mandalore with a gaze that lingered far too long and a light kiss to the temple as a goodbye. 

He thinks of Commander Cody. The messages he and the men of the 212th have been sending him the past few days. Holovids of each clone along with their names and a few things about them to help jog his memory. He wanted to make sure he knew them all but the more clones he found himself looking at the more he thought of the ones he didn't see. Their names jumped out at him in the death reports he had to read the night before. By the nature of clone soldiers, he also could see all their faces staring back at him, light brown eyes devoid of life. 

He thinks of Anakin. Obi-Wan expected much more from his visit. He was excited to tell him about the things he remembered. The memories of Anakin as a young padawan. The humorous moments they could both laugh about. Obi-Wan could see there was a chasm between them for some reason. A disconnect he desired to fill in some way. He hoped his old padawan's unannounced visit would be that moment. 

Rather, he ended up turning the knight away. Obi-Wan isn't sure if it is the fault of Anakin or himself for deepening that chasm. 

_You blame yourself_. 

It hurt because from the moment Anakin said it, he recognized it to be true. He didn't need an explanation, though his very perceptive padawan gave him one that cut him to the bone. It hurt because he still believes he's to blame. _He_ left Qui-Gon for Melida/Daan. _He_ gave in to his anger. _He_ didn't deserve to be chosen by a master. Not while at the Temple, at least. Obi-Wan knew he had some growing to do, and going to Bandomeer made him a better Jedi. It showed him disciple and selflessness. It made him the padawan Qui-Gon deserved. 

And he messed up. A lot. He's not a perfect Jedi and he never was. Obi-Wan had no place in blaming anyone else for his choices. He chose to fight Bruck Chun. He was unable to save him. He chose to defy the code.

The fact Satine was in the Jedi Temple holding his hand nearly gave him a panic attack born of guilt. 

_Yes, I blame myself. Because I am to blame._

He should have explained that to Anakin. Told him the truths of the situations, but instead, he sent him away. 

_Very good, Obi-Wan, send him away after he showed it made him upset. Great choice._

Obi-Wan squeezes the steering mechanism until his knuckles go white. 

He thinks of Marri. He has much to tell her about the Force. He made a promise and he _will_ fulfill it. 


	11. Unrepressed

Somewhere between his old creche-mates and masters telling him of his youth and Commander Cody explaining the war, the line between remembrance and vague familiarity blurred. Sometimes he just nodded along with them, learning that widening his eyes and making verbal expressions of _oooh_ and _ahhh_ would create the appearance of recognition that made his story-tellers smile with satisfaction in their duty. 

They mean well. He's happy to oblige them in the comfort of feeling needed.

But somewhere between Satine holding his hands while describing the taste of stale rations and Ahsoka demonstrating katas as some sort of matching game he just grew tired. The accounts of his friends and colleagues blurred together and morphed into a labyrinth of a dreamscape. Most of their words were only stories, and often it truly felt like fiction to him. Could Obi-Wan tell Master Che a detailed timeline of his childhood, padawan years, and time as a knight and eventual master? Absolutely. But does he remember? Or have the details of his life turned into trivia? 

There are exceptions, of course. The moments that appear brighter in his mind. Holovids that play faster than his friends can speak of them, and he spoils the ending for himself. 

These feel _real_. Pieces of his life that fit into the puzzle in his mind without shaving any of the edges. 

So that's what he's chasing now. One last moment of clarity before he accepts the life before him.

His ship touches down on the jungle planet. The reds and greens and purples of the native Raydonian flora seem to glow in the low light of the setting sun. The ship powers down and Obi-Wan takes a deep breath. He's landed in the same place at around the same time of day. 

The cargo hold opens with a hiss and the humid air hits him like a brick wall. Obi-Wan walks down the ramp, the beginning moments from that blasted memory he couldn't quite finish start to play in real-time. 

There's no cargo ship. No darkness lurking. But there doesn't seem to need to be. He can still feel the tightness in his chest. The horrible feeling that something bad is going to happen. 

He slips off his cloak and unclips his lightsaber from his belt. For a moment he stands, just staring at the weapon as he did weeks ago. Then he longed for the comfort of his Master's weapons, but now as he looks at his saber he sees it not as a blatant attempt to distance himself from the death of Qui-Gon, but the beginning of Obi-Wan Kenobi. For so long he was Qui-Gon's padawan. Jinn's former padawan.

The Sith Killer. 

Things are different now. He's no more the boy he once was.

He clips the lightsaber back to his belt and takes the next step.

* * *

"Are we going down there, Master?" Ahsoka asks, glancing at Anakin who has unexpectedly put the ship into idle orbit. He leans back in his seat, putting his hands behind his head.

"Not yet, Snips. Let's give him a minute." 

She looks at her master like he's crazy. He sounds crazy. Master Obi-Wan is down there-- where he got attacked by two dark Force users just a few weeks prior, she might remind him-- doing Force-knows-what and he wants to wait? 

"Why?" 

He stares down at the planet instead of looking at her. His gaze is far away, but she spots the corner of his mouth twitch upward like he knows the answer to a question and is waiting to blurt it out.

"He needs this. And if it were me, he would let me go, too." 

* * *

**_two weeks ago_ **

"They're here." 

Obi-Wan lets her know he will meet her and takes off low to the trees. His heart is beating rapidly in his chest as he lands his ship down on the other side of the village Ventress told him they landed near. 

He takes a deep breath and descends down the ramp of his ship. 

The first thing he sees when he reaches the outdoors is a large supply ship landing nearby. While it is unlikely the occupants can see his ship with the jungle cover, he can see it. 

Darkness seems to surround the ship. 

Dust rises as the supply ship touches down, and Obi-Wan walks toward the village. With every step, he can feel the disturbance in the Force grow stronger. It nauseates him, making him feel lightheaded and panicked. 

And then the cargo hold of the ship drops. Obi-Wan spots a group of children running toward the supply ship and his blood runs cold. They were to stop them before they reached the village-- but now the village goes to them.

He breaks into a sprint, using the Force to make him run faster. As he sprints through the jungle he can hear the segmented voice of Ventress yelling at him through their open comlink, obviously pissed at his breach of their carefully cultivated plan, but he doesn't care. Obi-Wan won't watch children get torn down before him if he can help it. 

The children reach the supply ship before him, staring up at the two Dathomiran night brothers with eyes wide with fear and still by the hold of the Force.

"Kenobi." the red Zabrak says, his face surprised before it shifts to seething rage. Obi-Wan quickly scans his body, his stomach turning at the two mechanical legs that start at his hips. _It can't be..._ "How--" 

"Let the younglings free," Obi-Wan says, raising a hand of surrender away from his lightsaber. "It is me you want, is it not?" 

The yellow Zabrak looks caught off guard-- Savage, Ventress called him. He's much larger than Maul, but his body isn't proportionate to the youth of his full cheeks. He's the monster that tore apart King Katuunko and is not to be underestimated. 

"I wasn't expecting you quite so soon," he hisses, his fist tightening. Obi-Wan can feel the panic of the children scream through the Force. "You're interrupting my plans, yet again." 

"Can't have you wasting your energy on terrorizing innocent people. I'm doing you a favor, really."

Maul laughs. "You act like you hadn't considered the possibility of this setback." Maul thrusts his palm forward and the children go flying off into the distance. They crash into trees and the ground-- most certainly will have some bumps and bruises but they will keep their lives. Obi-Wan draws his saber at the moment Savage pounces, a double-edged saber that makes him nearly choke. Blue collides with red, and from his wrist, he hears Ventress yelling expletives through the comlink. 

Obi-Wan wastes a moment mesmerized by the double-bladed lightsaber. How similar it looks to the one that took his master so many years ago. Obi-Wan can nearly feel the heat of the ray shields that surrounded him back on Naboo when his moment of distraction proves to be a moment too much. Maul comes from the other side, slamming into the back of his knees with a pole and sending the Jedi to the ground. In his sudden loss of height, he's able to free himself from the pressure Savage had on his saber, causing the top-heavy Zabrak to stumble forward and send one end of his saber into the dirt. 

Before Kenobi can make any moves against either of the brothers he's struck again across the middle of his back. He grunts, twisting his body and using Savage's unbalanced form to push off in a backflip. He throws himself back at Maul, swinging his lightsaber like an ax. Any of his usual graceful Soresu moves have all but been abandoned. Maul dodges the blow, his saber not even lit yet. 

Frustration floods Obi-Wan-- not with Maul and Savage but with himself. He's blowing it! He's being sloppy and emotional and--

"You can't beat us both, Kenobi," Maul growls. Obi-Wan can sense Savage has regained his composure and is stalking him from behind. Maul paces in front of him, and Obi-Wan finds himself in the center of a circle he does not want to be a part of. He's exposed. Unbalanced. Both the Nightbrothers are strong and he's just finished an eight standard month campaign in which he hardly slept more than four hours a night. The Force is against him, and he can feel darkness taunting him. 

And then there is hope... in an ironic form. From the treeline emerges Ventress, her gait leisurly, but her breathlessness and flushed cheeks evident of the distance she just ran to meet him. Maul turns and Obi-Wan can feel the surprise of Savage behind him. 

"What a surprise," she rolls her eyes as she comes closer. "My former servant, still an animal. And you have a _friend_ now." 

Savage grunts. "My brother." 

"A brother? Looks like he's half the man you are, Savage," Obi-Wan doesn't hide the amusement on his face. Ventress's taunts are always better when they're aimed at anyone else. "How unfortunate, I was looking for a challenge. Not some castoffs from the Nightbrother clan," she clicks her tongue, shaking her head. "What a _disappointment_."

Ventress stalks closer, her fingers twitching as they brush past her saber hilts. Her gaze remains on Savage but Obi-Wan can feel her stealing looks in his direction. She's certainly pissed at him.

"Who is this, brother?" Maul asks, glancing between the two.

"A Dathomir witch," Savage says, his voice catching with rage. "She betrayed me." 

Maul stares at Ventress and then looks at Obi-Wan. "She knows too much. Destroy her." 

By now Ventress has managed to round the circle to the side of Savage. He turns to face her, growling as he aligns himself for the attack. She just scoffs at him. Obi-Wan is pretty sure she'd brush her hair over her shoulder if she had it. Ventress grabs her sabers, inspecting them a moment before igniting them and taking her time to get into her position. 

"Are you just going to stand there?" she taunts, and then the yellow Zabrak charges at her. 

"Curious company you keep," Maul says, drawing Obi-Wan's attention back to his original foe. His weapon still remains unwielded. 

"Everyone wants to be a hero." 

"Not everyone." 

"I don't believe you've introduced yourself," Obi-Wan says, unfazed by the sound of lightsaber combat behind him. Maul raises an eyebrow, taking a short step forward. 

"I didn't think I needed an introduction," he smiles sinisterly. "You would think a padawan would remember the Sith who cut down his master before his eyes." 

The confirmation of his identity hurt more than Obi-Wan expected it to. He grits his teeth, trying to suppress the same anger that took him over the day he sliced Maul in half.

"Maul," Obi-Wan says, the name feeling like razor blades running off his tongue. 

"How does it feel?" he says, his voice even and far too neutral for Obi-Wan's liking. "How does it feel to stand before me? A Jedi Master!" His eyes run up and down his body. "How soon after your master's death did they cut that braid of yours out? Out of pity, I presume." 

Obi-Wan recalls his knighting. The dark room. The glow of Master Yoda's lightsaber as it sliced off the piece of hair. Then he laid the braid in Obi-Wan's hand and left him to be alone. There was no ceremony. No celebration. He was needed as a knight and so he became one at that moment. A new knight with a new padawan. His gift was a moment of silence and that nobody questioned him when he emerged with red eyes and puffy cheeks. 

Obi-Wan doesn't answer, which makes Maul sneer. "I see. I would guess they considered that to be your Jedi trials did they not?" 

They did. 

"And you went to the Jedi and told of your encounter with the Sith. And they praised you for your kill."

It was a long council meeting, for sure. 

"But now what, Kenobi? The Sith you "killed" lives. You failed your trials like you failed your master." 

And Obi-Wan's stomach drops. 

"What is it you want, Maul?" he says, the crack in his voice unmaskable. Maul steps forward, now only a few arms lengths away from him. 

"I want you to suffer," he growls. "Suffer as I have these many years. You stole my life from me," He now is only an arm's length away, his golden eyes boring into Obi-Wan like ray guns. "And now I will ruin yours." 

In a flash, Maul ignites his saber, and Obi-Wan jerks into a defensive move to block the aggressive slash. They battle, furiously and skillfully. Maul's deficits are obvious-- being stranded for a decade has made his raw strength questionable, but his connection to the dark side proves a problem to Obi-Wan. The strength of the Force swirls around them, darkness feeling like it's choking him out as he pushes against Maul's assault. Though Obi-Wan is one of the most skilled with a saber, he finds himself faltering. He doesn't understand it. He has more training, more strength, and yet he's getting pushed back by an angry ex-Sith with two mechanical legs. 

"Do you know what he said as my saber went through his stomach?" Maul taunts. Obi-Wan twists out of the grip and manages to get Maul onto defense for a few moves. He breathes deeply and tries to keep his center despite the obvious anxiety building at his core. 

"I suspect you're going to tell me either way," 

Obi-Wan slams his saber down against Mauls, making him bend backward to try and maintain his position. His unfazed facade slips for only a second but revitalizing the fight back into Obi-Wan enough to sustain him. He will kill Maul again if he must. 

Maul suddenly looks past Obi-Wan, his eyes locking on something and Obi-Wan remembers Ventress. He hones into the sound of faltering battle behind him. She's breathing hard, her movements becoming less like her traditional graceful acrobatics and more like the desperate attempts of a junior padawan trying to keep up with a knight. 

A smack. And the sound of a body hitting the ground. Fromt the sharp grunt Obi-Wan knows it's Ventress. 

The whirl of a lightsaber being raised. 

_Bloody_ _hell_.

Obi-Wan breaks contact with Maul, throwing himself over to Ventress to stop the red blur of Savage's lightsaber hurling toward a defenseless Asajj. He rolls, managing to slam his weight into the side of Savage's knee and knock the blade of the saber away from Ventress. She takes the chance to roll away.

But it's too late. 

The blade of a red saber hovers close enough to singe the tips of his auburn beard. 

"Anakin," Maul says, causing every one of the hairs on Obi-Wan's body to raise in alarm. 

"What did you say?" Obi-Wan says in a tone that borderline on despise. 

"That's what Jinn whispered as I delivered the killing blow. At the time..." Savage regains himself to secure Ventress with a swift hit to the temple. She crumbles to the ground unconscious. "I thought it to be your name." 

Maul goes on with whatever rant he's found himself on, but all Obi-Wan can hear is static. 

Suddenly he feels like he's twenty-five again. Standing in the council room as Qui-Gon tells the council he wants to train a nine-year-old Anakin Skywalker. Somehow he stepped up. Put on a brave face and backed up his master. Qui-Gon always had a plan. A reason. He understood the Force in an incredible way that Obi-Wan was never keen on, so he trusted his wisdom. 

Despite his brave face, he still felt his feelings. _Shock. Rejection. Dismay._

He knew Qui-Gon could feel his feelings, too. His disappointment only grew when his master chose not to even explain himself. 

He's on Naboo. Qui-Gon laying in his lap as life drains from him by the second. What did he say in his last moments? 

_Train the boy._

_Anakin._

_The Chosen One._

A sharp pain to his head. And then darkness. 

When he awakes, he's alone. It appears to be a cargo hold of a supply ship. He pulls himself off the hard ground where he's been unceremoniously thrown onto his side. His arms are shackled behind his back with energy cufflinks and his head is throbbing but he seems to be okay. 

Something within him tells him he needs to start looking for a way out. But the voice is distant. The closer voices are replaying the things Maul whispered in his ear as he passed into unconsciousness. 

_I wasn't enough_. _I was never enough. Qui-Gon didn't want me, he took pity on me._

The narrative is an old one, but one that he feels reigns true. 

_I wasn't enough. I was impatient and sarcastic. I should have been quicker._

Obi-Wan will never get the image of that saber going through his abdomen out of his mind. 

_I wasn't enough. I should have killed Maul. I failed Qui-Gon._

His chest is tight and his vision blurs as he starts to tip over again. 

_I didn't kill the Sith. I failed the Jedi Order._

He hits the ground hard. Nearby he hears a laugh. 

_I wasn't enough._

A sharp pain to his stomach. He didn't hear the footsteps approach. 

_I failed._

Another blow to his head. He sees stars. 

His inner voice is screaming at him to snap out of it. He's spiraling far and fast and it's going to get him killed. 

A sharp pain in his side. He feels a rib crack. 

The pain radiates through his body, numbing his mind for a split second, but it's all he needs. His eyes snap open. Though his vision is blurred from the probable concussion he's sustained, it's enough to see Savage standing over him and Maul to the side. 

"Again, brother." Maul orders, and Savage winds up to kick him again. Obi-Wan gathers his strength and springs to action, surprising the younger Zabrak who likely thought he was still unconscious. He throws a few punches, landing one right in his windpipe, which sends him stumbling over. Another hits him in the side of the head. Savage is unconscious before he hits the ground.

Obi-Wan faces Maul, the world slightly spinning but he tries to ignore it. 

"You feel it, don't you? The pull?" 

"It takes far more strength to deny the pull to the darkside than to give into it." 

"It gets exhausting, though, doens't it?" Maul steps forward, squared up properly for a melee fight, but seemingly relaxed. "Denying the ways in which the world have wronged you. You stick so near to the light, but what good as that brought you?" 

_A dead master. A failure of a Jedi. A war. A tempermental padawan. Loves lost to duty. Pain. So much pain._

"I'm not like you. I believe in the Force and the ways of the Jedi."

Maul smiles. "You're more like me than you think, Kenobi." 

The Zabrak throws the first punch. Obi-Wan manages to block it and returns with a strike with his elbow that catches Maul by surprise. They fight for a few moments, Maul landing a few hits on Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan managing to keep up despite the waves of nausea hitting him as his concussion takes effect. 

Then Maul hits a tender spot-- a newly fractured rib that causes Obi-Wan to involuntarily yell in agony as a hard kick rams into the swollen area. He crumbles, yet again. 

Vision fuzzy. Pain pulsating through every cell. Obi-Wan sees white and tastes metal. 

He doesn't know where Ventress is. Nobody knows he's here (if he's even still on Raydonia?). His mind is as weak as his body, and Obi-Wan can feel his distance from the Force as swirls of anxiety still plague his spinning psyche. 

"I assume you took the boy as your apprentice," Maul says, watching him carefully. Obi-Wan glances up at him through the clumps of his blood-soaked hair. 

"What?" 

"The boy. _Anakin,_ was it?" Obi-Wan doesn't answer. "You must think I'm here to kill you," 

"If this is your idea of a dinner party, I respectfully decline any future invitations." 

"This is only a prelude." Another kick to his stomach. He drops to the floor, blood dripping from his busted lip onto the floor. "Killing you isn't enough." 

The pieces come together. 

Obi-Wan feels like he's suspended in space for a moment. He can see his master dying before him. All the clones he's lost in battle. Other Jedi who have given their life in this war. Death has become routine, almost. He's watched more funeral pyres descend than he ever expected. 

But he's also seen life. Anakin becoming a knight. Ahsoka becoming his padawan and growing into her own. The clones who have become close friends. They're his moments of bliss that he holds onto. 

He uses them to find his center.

Obi-Wan presses his hands flat against the floor and raises his body from the ground. He reaches for the Force, and this time it embraces him fully in a way he's never felt before. The Force pools around him, making his battered body somehow feel whole enough to rise. 

Maul just watches as he wills himself to his feet, shakey, but his strength growing by the second. 

"I really should have aimed for your neck." Obi-Wan sighs. 

He lunges forward. 

And it's hard to tell what is even happening. It's like the Force has completely encompassed him. 

Inhabiting him as his body and mind seem to fade away. 

But he stays standing. Fighting. 

He won't let Maul go near Anakin or Ahsoka. He won't let him touch the ones he loves. 

Everything is a blur.

His lightsaber. 

He reaches out to the kyber that once called for him. 

He finds it, clipped to the side of a hunched over Maul. He reclaims his weapon, but the Force doesn't say _finish_ it says _run_. 

So he does. 

He's running through the ship. 

The durasteel floors turn to the mushy underfoot of Raydonian jungle. 

He's fading again. The blackness of unconsciousness beckons to him. 

_I am one with the Force. The Force will guide me._

And he lets go. 

He finds a ship. 

It's not his, but it'll do. He stumbles into the pilot's seat, the rational part of his brain telling him he's in _no condition_ _to be piloting a spacecraft_ , but the rational part of his brain isn't exactly in the control position at the moment. 

He's lifting off. 

He's unsure how he's gotten this far. 

Everything seems like it's moving in slow motion.

But based on the readings on the navicomputer.

He's nearly reached lightspeed. 

He grabs the commlink. 

He must contact Cody. Or Anakin. Radio for help. 

The navicomputer finishes calculating. 

He puts down the commlink.

The ship bursts into hyperspace. 

Obi-Wan relaxes. 

For some reason, he thinks of something that happened years ago. Anakin had been a knight for a few weeks and Obi-Wan had been giving him space to explore his new role. He was surprised when the young knight showed up at his doorstep one evening. 

"Master," he said with that signature Anakin smirk. 

"Shouldn't you be out in a cantina right about now?" 

Anakin pulled two bottles of jawa juice from his cloak. "I brought the cantina to us." 

They sat on the couch like they had so many times in the past, but this time felt different. It felt brighter. Maybe it was the cheap Jawa juice or their hours of reminiscing about the dumb shenanigans they got into through the years, but it left him with a warmth in his chest. 

Obi-Wan holds onto that warmth as he soars through hyperspace. 

As the ship lurches and he feels the sensation of falling, he uses that warmth to center himself. 

_Pull up! Pull up!_

Impact. Falling. The world spinning. 

Obi-Wan is screaming. He can't hear himself but he can feel the air rushing from his lungs. 

He wants to be back in his quarters, sitting on his couch drinking jawa juice with Anakin.

As the durasteel around him rips apart like paper walls, he closes his eyes, and goes to that warm, safe place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has been so hard to finish. I've probably rewritten this chapter a few times now looking for the right way to convey the story (and it still may change). For now, I hope you enjoy and only one more chapter from here :)


	12. Onward

Floor to ceiling windows on the two exterior walls faces out onto the upper levels of Coruscant. Obi-Wan watches the speeders flying by, counting all the ones that fly as recklessly as Anakin. (It's a surprisingly high number but he won't let his old padawan know _that_ ). 

The corner office itself is a sight to behold. A lush couch is situated next to the window with a caff table and a large armchair across from him. On the table are a variety of hard candies of every color that he holds himself back from snacking on. Plants find a home on nearly every surface, various species from a number of planets and systems. He recognizes many of them from his travels across the galaxy. The most intriguing part of the room is the wall of books. It's been a long time since Obi-Wan has seen a proper book with flimsy pages-- it must have been back in his padawan days when he and Qui-Gon would go to planets so behind in technology they still resorted to such primitive methods, Of course, books are more of an aesthetic nowadays that has become popular in the academic realm of Inner Core culture. 

He stands, crossing the room and plucking one of the books from the shelf. To his surprise, it's fiction. An epic that they are often taught in school. He opens the book, thumbing through the pages carefully. The crisp smell of flimsy is distinct, and one that Obi-Wan finds calming. It's no wonder the mind healer keeps these around. 

Speaking of, the door opens and in walks a Twi'lek woman with dark green skin and the traditional Jedi healer robes. Her light gray eyes sparkle with welcoming. 

"Master Doneeta," he bows.

She crosses the room, standing beside her chair as she waits for Obi-Wan to return to the couch. "Master Kenobi. I've heard much about you." 

"Is that a good thing to come from a mind healer?" 

She chuckles. "You touch the lives of many." Master Doneeta gestures to the couch for him to sit. 

Until now, Obi-Wan hadn't been nervous. He promised both the council and Master Che that he would attend his session with no protests, which he did. For a few hours, he actually felt surprisingly excited. 

Maybe it's because he can finally relax and just speak his mind. 

Or maybe it's because he's scheduled to return to his post and his men the following day. So long as this meeting goes well, of course. 

_Of course, it'll go fine,_ he tells himself. 

He sits, folding his hands in front of him to prevent himself from drumming his fingers on his thigh. Master Doneeta picks up a pad of flimsy and an ink pen from the floor beside her chair. 

"Jedi are nosy beings," she says as she follows his gaze to her notes. "I prefer to keep my notes as private as possible, and flimsy is a hell of a lot harder to access than a datapad note." 

Obi-Wan glances down at her paper. There's already a number of notes. He wonders if they're from a previous session or about him. "But our sessions are... private, correct, Master Doneeta?" 

Master Doneeta leans forward. "These sessions are between you and me. I do not report to the council or anyone else. This is a safe place," she leans back again and adds. "And Seku." 

"Seku?"

"Here, I am not Master Doneeta, I am Seku." 

"Then I insist you call me Obi-Wan." 

Seku nods, jotting something down before looking up at him. "Well then Obi-Wan, let's talk." 

Session one with Master Seku was two days before he escaped back to Raydonia. 

They did not talk about much. 

During the second session, she asked about when he first woke up, and he explained his journey. When she asked him how he felt, he just shrugged. 

Then he ran. 

When he returned, the council was furious. Rightfully. They didn't say they were angry, but Obi-Wan could feel it. Their shields were far too tight.

He didn't speak to Seku the entire first session back. He felt it was impolite but he just needed the hour to breathe. He stared out those large windows and she just rifled through a book while he did so. 

In the next session, he sat down, and things started as usual. Seku offered him a snack-- this time some fresh-baked pastries-- and he obliged. They sat in silence as they ate. When he nears the end of his meal she leans forward and asks what he would like to talk about today. While usually, Obi-Wan is quick with a witty retort, this time he sighs and looks out the window, but he doesn't remain silent this time.

And Obi-Wan is fairly sure he's never spoken so much in his whole life. She asked again about when he first woke up and he explained his journey-- in detail this time. Trekking through the Lubang forest with not a clue how he got there. Who he was. Where he was. When she asked him how he felt, he was quick to say "afraid". 

He didn't realize he was afraid then. Obi-Wan immediately feels his cheeks heat at the elementary mistake of admitting fear to another Jedi but Seku doesn't even flinch. She just nods and urges him onward. 

He isn't sure what came over him, but suddenly he was telling Seku all that had happened. His secret mission. His torture. The crash, and all that happened afterward. His story wasn't at all concise or elegant-- it was disjointed, full of random jumps to various other memories that he had to explain to provide Seku context. The more he talked the more he felt like he had to keep going. 

He wanted to keep going. 

He's kept these memories in for so long he had forgotten the weight they have been bearing down on his shoulders. He should have realized he'd become desensitized to them when he was in the Halls and Anakin acted so horrified by his casual mentions of certain facts. Or when they would come back to haunt him at random sleepless nights. 

Seku's pad of flimsy quickly gained many pages folded over the top as she wrote quick notes. By the end, though, her pen had stopped moving and she just listened intently as he explained his return to Raydonia. 

"And then I just sat there for a while. I'd remembered what I couldn't, but it didn't feel... I didn't have this moment of..." he rubs his chin. 

"Relief," she finishes his sentence, and he nods. "Closure." 

"Yes, precisely. I expected to feel like everything had come together but... I just didn't. Is that... is that bad?" 

Seku shakes her head. "Obi-Wan, do you understand that you've been through many traumatic times in your lifetime?" 

"Well I, I'm not sure I'd say they're _traumatic_." 

"And what is your definition of trauma then?" 

He clears his throat. "Well, I suppose trauma would be like the injuries I had to my head. Or from the crash." 

"That's physical trauma, yes, but I mean _emotionally_." 

"I mean-- I'm not sure, exactly," he says uneasily. 

He can feel her sending waves of calm through the Force. "You know as well as anyone the Jedi aren't intended to take part in wars. We're peacekeepers. You remember those days." Obi-Wan does... now at least. While some missions had more action, many were diplomatic. He even considered them _boring._ Oh, how things have changed. "Just as we are not trained to fight a war, you are also not expected to be unphased by the things you have encountered during battle. I do wish the council would allow for more mind healers but... as you know our numbers are stretched thin," she glances past him grimly. 

"So, what are you saying?" 

"I'm saying, you've been through a great amount of trauma. Not just with this war but in many points in your life. Particularly with your master's death. Sometimes with trauma, our minds choose to protect us and hide those memories away."

"So it wasn't the Force? It was just... my mind?" he stares at her in disbelief. 

Seku shrugs slightly. "Well, that's hard to say. I think the Force played a role in your complete memory loss. You were being confronted with a piece of your past that was very influential on you, and as everything compounded, your mind's attempt to protect you was amplified by the Force trying to do the same. Your concussion and the ship crash certainly didn't help either. It was a perfect storm, and you were caught in it."

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes. "What a surprise. I seem to find myself in those often." 

"It appears so." 

He's quiet for a moment, letting her explanation settle in. Though he doesn't quite understand the psychology of it-- something he will have to ask her about later-- he finally feels relief flood through him. It's slight but there enough for him to lean back into the couch and let the tension in his shoulders fall. 

"How do I prevent this from occurring again?" 

Seku sets down her flimsy, her expression turning serious. "Talking about these things felt good, didn't they?"

"Why yes." 

"That's what you must do. You can release your emotions to the Force, but at the end of the day letting your experiences out and talking about them is the only way you're going to be able to prevent another episode." 

Obi-Wan looks at her apprehensively. "I can't exactly come in for an appointment after every squirmish." 

She chuckles. "Not what I mean. But I do expect you to come in every time you're at the Temple. And we will set up holo appointments every few weeks." 

"But my men--"

"They don't need to know. We can denote it as a private council meeting if you like." 

"And if I have nothing to discuss?" 

"I believe we have _plenty_ to unpack from your past if that is the case." 

"And the council--"

"Already approved this plan." 

"Of course they did." 

It's not often Obi-Wan finds himself cornered, but Seku seems to have her bases covered. She sets the pad of flimsy on the ground where it sat when he entered the session. 

"I have another task for you, too." 

* * *

Anakin slips his outer tunic on, adjusting the collar while Padmé slips his belt around his waist, securing it, and kissing his cheek softly.

"This time has been a gift," she says, her sweet voice next to his ear causing goosebumps to run down his spine. "Despite the circumstances." 

"It certainly has." Anakin shifts around to place his arms around his wife. She places her head against his chest, and he revels in the aroma of her perfume that surrounds him. 

(He'll have to change before he goes to the ship or else Ahsoka and Obi-Wan will certainly notice he smells like Alderaanian flame-roses.) 

"Have you seen him yet?"

Saw Obi-Wan, yes. From afar. Talked to him? Anakin shakes his head.

He was there. On Raydonia. He stood along the treeline of the jungle and saw his Master kneeling, handfuls of dirt squeezing through the cracks of his fingers. He wanted to run over to him, throw his arms around his master who was so obviously in pain, but he remained in place. It was like he was in a Force hold.

Anakin watched him for a while. Long enough for Obi-Wan to collapse forward, groaning as he wriggled his way to a seated position where he then meditated. 

He turned away at that point. He'd been watching too long. It felt like he was witnessing something he wasn't meant to. A private moment. He returned to his ship where Ahsoka sat fuming for being left behind once again, and then they returned to Coruscant. 

He was told Obi-Wan returned soon after. 

"I don't know what happened out there, but they cleared him for duty so it must have helped."

"It's strange he didn't tell you."

 _It isn't though_ , Anakin thinks. Obi-Wan is a lot of things but forthcoming is not one of his qualities. He's pretty sure if this whole thing never happened, he would have never found out about his master's past. 

"Maybe we will talk about it on the ship." 

Anakin doubts it, but Padmé at least seems hopeful, and making her smile is enough to raise his mood. He departs his wife's unit and heads toward the military docking bay. 

It's been a while since he's been on the ship. Anakin is happy to be back, but being on Coruscant for a few weeks has sullied his tolerance to the stark interior of the military vessel. Being a slave and a Jedi had certainly trained him for the modest conditions... but being a senator's husband certainly had not. 

If he thinks about it hard enough he can imagine himself back in that soft bed... 

"Good to see you, General Skywalker," Rex says, coming up from behind and falling into step. 

"You too, Rex. Ready to jump back into the action?" 

Rex scoffs. "Always, sir," a pause and then he clicks his tongue. "Is, uh, General Kenobi returning with us?" 

The 212th was called away just after Obi-Wan got back from Raydonia. Cody took command and _The Negotiator_ embarked without their Negotiator. Now they 501st is to go meet them to aid in battle. 

"So I've been told." 

He smiles, definitely giving away the tightness in his jaw from gritting his teeth so much. Seeing Obi-Wan again just feels like it'll be... uncomfortable to say the least. 

"Have you seen him since everything happened, sir?" 

"Why is everyone asking me-- I mean, no, but I've heard he's doing better." 

"I'd say so, Anakin," a familiar voice appears behind him, and Anakin stops cold. Obi-Wan is just about the only person that can sneak up on him like that. He turns around to see the face of his master. He nearly gasps when he does. 

Obi-Wan looks significantly better. There's color in his cheeks and a healthy glow to his skin. No dark circles. No residual bruising. His hair is cut and his beard is trimmed, and Anakin even thinks he's filling out his robes a little better. He'd noticed the man had lost a bit of weight during their last campaign, but now he looks practically 10 years younger. 

"I can see that, Master," Anakin says, unable to come up with anything witty so he resorts to the truth. 

Obi-Wan smiles, turning his attention to Rex. "Good to see you, Rex." 

"You as well, General. We're all glad you're back." 

"I as well. Now, I must steal General Skywalker away for a moment if you don't mind. We will meet you at the bridge for departure."

 _Oh great,_ Anakin thinks. He can feel the anxiety rise in his chest. Rex says goodbye and walks toward the bridge to start the departure checklist and now Anakin finds himself alone with his Master. He isn't sure what he expects. A lecture on following him to Raydonia? Talking to him about not coming to see him for two days? An argument about looking up his padawan records? It could be so many things... 

Not on Anakin's list of potential actions was for Obi-Wan to put his hand on his shoulder. "Come," he says and they start down the hall. 

"Where are we going?" 

Obi-Wan doesn't answer him but they reach the end of the hall and turn down the way to the barracks. Before he knows it, Anakin finds himself standing in front of one of the officer quarters-- the one Obi-Wan uses when he's on _The Resolute._

The door opens and they enter the plain room. Just a bunk, a desk, and a fresher-- identical to Anakin's except lacking the few pictures he has hung up on his bunk and various maps above his desk. 

"Bleak," Anakin scoffs.

"This isn't my usual room." 

"I at least decorated my room on your ship." 

Obi-Wan hums humorously as he crosses the room to the desk, opening one of the drawers and pulling something out. 

"You call leaving a mess, _decorating_?"

The banter calms Anakin's nerves. He even smiles a little at the quip. 

"Makes it feel like home at least." 

Silence falls between them like a curtain and Anakin can tell Obi-Wan is much more occupied with whatever he's holding in his hand than their silly conversation. 

"I want to apologize, Anakin," he finally says, his back still facing the knight. 

"Apologize? For what?" 

The master finally turns, his jolly tone gone, and face serious. "You must understand, all I ever wanted was to be a good master for you." Anakin's words are caught in his throat. He just stares at the man that raised him, startled by the way it looks like tears are brimming in the corners of his eyes. "I truly thought I was doing the right thing in not speaking of my past. As you know now I wasn't exactly a very good Jedi, and I thought that would set the wrong example." 

Obi-Wan sighs and shifts his weight, and Anakin looks down notices his hands are behind his back like he's holding something. "I was wrong." 

"Obi-Wan I--"

"Anakin just let me finish. Please." 

Anakin shuts his mouth. 

Obi-Wan's arms finally come around and he holds out a brown leather-bound journal with a buckle clasp. Anakin takes it from him, running his hands over the worn material.

"I've learned that verbalizing things, especially in regards to things that bring about emotion, is not my strong suit." 

Anakin unclasps the front and opens the journal which has real flimsy pages. The material feels weird against his fingers, but it's smooth and smells like the archives of the Jedi library. He turns from the first page to find a block of tiny, fairly messy handwriting.

"This is..."

"One of my padawan journals, yes. It just so happens I am much better about putting things down on a page than saying them." 

Many masters like their padawans to keep journals during their missions to document what they have learned. It's a reflection exercise, but few padawans actually maintain theirs through the years as the trust between master and padawan grows. Anakin couldn't exactly write basic when he came to the temple, so he wrote his in a hybrid of Huttese and poorly written Aurebesh. It only took a few months for Obi-Wan to give up on trying to read his writings, and the journal was forgotten. 

But just by rifling through Obi-Wan's journal, Anakin can tell he was every bit as meticulous as a padawan as the man is now. There are tabs along the side to separate missions and even a few hand-drawn illustrations in places. He stops on a page with a crudely drawn diagram of something that resembles a lightsaber.

"My first lightsaber, yes. I drew that on the trip to Illum," Obi-Wan smiles and shakes his head. "I was hoping for a green kyber as if I had a choice." 

"Master this is-- you said _one of your padawan journals_?" 

"Well yes, there are a few. I believe that one covers the first two or three years. I thought these might be a little more interesting than some dense mission reports." 

Anakin is speechless. He skims over a passage of a thirteen-year-old Obi-Wan ranting about how long Qui-Gon has gone without washing his cloak and how smelly it is. Qui-Gon must have not read Obi-Wan's journals, which makes it even more surprising that he'd have kept up such rigorous notes. 

"I just-- _thank you,_ Master. I don't know what to say." 

He shakes his head. "You don't have to say anything, Anakin. This is far overdue as it is." Anakin shuts the journal and tucks it under his arm. Obi-Wan stands before him, hands folded in front of him with a nervous expression. "I truly am, sorry, Ani." he says softly. 

Anakin can't take it. He steps forward, throwing his arms around a now-surprised Obi-Wan and giving him a tight hug. "I'm so glad you're okay, Obi-Wan. I really thought..." 

"But I'm not." 

"Well yeah, I know that now." 

They separate, the tension now gone from the room. Anakin just rubs his finger up and down the spine of the journal, eager to sit down and start reading it. 

"We should get to the bridge, I'm sure Rex is waiting for us," Obi-Wan says starting toward the door. 

"Wait," he says, one thing still nagging him. 

"Yes?" 

"I'm assuming you figured out what caused your memory to wipe. Right?" 

He rocks back on his heels and then turns to face Anakin once again. 

"Maul was torturing me. Physically, and by telling me lies about Qui-Gon-- lies that I still believed deep down. And then he threatened to kill you in the same way and..." Obi-Wan swallows hard. "Everything shut down. I had to use the Force to get out of there and it exhausted my mind. Locked away not just the memories that were troubling me, but everything." 

The Jedi knight stares at him, not expecting such a straight and candid answer. He can't even wrap his head around exactly what Obi-Wan is saying. _Everything shut down_.

"Oh." 

Obi-Wan smiles.

"That's what I said too, I believe." He puts a hand on Anakin's shoulder once again, squeezing it quickly and then opening the door. "The war awaits us."

They walk down the hall, Anakin still holding the journal flush against his chest. 

"How did you have time to write all this?" 

"Qui-Gon was a man of few words, and I learned very quickly he was not interested in the constant stream of musings coming from my mouth... something you _still_ haven't quite mastered." 

"Okay now just wait a minute..." 

* * *

**Later**

Her chores didn't take nearly as long as Marri expected them to, which gave her the exciting privilege to visit her new favorite place. 

The ship crash had become quite the pilgrimage for Lubang. After that fateful day in which the man dropped out of the sky, a few of the families came together with a plan for a landing pad. It would only be one big enough for two or three small ships, but more than they had before. The idea took off, and it only took a few months for the simple landing pad to fill up with visitors curious about their planet. 

They named it Kenobi Landing. 

Whenever she can, Marri goes to the landing. She tells her father it's to check out if any off-world merchants are there selling something interesting. 

Deep down, she hopes she will find him there. 

She walks through the forest, the trek so familiar there's a worn path of her own doing. The forest sings today in a way that brings a lightness to her chest. Something feels different in the air, and she follows the urge by breaking into a brisk jog. 

Marri reaches Kenobi Landing by high noon. The area is unsurprisingly bustling at this time. Two ships are docked, one that is known to carry delicious fruit imports, and another that is unfamiliar to her. Glee rises in her chest as she walks past the man selling Jogan fruits to a large line of eager locals toward the sleek ship. It's not that of a merchant, she knows that for sure. As the entire thing comes into view, her mood falls. It's not military either, which is likely what Obi-Wan would come on right? Marri grimaces, still intrigued by the nice ship, though. Maybe a wealthy visitor? 

She peers up the open cargo bay, seeing nobody in the darkness. 

_You need to stop getting your hopes_ _up_ , she thinks to herself. _You do this every time_.

She knows the chances of Obi-Wan returning are slim. He was practically half-dead when he departed. Why would he come back to such a place?

_He made a promise to return and explain!_

_That is... if he ever_ _remembered what there was to teach her._

Marri doesn't want to consider that an option. Obi-Wan _has_ to have remembered his old life! She can feel that she will see him again, and she knows her feeling is right. 

She's about to go get in line and get her dad a jogan fruit when she hears the sound of metal clattering across metal behind her. She whirls around, spotting a gold-colored protocol droid clambering down the runway. 

"Greetings," the droid says as it reaches the bottom. It raises a stiff hand in a wave, and Marri realizes it is talking to her. "My name is C3PO, human-cyborg relations." 

Something nudges at her to trust the droid. It's a feeling she can't explain, but she listens. "My name is Marri." 

"Marri!" the droid sound excited. "My word, you were easy to find. I was so worried I would be searching for you for ages, and my circuits are not made for that kind of travel." 

"You're looking for... me?"

"Why yes, Marri. I carry with me a message for you from Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Marri's eyes grow wide and a huge smile breaks across her face. 

The protocol droid pulls out a strange looking cube from a storage compartment and hands it to her. "My instructions are to give you this. Master Kenobi said you will be able to open it if you, and I quote, 'just breathe. Feel. Let nature surround you and use it to calm yourself'."

Marri takes the cube from the droid, feeling the balanced heaviness in her palm. There's an energy surrounding it that makes her feel the forest around her more than ever. 

"Thank you, C3PO." 

Marri runs home, the cube rattling in the bag next to her jogan fruit. She bursts through the door of her family's cabin so violently her father nearly drops a skillet of food. 

"Marri, what the--"

"Dad! I got you jogan fruit," she says, pulling out the fruit and throwing it across the room. He catches it mid-air, staring at her incredulously.

"And that gives you an excuse to run around here like a madwoman?" 

"How long until dinner is ready?" 

"Half an hour." 

"I'll be outside until then!"

He waves her off, and she slips back outside. Marri goes back behind their home to her secret lookout-- a treehouse she built from some of the extra wood they purchased while repairing the roof. Marri climbs up high into the treeline, sitting cross-legged on the floor. She pulls the cube out and holds in her hands. 

_Just breathe. Let nature surround you._

She smiles. It's exactly what she told Obi-Wan when she was teaching him to meditate. She follows his instructions, settling down and letting herself sink into the feeling of nature around her. She can feel the tree she sits in from its roots to its shoots and the grassy area below with colonies of mushrooms beginning to grow. And in all of it she is surprised to find something that isn't nature-- she sees the cube, and in her mind, it begins to glow and twist. Marri holds out her hands and feels something cool against her skin. She opens one eye and finds that the cube isn't just open in her mind but in reality. 

Now open, there is a flicker and then a holo projection appears. It's the figure of Obi-Wan but in clean robes and a dark brown cloak. 

"Marri," holo-Obi-wan says, a smile appearing on his face as he says her name. "I hope this finds you well. I, unfortunately, am unable to come to visit in person during this time. I do intend to fully fulfill my promise of returning to Lubang, but the war wages on, and I am unable to getaway. I did want to send you something to know that I have not forgotten you, Gil, and the way you have saved my life." He pauses a moment. "If you are listening to this, then you have successfully opened the Holocron. A Holocron is a databank that the Jedi use to store information and holos. It can only be opened through using the Force."

_The Force?_

"In finding my memory I realized that you, Marri, are Force-sensitive. You already know what the Force is-- it's the energy that surrounds us, binds us together. It's what you feel when you can sense the entire forest in your mind. The balance of life and death and everything in between..."

And Marri sits in the trees, entranced by the Holocron hovering before her. Obi-Wan explains many things she's experienced all her life and never known why she could do the things she can do and why others can't. He talks about a few things she didn't know about either-- like shielding her thoughts and making things hover. Though she was hoping to see Obi-Wan once again, he was right when he said this is the next best thing. She has a piece of him-- a piece of her mother she can finally understand. 

"Remember Marri, the Force will be with you always. And when this war is over, I will tell you more about it. Goodbye, dear friend." 

The holo flickers away and the Holocron twists until it forms a cube once again and the glowing subsides. It drops and Marri reaches her hand out, using her new Force trick to stop the Holocron a few centimeters above her palm. She stares at it in wonder, excitement coursing through her but she tries to remain calm as Obi-Wan said. 

"Marri, dinner!" she hears her father call in the distance. Marri jumps up, opening a small compartment in her treehouse, and drops the Holocron safely in. She shuts the hidden door, feeling it buzz through the Force like a warm hug. She steps out of the treehouse, glancing up at the sky at the same moment the sleek ship the droid came on is headed out of the atmosphere. She smiles, thinking of the first time she saw a ship coming to her planet and how it changed everything. 

"The Force is with me," Marri says to herself, Obi-Wan's voice echoing in her mind. "May the Force be with you too, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the end, my friends. Thank you for reading! So many of you have stuck with this story through my long gaps of posting so I thank you for your reviews and kudos. Per usual with my fics, this was ~supposed to be a one shot~ but here we are. Hopefully, this ending is satisfying (there are likely some plot holes since I started this fic so long ago... I hope to go back and edit this eventually haha) but I'm happy to see this one finally complete :)


End file.
